She stared at me, studying my face. Looking for sincerity possibly? But she didn’t argue or counter my words. She simply stared at me in silence.
“So, what I’m saying,” I continued on, “is that years and years of dirt and mud piled on you does not change what truly is underneath. You just have to chip away at the clay.” I gave a shrug and a grin. “My point being that the Volkov Ballet, my brother Yuri as your choreographer, and I help you do that. I really think we can make you the dancer you once were.” When she still looked unconvinced, I said with all the sincerity I had. “Clara, I see a beautiful ballerina bathed in that gold light. I swear to you I do.”
She gave me a heart-stopping smile and stared into my eyes for a beat too long. “That’s a beautiful story, but I don’t know what it has to do with me or what you want me to say.”
I want you to fucking say yes! I wanted to yell, but I didn’t.
I forced myself to remain calm and in control, even as I switched tactics. “Well, if you decide you do want to stop attending the pity party you seem damn positive is all the fun you’re allowed to have for the rest of your life, come and join me. I’ll be in the office when you’ve showered and changed. You should come sign the contract then.” I began to move away but paused to add, “But, Clara, I’m not going to beg, and I’m not going to pressure you anymore. This is your life and your choice.” I wanted to add, don’t fuck it up, but I managed to restrain myself.
I turned around and walked away at that moment before I could get too lost in her gaze. I hoped I had said enough, and she would meet me in the office and accept my offer.
All I could do now was wait. Wait for who I hoped would become my prima ballerina.5ClaraI knew there was a big smile on my face as I headed backstage to get changed, no matter how hard I tried to conceal it. I was doing my best to appear nonchalant, but I’d never been very good in the role of Miss Calm, Cool, and Collected. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact Alek had told me I’d been accepted to join Volkov Ballet and train as their principal ballerina, and I didn’t know what to think. I hadn’t come to the audition with the intention of being offered a contract.
Honestly, I didn’t really know why I came.
As I pushed through a door to find a large dressing room, I heard the voice of that annoying little devil come through loud and clear.
So, you came because you… what? Were in the neighborhood? Needed the exercise? Get real, girlfriend. You came because the man pushed your buttons and you wanted to prove you still have skills. Lie to everyone else but not to yourself.
I looked around to see names on cubicles that held totes and various articles of clothing. Not about to infringe on anyone’s personal space, I continued across the room when I saw a door open and two dancers emerge with towels wrapped around their bodies, others around their hair. Grabbing a towel off a stack on a table, I slipped into the shower room where I found several curtains already pulled across stalls, steam coiling toward the ceiling as hot water pounded sore bodies. Stepping to the left, I found an open stall along the outer wall, dropped my bag onto an unoccupied bench, and unzipped it to pull out my toiletries case. Setting it down, I quickly began to strip, modesty one of the first things a dancer learns wasn’t a luxury afforded when performances required quick costume changes. Hanging my towel on a hook, I grabbed the bottle of shampoo out of my bag, pulled back the rather flimsy curtain, and turned on the faucet.
Stepping beneath the hot spray, I tried to ignore the fact the accusations rang true. It had stung when Alek suggested someone younger could dance rings around me. But in all honesty, I’d not given the taunt another thought the moment I’d stepped onto the stage. I wasn’t sure what it said about me, but the second the music had started, I’d been lost in the magic of the dance, totally oblivious to those around me.
It was only as the last note sounded, when my feet landed without a sound on the oak floor that I returned to the real world. For the first time in years, the faces of the people around me weren’t showing expressions of derision at the poor pitiful dancer who’d fallen from the pedestal. Granted, I wasn’t seeing the exultation I’d grown accustomed to when I was the lead in one of the best companies in the world, but I did see awe mixed with envy in the eyes of my competitors.