Scars of Yesterday (Sons of Templar MC 8)

Bex already had our drinks lined up and was chewing on a cupcake by the time I put myself together enough to enter the kitchen.

She didn’t look at me any different, like I’d just pointed a gun at her a few minutes ago. That was Bex.

I took the drink she offered me, drained it in one go, then started to feel guilty about drinking in the afternoon and using alcohol to numb my emotions.

“Now, you know how much I hate to say thing like this, but we should call the club,” she said.

My stomach dipped. Not just at the prospect of the club having to come to my rescue solely because I had some ‘feeling’ that someone had been in my house without any kind of proof. No one would make me feel crazy or paranoid. No one would say it out loud, but they’d think it.

Beyond that, Kace would get involved. And then the cycle would begin. The woman in danger and the alpha male, coming out with the need to protect his woman, not letting her go anywhere alone, then the two end up in falling in love.

No. That wasn’t happening.

“We should not call them,” I replied, eyes meeting hers. “Seriously. I’m shaky. I’m not getting much sleep. I’m making too much of nothing.”

Bex raised a brow. “You’ve been an Old Lady for over a decade. You are many things. Strong. Unflappable. Badass. You’ve been through shit that half of these men haven’t. So I know for a goddamn fact that you’re not making too much of anything.”

Bex was not one for bullshit. I bit my lip. Dipped my finger in the frosting of a cupcake and licked it.

“Maybe, maybe not,” I shrugged. “But right now, I don’t need a bunch of guys coming in with guns to save the day. To rescue the poor woman without a man. You understand that?”

Bex’s eyes turned dark, haunted, as they did from time to time. She’d been through some of the worst things a woman could go through. Her life had been hard and ugly. Full of wounds. Yet she managed to get through it. Not without carrying some things with her, though.

“Yeah, babe, I can totally understand that.” She twirled her still full glass. I wondered if she was saving it or had just poured it to make me feel better about drinking. Or because she was careful about what substances she imbibed these days. She’d been clean ever since Lucky had saved her from a fate worse than death, but it hadn’t been easy for her. She’d had to fight to get where she was. Less so since their daughter was born. But life would always be a battle for her.

For all of us.

“You’re not sleeping well?” Bex asked.

Shit.

The way she’d said it showed she was worried. That I was spiraling. I could lie. Say I wasn’t sleeping from the grief. The pain. It would’ve been much easier. But it would hurt my friend. She’d blame herself, thinking that she hadn’t been there. Hadn’t seen it. Hadn’t been able to help.

I couldn’t do that.

“Nights have had me kind of... preoccupied, if you know what I mean.”

Bex sat up straighter in her chair, the worry instantly falling from her face. “I know exactly what you mean. You’ve been getting laid. Keeping it a secret, making it even more exciting.”

I swallowed, picking up a cupcake for a distraction more than anything else. “Yeah it’s really good. Scary good, because it was only meant to be just sex—”

“It’s never just sex,” she interrupted. “Not with someone wearing a Sons of Templar cut. He’s a brother, isn’t he? Not that asshole with the suit you went on a date with? Not that I’m going to judge you if it is, but I don’t get the feeling he’s got a good fucking in him.”

I laughed. Bex not only said it how it was, but she saw it how it was.

“It’s Kace,” I admitted, feeling disturbingly comfortable letting my secret out to more of my friends. I was starting to feel less ashamed of it. The secret was too heavy. I was too tired and starting not to care like I should about all the promises I’d made myself before.

“Of course it is,” she nodded, her smile even wider now. “And I’m guessing he’s another reason why you don’t want the club to know about what went on today? Because he would go all alpha ‘you are mine, therefore I make all the decisions about your life now’?”

I grinned. She’d been through this, witnessed more of it. She knew the score. “Pretty much.”

“Okay, I’m with you, sister. As long as you keep yourself safe. We don’t need any more holes in us.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I am definitely going to be keeping myself safe,” I said firmly, like I had any power over that.