Forbidden Alpha (Alpha's Obsession 4)

I’m thirty-two years old. I’ve been waiting long enough.

Zeus neighs as I hop onto his back and grab the reins. He starts trotting back to the herd, not needing me to tell him where to go.

I breathe in the smell of wet soil and newly budding leaves as I close my eyes and let the sun warm my face.

It’s springtime and I should be happy. But I’m not. I’m bummed out.

Especially when I see the four cabins in the far distance. I can imagine my brothers waking up next to their mates, smiling happily as they wrap their arms around their girls, pulling them into their embrace, right where they belong.

Why do I have to wake up in an empty bed? Where’s my girl to love and protect? Where is my mate to worship?

I sigh as the cattle come into view.

This is torture. Where do I have to go? What do I have to do to find her?

I drop my head as my heart aches. The longing is eating away at me. I could live with it when my three Bowen brothers were single too, but now, seeing the shine of love in their eyes whenever they look at their mates and seeing the girls with pregnant bellies or holding little babies… it’s too much. It hurts.

I haven’t been coping well.

Some days I barely eat.

And I never sleep through the night. I’m lucky if I get a few restless hours.

I need her.

I need her so badly.

But I don’t even know who she is. That’s the worst part. It’s like needing to breathe on a planet that has no air. It feels hopeless.

Adrian is by the cattle, fighting with his new horse Poseidon. It’s a big brown horse and he’s been having trouble breaking him in.

“No!” Adrian snaps. “Over there. Hey! I said over there! There!”

“Still having trouble?” I ask with a grin as I ride over to them.

“I don’t think he likes his name,” he says as the horse walks in circles. “Poseidon is a good name for a pet dolphin. A horse, not so much.”

“It’s a tradition,” I say with a shrug. All the horses on the ranch are named after the Greek Gods. Mine is named Zeus, Cameron’s horse is named Ares, Julian’s is named Apollo, and even the girls’ horses are named Artemis and Aphrodite.

“You guys took all the good names while my bear was living in the forest,” he says with a frown.

“You snooze, you lose,” I say with a chuckle as I guide over to them. I place a hand on Poseidon’s neck and whisper softly to him. He calms down almost immediately.

“How do you do that?” Adrian asks, looking at me in disbelief.

“You and your bear have to be calm if you want your horse to be calm.”

“My bear calm?” he says with a laugh. “So, you’re telling me I’m better off riding a bike up here?”

We chat for a bit and as the cows graze. I’m so happy to see Adrian doing well. I might feel sorry for myself about longing for my mate, but I haven’t been through anything close to what he’s been through. His feral grizzly put him through a decade of pure hell.

He takes over the shift and I head back to my cabin to get some breakfast. Or, make breakfast and then stare at it while my stomach clenches is more like it.

It’s difficult, but I am happy for my brothers. I’ll never forget how they took me in after my father died. He was mowing his field and fell asleep at the wheel. It rolled out of control and he headed down a hill, picking up speed, and then he rolled right off a cliff. I tried to keep the ranch running by myself, but I was only eighteen years old, and inevitably, the bank foreclosed on it.

Their parents brought me into their family and treated me as if I was one of their own. They never made me feel like I didn’t have Bowen blood running through my veins, but deep down I’ve always known. I’ve always felt a little bit like an outsider, but that’s probably just me.

Their parents are retired and living in Australia now. We haven’t seen them for a long time. Maybe I should go visit to help get my mind off of this torture for a while.

I spot a cloud of dust billowing over the trees as I get closer to the cabins. Someone is driving along the main road. I glance at the parking lot and see Zoe and Jane’s car already here.

Probably a salesman or something, but I keep my eye on the red car as it pulls into our ranch. It stops next to Cameron’s truck and my heart seizes in my chest when a girl with long wavy brown hair steps out and looks around.