“Oooh, nice. I could get into some of that!” laughed Diamond. “When can we meet him?”
“You’re never going to meet him!” I objected. “He’s an ass. He looks down on me and my dad.”
He had spent the wedding being a jerk to me, asking me if I couldn’t possibly smile and try to show some joy on behalf of our parents’ big day, or why I wasn’t helping out more. I knew he wasn’t any happier about the fact that they had gotten together than I was, but he just liked getting under my skin because I wasn’t talking to him and he was such a cocky asshole that he couldn’t leave well enough alone.
“Well, your dad did wreck his mother’s marriage,” Gillian pointed out. “I mean, you can understand that.”
“It’s not my fault and plus, my dad’s a widower. It’s not like he was the one cheating on anyone. And maybe he didn’t even know she was married until later,” I suggested.
“Is that true?” Diamond asked, looking hopeful.
“Probably not,” I admitted. “I think they would have told me, since it would have made it sound better. Instead, they only said that they met at a trade show and it just blossomed from there. And of course she had to have an asshole son who is part of the already obnoxious package.”
“Wait,” said Diamond, slyly. “Are you into this Aaron Paul look-alike?”
“What? No!” I insisted. “Ew! Like I said, he’s my brother!”
“Stepbrother,” Diamond corrected, laughing. “That’s kind of hot, if you think about it. Like forbidden fruit!”
“It’s gross to even suggest it,” I snapped. “There is no way I would date Phil.”
“You are so into him,” countered Gillian. “My God. I can see it from here.”
“Yep, it’s true,” agreed Diamond. “I’ll bet your panties get wet just thinking about Aaron Paul!”
“You guys are gross.”
“There’s nothing gross about it. You’re not blood-related so you could do whatever you wanted with him. Who cares? It’s completely legal.”
“Eww! Stop. Please.”
“He must be either really ugly or really cute,” said Gillian. “Got a picture?”
“I do,” I said, getting my phone out.
“Uh, oh, she took his picture,” Gillian said.
“Mmmhmm,” Diamond nodded. “Remember when she was crushing on Brad? She didn’t have a picture of Brad.”
“Well, that’s because I don’t take pictures of guys I crush on,” I informed them. “Because I’m usually too nervous to do it and I forget. So there. Now, here’s a picture from the wedding. That’s Phil.”
He was wearing a tux and it was so hot that my panties got damp just from looking at it again.
Fuck.
I hated that he had this effect on me.
“He doesn’t look like Aaron Paul!” Diamond insisted. “He looks more like, I don’t know. Who was Thanos?”
“Josh Brolin?” asked Gillian.
“Yeah, like a young Josh Brolin,” concluded Diamond. “He’s cute, for sure. He’d be a first date fuck.”
Gillian laughed and started blushing.
I got annoyed.
“Seriously?” I asked. “You should stop, Di. That kind of attitude is not healthy.”
“What? It’s not like I’m gonna do it. Unless you bring him around, in which case, you’d probably be the one doing him, and then I definitely couldn’t.”
“No. No!” I laughed despite my best intentions not to. “I am not dating my stepbrother. Ew! Stop saying that. For the millionth time already.”
“Gillian, would you date her stepbrother?” asked Diamond.
“Yeah, I’d go out with him,” she admitted, after looking at the picture again.
I stared at her incredulously, mad at her for participating in this lunacy.
She was normally the sane one, compared to Diamond.
“When would you have sex with him?” she asked.
“Oh, wow, that’s a complicated question for me,” she said, thinking about it. “I mean, first, I have to really like him. Then I have to evaluate if he’s good for me, if we make a good couple and there has to be chemistry, you know?”
“Chemistry!” dismissed Diamond. “Listen to you. The only chemistry I want is the chemistry in those pants.”
“Jeez, Di!” I exclaimed blushing. “Dial it back, will ya?”
“You’ll miss me when I’m gone,” she vowed. “Since we’re all going home now. I don’t even know how I’m going to get all my stuff out of here. I had to rent a U-Haul to get it up here.”
“Wouldn’t you have to do that anyway?” asked Gillian.
“Yes, and I reserved my truck for the end of the semester. Now? You can’t get one. They’re all sold out!”
“Why did you bring your own furniture?” I asked, incredulous. “The rooms had furniture.”
“I’m not sitting on that ugly-ass couch!” she insisted. “My room’s the bomb with all the stuff I brought. You know it!”
“It is nice,” admitted Gillian.
“Of course it is. How can I study to be an Interior Decorator while living in a drab dorm room like all of you?” Diamond asked.
“I have an idea,” I offered. “Why don’t you move the stuff to a storage place near here? That way, when you come back, you won’t have to move it that far.”