Because he’s leaving New York.
He’s leaving me.LukeTears fall down Ava’s cheeks, and I feel like someone has reached inside my body and yanked my heart right the fuck out of my chest. The mere idea of hurting her is abhorrent. It is the very last thing I ever want to do, but fuck, even if it wasn’t intentional, that’s exactly what I’ve done. I’ve hurt her.
All throughout our friendship, trust and honesty and communication have always been at the foundation. And what I’ve done, keeping this a secret from her for as long as I did, goes against all that.
“Ava, I’m so sorry,” I repeat, and she just shakes her head, crossing her arms over her chest and staring down at the ground.
“Why did you hide that from me?” she asks, her voice so fucking small it makes my chest feel like it might crack in half. “I know I’ve even asked you since then if you’ve heard anything, and you straight up lied to me.”
She’s right.
“I know I did, and I never should’ve done that,” I answer, silently wishing I could wrap her up in my arms. But I can’t because that isn’t what she wants. If anything, she looks like she wants to run out of this room and away from me. “Every time I tried to tell you, I just couldn’t get the words out.”
She goes quiet for the longest moment, and I just stand there, waiting patiently, giving her time to digest all this, to process her emotions.
“And now what?” she eventually questions. “Now we go back to New York, and in mere days, you leave for Houston, and then…? That’s it? We’re done?”
Done? Fuck, that’s not what I want at all.
But my mind is having a hard time processing what is the right thing to do.
Ava’s whole life, her career, is in New York. The whole reason she moved to New York was to follow her dreams of becoming an artist.
So, because of my career, I’m supposed to ask her to give up on hers?
I’m supposed to ask her to just move to Houston with me?
That feels so wrong, it’s not even funny.
“I…” I pause, trying to find the right words to express how I feel. But my silence doesn’t help the situation. If anything, it only hurts her more.
“I feel like you’ve strung me along, made me fall in fucking love with you, and then you’re just going to up and leave. Just fucking walk away.”
“Ava, I’ve fallen for you too,” I whisper. “And trust me, that’s not what I want.”
“Trust you? That feels like a very hard thing to do right now, Luke,” she says angrily. “And if that’s not what you want, what do you want? Because, I’ll be honest, it’s all pretty fucking hard to understand right now.”
She’s so worked up. Too worked up.
And it feels like no matter what I say, she’s not actually going to hear it.
Her mind is too busy trying to process the fact that I betrayed her. That I lied to her. That I hid something from her. Me, the one person who never hides anything from her, broke her trust.
“Ava, let’s just calm down and try to talk this through,” I say, my voice soft and gentle.
“No.” Tears well up in her eyes. “You know what? Why don’t you just leave? I think that’s probably best.”
Her words feel like a punch to the gut. “What?”
“I think you should go, Luke,” she retorts, and more tears spill down her cheeks. “I mean, you probably have so much to do to get ready for your big move to Houston.”
“Wait…you want me to actually leave?” I question, shock consuming me. “Like, leave Vermont and go back to New York? Without you?”
“Yeah.”
“Ava…” I start to ask, but I don’t even know where to begin. I can tell her emotions are scattered all over the fucking place. And let’s be real, being a flight risk is what she’s known for. When things get too scary or too intense or too daunting, she runs.
Even she knows that fact.
“Just go, Luke. I’m overwhelmed and confused, and I need space from you. I can go to my sister’s wedding by myself, and when I get back to New York, we’ll talk.”
“Don’t do this, Ace.” I reach out toward her, but it’s useless; she steps away from me. “Please don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what, Luke?” she spits back. “What am I doing?”
“Pushing me away.”
“Says the guy who led me on for weeks, knowing that soon, he would be moving across the fucking country.”
“You know that wasn’t what I was doing. You know—”
“I know that you lied to me.” She shakes her head. “That’s what I know.”
Fuck. “Ava, don’t make it like this.”
“Actually, you made it like this,” she retorts and grabs her purse off the nightstand. “And if you don’t mind, I’m going to take my dad’s truck and get some fresh air. Have a safe flight back to New York.”