23ClaraI’d like to say I didn’t look for a flash of sun against silver as we drove to the restaurant, but I’d be a liar. My gaze kept flicking from the rearview mirror to those on the sides of my car as I navigated the streets of Chicago.
When we got to the restaurant, and after I had ordered surf and turf we’d share as neither of us was capable of eating the entire thing by ourself, I picked up my glass of tea. For the first time in a long while, I sincerely wished the dark liquid in my glass was the best whiskey the restaurant offered. It wasn’t my old buddy Jack, but it would have to do.
“A toast for being so irresistible they couldn’t possibly do their trial without you,” I said with a smile, determined not to ruin the evening.
“Probably helped that I told them I had a famous granddaughter who had connections,” she said.
The mouthful of tea I’d just taken went down the wrong pipe. I tried to draw breath, but only was able to wheeze, panic flooding through me. Before I knew what was happening, I was yanked out of the booth and the waiter who’d taken our order had his arms around my body and was jerking me off my feet, his fist pressing between my breasts.
“Stop!” I managed finally, gripping his forearms with my hands. “I’m fine… swallowed wrong.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, releasing me.
“Yes,” I said, nodding as I turned to reassure him all was fine. “But, thank you. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Now that one of his customers didn’t appear to be about to expire, the teenager shrugged as if he performed lifesaving maneuvers every day. “Well, good. But, they train us on the Heimlich, so if you need me…”
“I’ll remember that,” I assured him and slid back into the booth to see my grandmother’s face was even paler than the waiter’s had been. “Are you all right?”
“Oh, dorogoy, I am so sorry,” she said. “I didn’t think. I-I wasn’t talking about that horrid man. I was talking about you being the new lead dancer at the Volkov Ballet. One of the doctors on the trial committee has an affinity for ballet.”
Reaching across the table, I took her gnarled hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “It’s all right, Baba. I promise you we’re going to get Nikolai out of our lives forever. I’m not sure how, but we will. But for tonight, let’s enjoy our meal, okay?”
“Are you sure you’re all right?”
“Yes, Baba, I’m fine.”
She held my gaze for a long moment and then nodded. “Good. In that case, let’s talk about Alek. He’s something else. I can see why you’re attracted to him.” When I didn’t say anything, she continued to push me. “So, what’s going on with you two? I could sense the fireworks in the room, and you weren’t even talking.”
“Okay,” I admitted. I knew she wasn’t going to let this drop, so I might as well tell her all now. “I like him. I like him a lot, and honestly I feel like something could happen between us if we allowed it. But the timing is all wrong.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked, visibly bewildered by my shitty excuse. “Is this because of Kosloff?”
“No,” I said. “Well, not completely.”
I couldn’t tell her I was a coward, too damn afraid to dive in headfirst. Not when I was already telling myself how strong and capable I was. So, I needed to make something else up instead. I waited as the waiter set a basket on the table and gave him yet another reassuring smile before I continued.
“You know what my rehearsal schedule is like. I need to dedicate the majority of my time to that. Plus, I need to be around for you, too.”
“Govno,” she snapped back so fast my head spun. I’d rarely ever heard my grandmother curse, and I’d never seen her do so while waving a biscuit she’d taken from a basket around like some sort of exclamation point.
“It’s not crap, Baba—”
“It is when you are using me as an excuse. That’s not fair. I don’t need you around all the time. Especially not now that I have Judy and an entire plethora of other nurses on call.” She examined me closely for a moment, seeming to see all the things I was trying desperately to keep hidden. “You need to stop treating me as a child. You need to quit using me as an excuse not to go out there and to live your life. That isn’t what I want. Not at all. You’ve missed out on so much as it is. You’ve held yourself back for far too long because of one mistake. If you keep hiding from life, it doesn’t matter if that mafia bastard is out of your life or not — he’d win. This really is your chance to go out there and to get what you want. I urge you to… what is that saying? Oh right, take the cow by the horns and not let go. Clara, you need to take those horns with both hands and enjoy the ride.”