With that, I forced all of my own opinions down and continued to listen intently, quickly realizing the more Yuri talked, the less I agreed with him. I’d heard whispers that many a dancer of the Volkov Ballet had left because of Yuri’s captaincy style, but I was doing my best not to let that affect me. I had a lot more to lose than anyone else. This was my only shot. If I had to get along with people I didn’t like and keep my opinions to myself, then I’d bite my tongue off and do it.
“Right,” he finished with a big beaming smile on his face as he glanced around at the people he’d drilled daily for hours. “You’re all ready. So, as they say, break a…” He paused, his eyes flicking to me as if remembering the fact that what was a common idiom had turned into horrifying reality in the last company of which I’d been a member. I was ready to protest my innocence once more when he surprised me by grinning. “Fuck the past. Go out and break a leg and do the Volkov company proud, is that clear?”
“Yes, sir,” chorused dozens of voices as we all did a final round of stretches before beginning to line up in the order required for the first act.
All of a sudden, as I heard the noise from the crowd die down, and the first notes of the strings in the orchestra waft through the wings as they warmed up, the newspaper headlines started to flow through my mind.
Disgraced Dancer, Simyoneva, to Return to the Stage.
Will Prima Throw Her Diva Act Again?
Clara Simyoneva Brings Her Tainted Past to a Once-Respected Theater, Destroying its Legacy.
A sickness swirled in my stomach, and my confidence level plummeted. When I’d awakened this morning, I’d felt ready to conquer. I wanted to prove to the people who believed in me I was worth it.
The surprise kiss I shared with Alek a few weeks ago floated to the forefront of my memory though it was never far from my thoughts. I so wanted to make this work for the man who had given me this chance. I’d felt honored to have been given this opportunity, and I’d felt like I could take on the world. That nothing would bother me. That I could brush it all aside and focus on all the nonstop training I had been doing to prepare for this moment. But now all that confidence was gone.
What the hell am I doing here? Why did I ever think that this was going to be a good idea?
I wished my grandmother could be sitting in the crowd somewhere, but I’d insisted she remain at home. Despite her assurance she would be fine, I knew the arthritis was too painful to allow her to sit comfortably in one place for very long. Even though I would feel a million times better if she was there, I’d promised to replay each step to her once I returned home. It had to be enough, but I couldn’t help being selfish and wanting her near. I also wondered where Alek was.
I had Yuri and the other dancers around me, standing close in the tight confines of the wing as my costume was given the final inspection, a few snips of a tiny pair of scissors removing a stray thread that dared to appear on this special night, but I’d not set eyes on Alek. Ever since that kiss, he had been keeping his distance. He wasn’t exactly cold, but he always seemed busy, going to his office and closing the door when I was around. I didn’t exactly have much time between the nonstop rehearsals, but I still had hoped he would step backstage for a moment before the house lights dimmed.
I needed him.
I needed that positive energy.
I needed the man who’d spoken of the Golden Buddha right now.
I sucked in a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm my panic-stricken body, but it didn’t do much good. My heart still raced away, my palms were still sweaty, and I trembled all over.
Think about the dance, I told myself. Focus on how you’re going to show everyone Alek Volkov didn’t make a mistake that day he showed up at the house. Prove to every naysayer the ballerina still lives inside you.
As bells chimed softly, and the lights went low, the music soared, the soft whisper of curtains opening sounded, and the first dancers leapt onto the stage. The magic of the ballet descended over me as I forced out all my negative thoughts and, with a final deep breath, I lifted my arms and joined my company… and heard the loud mass of boos ringing out, just for me.
Booo.
You suck.
You’re a fraud.
Has been.
Go home, you cheat!