“When I became a teenager, her verbal abuse became a daily occurrence. I wasn’t skinny by any means, and she made sure to point that out at every turn. My mother was a waif, but she had her lack of eating and her alcohol consumption to blame. She already thought I was a burden, but now I was her fat teenage daughter who had become a chain around her ankle.”
“Tatum, baby—”
“No, Leo, please let me get this out.” He kissed her temple but didn’t say anything else. “Every time I saw her, she would get a disgusted look on her face. After a while, I grew used to the insults and made myself scarce. She made it no secret that she should have aborted me when she had the chance.”
She would not cry. She would not cry. It had been over a year since her mother passed away, but reliving the abuse Tatum suffered at her mother’s hands reopened the wounds she thought had long since healed. Apparently, she wasn’t as put together as she thought.
“I was her fat fuck of a daughter who could stand to lose half my body weight and still be overweight. Her words, not mine.” She laughed humorlessly as she remembered that particular conversation with her mother. “She told me maybe if she had a beautiful daughter, people would love me. And in turn, I thought if I were beautiful, then maybe she would love me.”
“Baby…” The pain in Leo’s face had her closing her eyes as tears slipped down her cheeks.
“I wanted her to love me, to think I was beautiful. It wasn’t like I gained weight at home. Hell, there was hardly ever any food. I spent a lot of my time at Kiki’s, but I never gorged myself. It was like I was built differently, and I hated it. I wanted her to see me as the daughter she could be proud of.” Tatum wiped angrily at her tears and pressed on. It hurt to get this out, but she knew she had to. She was a broken woman, and Leo deserved to know why.
“I started starving myself, and anything I did eat, I threw up.” The tears fell harder, faster. “The weight began dropping, and I finally started thinking I could be more than the fat, ugly daughter of Carey Weatherton.”
“Sweetheart, you have to know that isn’t true.” Leo turned his head and cupped the side of her face. “I’ve never met a woman more beautiful than you.”
And she believed him, with every part of her. “But dropping the weight wasn’t enough. I kept binging and purging. The guilt from eating, even if I just ended up throwing it up, had me starving myself as well. It didn’t matter though, because all I saw in the mirror was a girl with big hips, too thick thighs, and a size fourteen frame. The only person who showed any kind of concern was Kiki, but I didn’t care. I started to get compliments. The boys at school noticed me, and my mom praised me instead of degrading me.” Those little compliments meant more to her than anything else. “I actually felt beautiful—”
Leo cut her off when he slanted his mouth on hers. The kiss was hard yet showed her that his pain for her was very much real. Was it possible to love someone so quickly? Because her heart swelled, and something shifted in her when it came to him.
“I wish I could have been there for you. I would have showed you how important you are.” He kissed her again. “I would have showed you that you are beautiful inside and out.” His lips were still pressed against hers when he spoke. She could have stopped there, but he needed to know how bad it had been.
“Thank you for that, Leo. I wish you had been there too. I have no doubt my life would have been far better than it had been if you were by my side.” She took a deep breath and continued. “I got really sick. My mom had been gone for three days, but that wasn’t too unusual. Kiki was the one who found me when I didn’t show up at school. I spent weeks in the hospital as a result of malnutrition and dehydration. They said I was lucky not to have had a heart attack.”
Tatum shook her head as her past flipped through her mind like a movie reel. “Can you imagine a seventeen-year-old dying of a heart attack as a result of an eating disorder? The repercussions of what I did never delved deeper than the surface.” Even now, she could see herself lying on that white, sterile bed, the IV machine beeping a steady rhythm.
“My own mother didn’t even come to see me in the hospital. Kiki was the only one who loved me, who still loves me for who I am.” Squeezing her eyes shut, she knew that to be the truth.