Stepbrother Beloved

For me? Oh yeah, big deal. Big big big deal. But if going through with this helped get me over Tanner, then it was worth it. I turned on my stool again and signaled the bartender. I glanced at the man beside me but he seemed lost in his book, although how he could read in that light I have no idea.

“What can I get you?” asked the bartender. He was pretty hot himself. A long ponytail, chiseled features, and a nice smile. But I didn’t want to hang around until closing, if this place ever closed, even if I could manage to convince him to do me, which I doubted.

Jamie was over in a booth, laughing it up with some guy. Didn’t she know I needed a lot more handholding through this? I’d never seduced a guy before. Where were my training wheels?!

“Um,” I said, after a long pause. “I’m sorry, I never know what to order.” I looked over his shoulder at the bottles arrayed behind him, staggered by the choices.

I half-turned to the bad-ass professor but he was still reading and didn’t seem to know anyone was sitting next to him.

Things weren’t going well.

The bartender just shrugged and poured me a shot. “Start with this. After one everything’ll get easier.”

I threw back the shot and stood up. I pushed through the crowd by the bar and went to check out the back room. It looked like Jamie might be making out with the guy in the booth and I wanted to just get this whole thing over with.

The back room had some old sofas and big armchairs along with a pool table in one corner. There were a few groups standing and talking. I was starting to despair of the whole stupid idea and wanted to go home. I had brought an econ textbook home with me and I could get a head start on next term’s work instead of hanging around this dingy place hoping for something to happen that wasn’t going to.

I felt like such a loser.

I turned to leave, on my way to find Jamie and let her know I was bailing.

“Hey!” some guy called out. “Hey mini-skirt!” I turned back around. A guy was leaning against a doorsill holding a beer, looking at me with his head cocked.

“You talking to me?”

“Yeah, I’m talking to you,” he said, with a half-smile. “Come here,” he said.

Well. I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure. Should I just get it over with, and hope this dude would erase the lusty feelings I had for Tanner? If I started down this road, I’d be able to put on the brakes if I wanted, right? I could still change my mind?

I might as well talk to the guy. He wasn’t bad-looking. I took a deep breath and made myself walk over to him. “Yeah?” I said, trying to sound tough but somehow sexy. I smirked and looked down at my feet. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.

“Nice legs,” he said, looking me up and down.

“Nice chest,” I said back, and uh huh, that was no lie. His shirt was tight and I could see his six-pack. I wondered what it would be like to run my hands over it. I didn’t especially want to, but I tried to imagine doing it, what it would feel like, hoping to kindle some desire.

And then things started to move fast. He bought me a drink, and talked more about my legs, and I guess we talked about something else for at least a little while, but then he was talking about how he wanted me to wrap my legs around him and I was a little drunk and I figured yeah okay, that’s what I came for, right? And so then I was following him outside.

“I can’t leave, a friend’s meeting me here,” I told him. Yeah, I wanted to lose my virginity, but I wasn’t going to risk leaving in a car with a complete stranger. I was drunk but not that drunk.

“You like gettin’ your meat outside,” he said, and laughed, and my blood sort of froze then, because his laugh…his laugh was not for me. It wasn’t mean, but it sort of repulsed me, and that was the moment I started to regret doing something I hadn’t even done yet. But I couldn’t stop it, either. I didn’t know how.

“Oh baby,” he groaned into my ear, pushing me up against the side of a truck, and reaching down between my legs. He kissed me, forcing his tongue in deeper than I wanted it—hell, I didn’t want that tongue at all. I was feeling sort of like I was floating up in the air, above us both, looking down at what was happening but not actually participating in it myself.

Why didn’t I just push him away and say no thanks? I don’t know. I don’t know how to get it across but in that first moment it really was like my body wasn’t attached to me anymore. But the me inside was starting to cry. Whatever this was, it wasn’t what I was looking for. I understood that now.

“Wrap those legs around me, bitch,” he said, squeezing my breast too hard.

Oh god, Jamie, where are you? Cars were coming and going and I hoped somebody would walk by and interrupt him.

In my drunken haze I had a flash of clarity and realized if I wanted out of this situation, it was on me. I managed to turn my face away. I said, “Actually…” and tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

“What’s your problem,” he growled in my ear, pressing me harder against the truck.

“Look, I don’t want—” I started, and then I yelled, “STOP!” right in his ear and kneed him in the crotch.

He buckled, and his grip weakened just enough for me to get away. I pushed off from that truck and flew towards my car, almost running into another guy, who—you guessed it—Tanner.

God, was I glad to see him.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice harsh.

“I just—look, this isn’t a place to—”

The other guy came up behind me and clamped his arm around my waist. “We’re not done, baby,” he said, roughly pulling me back between two cars.

Tanner didn’t say a word. He followed us and took one shot, clocking the guy on the jaw. I heard an ominous crunch and the guy dropped like a rock. I had never seen Tanner hurt anyone, not ever. But that creep was rolling around on the ground, not getting up. I thought I heard him whimper.

Tanner whirled back to me and grabbed my arm.“Again, what the hell are you doing here?”

I was so relieved to see him. My protector, just like old times. “I came with Jamie. And you can stop acting like you’re in charge of me. I can do what I want.” I was walking fast to my car even though what I wanted was to run into Tanner’s arms.

He got in the driver’s seat. “Keys,” he said, holding out his hand. “No, wait, let’s take mine.” He clicked my key fob to lock up my car and then led me quickly to his: that awesome black Lexus.

I jumped in because I wanted to get as far away from that guy as possible. He could be rising up like a zombie and come up behind

me again. “Just get me the hell out of here,” I said, settling in to the luxurious seat. “And I can take care of myself, Tanner. You don’t need to come barging in like that.”

“Um, Margaret? Did I misunderstand, or was that guy thinking he was going to get into your pants whether you wanted him to or not? And did you have the dumb idea that you can drive when you’re this drunk?”

I didn’t answer at first. Of course he was right. And I was grateful, really grateful, that he had come along when he did. But that didn’t mean I was happy about being wrong, if you see what I mean.

“How did you even know where we were?”

“Jamie’s roommate told me where you guys went. I was trying to track you down because you left without saying where you were going. This is a short vacation,” he said, his voice softening, “and it’s been too long, Maggie—we hardly get to see each other at all anymore.”

“I’ve missed you so much,” I said quietly.

“Same,” he answered. “Same.”

The Lexus was a stick shift and Tanner was shifting and then reaching for my hand. He would let go when he needed to shift and then his hand would come right back. All the love, all the missing, all the everything we felt went into that hand-holding. We caressed each other’s fingers. We gripped hard. We nestled in each other’s palms, stroked each other’s wrists.

It was so arousing, so erotic—I thought I would explode right there in the car, like a burst of freaking fireworks. It was just our hands touching, but still. Oh my god. He had to be feeling it too, there was no way not to.

Tanner parked in front of the house and we sat for a moment in the dark, still not talking, still holding hands.

“Whose car is this?” I blurted out, sounding way more rude than I meant.

Tanner didn’t answer. He kept hold of my hand. “Listen, I didn’t mean to barge in back there,” he said, touching my cheek with his other hand.

“Barge in? The guy was an asshole,” I said, but I wasn’t thinking about that guy, I was thinking about Tanner, my Tanner, who was holding my hand, touching my cheek, making my blood boil up with desire.