Good thing he hadn’t woken up.
I’d choked back tears as I left the cabin, as I got into my rental car, as I drove into Billings, as I got on the plane.
Finally, now that I’d kept the tears at bay all day, I was myself again.
Riley Wolfe, who buried her emotions inside. It was the only way I could exist.
Time to let my brothers know I was back. I called Roy. He was the one I trusted the most, though I couldn’t tell you why. Of all my brothers, I felt the most like Roy would “get” me.
“Sis?” he said frantically into the phone.
“Yeah, it’s me.” I cleared my throat. “I’m back.”
“Thank God. Where are you?”
“At my place.”
“Are you okay?”
“Better, anyway.” Thanks to Matt Rossi.
“We’re here for you. All of us. What do you need?”
I sighed. “Right now I just need for all of this to be over, you know?”
“God, do I. I have news. When can we see you?”
I was exhausted. But this needed to get resolved.
“Tonight,” I said.A few hours later, I sat in Rock’s hotel suite. He hadn’t moved into the penthouse because it was still considered a crime scene. His new wife, Lacey, was there, along with her assistant, Charlie Waters. Apparently she and Roy were an item now.
I smiled. Roy looked happy. Actually happy. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him that way before.
Once Reid arrived and room service had been ordered, we settled in for a long night.
“The memorial service is tomorrow,” Rock said. “I know the thought of acting like children destroyed by our father’s death makes us all want to hurl, but we all need to be there and do it.”
No one said anything.
“You feeling me?” Rock asked.
“Yeah, of course,” Reid said. “It just sucks, is all.”
“No shit. But we have to be there.”
“Any news on Zinnia?” Roy asked.
“Zinnia?” I said.
“Yeah. She’s a woman who entered into some kind of settlement with Dad and Father Jim.”
“Father Jim?”
“Shit. There’s a lot you don’t know,” Rock said. “Lace, you want to fill her in, since you uncovered this part of it?”
“Sure.” Lacey cleared her throat. “When I was an associate at my old firm, I found the signature page of a document in the copy room. All I know is that it was some kind of settlement and confidentiality agreement, and your father was one of the signatories. The other one was someone named James—we think it was probably Father Jim, but I can’t recall the last name—and the third one was a woman named Zinnia. Again, I can’t remember the last name. It took a lot of doing just to remember that much.”
“Father Jim?”
“Yeah, Father Jim,” Roy said. “He’s not the paragon of the church he’d like us to think he is.”
“Did he ever…” I gulped.
“No, no. He’s not one of those priests.” Roy shook his head. “At least as far as I know, though it wouldn’t surprise me. His victims seem to be adult women.”
“But Dad…” I gulped again.
Lacey, who sat next to me, touched my forearm. I whisked it away.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“It’s okay. I just…”
Don’t like to be touched. The words were true, but also contradictory. I’d let Matt touch me. In fact, I’d craved it.
“Dad liked little girls,” Rock said. “We all know it now.”
I shook my head.
“Riley?” Roy asked.
“Dad didn’t like little girls,” I said. “I mean, only me. He never…”
“Wait, wait, wait… What are you trying to say?” Rock asked.
“I’m saying that… Sometimes Dad and I… We were with…others. And he only touched me.”
Roy shook his head. “Riley. Fuck.”
“It’s okay,” I said, though it wasn’t okay at all.
“We all know the truth now, Riley,” Reid said, “and we’re all so damned sorry.”
“It’s in the past,” I said. The recent past, but still the past.
“We’re going to get you all the help you need,” Rock said. “The best there is. Roy and Lace have been working with a psychologist they really like.”
“I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”
“It’s okay. We’re on your time,” Reid said. “You call the shots.”
I laughed. Actually laughed.
“What’s funny?” Rock asked.
“Just the idea of me calling my own shots. Totally laughable. He controlled me my whole life.”
“Well, the bastard’s dead and buried,” Rock said. “From now on, you’re in charge of your own life, and we’re all here for you. Got it?”
“Got it.” I smiled. Actually smiled like I’d smiled with Matt. “And damn, it feels good.”24MatteoMid-afternoon the next day found me wandering around town, visiting all the places I’d taken Riley. After a visit to Mrs. Carson’s—where she fed me a Mexican lunch of posole and rice, which tasted like sawdust—I walked by Trudy’s. She was closed, getting ready for the dinner rush, but I waved to her through the window and she motioned for me to come in.
“How’s tricks, Matt?” she asked.
“Okay.”
“You seem blue. That’s not like you.”