The food finally came, and I let out a quiet sigh of relief, because the atmosphere felt suffocating. Then I felt a little guilty after thinking that, because this was the first time in a while that Dad and I spent time together that had nothing to do with the team. I’d lived in the dorms through college and we barely got to see each other at home because we were both busy. Other than work, we didn’t have anything in common, either, so while we saw each other nearly every day, there would be days we didn’t say a single thing to each other.
I took a bite of my pizza and a sip of my wine, and decided it was perfect. Then Dad broke the silence.
“So,” he said. “How have you been? I haven’t seen much of you recently.”
“I don’t know, Dad, just busy. Practice is about to start so we’ll see each other more often, but you’re busy, too, aren’t you. You’re even dating.”
He let out a tiny smile. “Yes. She wanted to invite you over for dinner, actually.”
“When?”
“Whenever you’re free.”
We were quiet for a bit, and I thought as I ate. It was awkward for me that Dad and Howard’s mom were dating, especially with what we had going on between us, only I’d slept with him before Dad even told me he was seeing someone. Being around his mom would be weird for me, but then I wondered if it wouldn’t be weirder for Dad.
I turned to him with determination. I’d kept myself out of it because I knew Dad was angry, but I was done with his stubbornness, too. If he wasn’t going to take me seriously, he could at least give Howard that consideration.
“And Howard?”
Dad froze then looked up with a frown, setting his glass back down. “What about Howard?”
“Will he be present at this dinner? I assume his mom would want him there as well?”
He sighed and picked his glass up again, taking a sip. “He will probably be there, sure. He does live away from his mom, though, and he might be busy.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, knowing he would prefer if Howard was busy and wouldn’t show up. He couldn’t outright show hostility toward him with his mom there, after all. Howard might have fucked up, but his mom was still his biggest supporter, and a part of me envied him that.
“Why won’t you just give Howard another chance?” I asked. “I know he’s been asking.”
He scowled. “Howard is a loser, and I don’t want a loser on my team. I also don’t want you getting close to him again. I know you’re the one who head hunted him for the team, but it was a huge mistake, so just forget about him.”
I scowled back at Dad. I was a little surprised at the wave of anger that washed through me. It wasn’t as if I didn’t know what he thought of Howard, but hearing him talk about him that way upset me.
“That’s out of line, Dad. It’s also not fair, he has been trying–”
“He shouldn’t have made the mistake in the first place, Zoe. If we let a druggie onto the team, do you know what would happen? If it gets out, our reputation will be ruined. If he wants to ruin his own life, that’s fine, but I won’t let him take my team down. I know you meant well when you asked him to join, but we’ll just look for a different running back. Don’t bring this up again.”
I opened my mouth to argue, only to stop. Even though I was grown up already, Dad was still treating me like a kid. Even in our meeting earlier, he hadn’t taken me seriously, if I continued arguing, he’d just shut me down. Obviously, he couldn’t deal with the fact that I was grown up, with thoughts of my own and dreams of my future that didn’t align with his own.
My frustration at him made me snap. I looked down at my mostly eaten pizza and half empty glass of wine. I stuffed my mouth with what was left, because it would be such a shame to waste it, then I knocked back the wine. Dad just watched me in surprise as I quickly finished my meal then jumped up, dropped some bills on the table to cover my cost and walked out. I assumed he was too surprised at my behavior, or too exasperated, to call me back.
I got outside, and I paused. He drove me here, so I’d have to get a taxi, but I didn’t know where I wanted to go. Should I go and look for Howard so we could talk? But I didn’t think I could put up with him, either, in my current mood. I didn’t have many friends to hang out with, and they’d all be busy in the middle of the day on a weekday, so the only option was to head back to home. Dad wouldn’t come back until late at night, or he might decide to stay over at his girlfriend’s home, so I wouldn’t have to worry about seeing him.
Instead of flagging down a taxi, I started down the sidewalk. A walk would do well to clear my head. A family of three walked past me. The mom and dad holding a little girl between them as she chattered happily, and I felt my eyes sting at the picture.
Mom, I miss you...
Right now, it was only Dad and me, but it wasn’t always like that. Everything was so much easier when she was around. Even though she had been ill for so long before she passed away, Dad and I still got along easier when we were both worrying about her rather than trying to interact with each other without her there.
It wasn’t that my dad didn’t care about me, I knew he did. He cared about Mom as much as I did, and we both grieved when Mom finally succumbed to cancer five years ago now, after a long fight. The time when we were happy, before her cancer was diagnosed, was back in my senior year of high school when I was just eighteen. Things just slowly deteriorated from there.
We never talked about Mom’s death. Actually, I just thought Dad and I didn’t know how to talk to each other, period. It just wasn’t as obvious before, but I could remember up until high school, whenever I sat with Dad in the same room and Mom wasn’t there, he’d ask some off handed questions about school, then we’d sit in silence while he focused on TV or his newspaper, or I was on my phone. The only time we weren’t sitting together in the same room in awkward silence, was when there was a game on TV.
Mom and I had been close. I’d loved football from a young age, and I hadn’t been good at making friends as I focused so much on the sport, so Mom was the only person I could confidently call my best friend for the longest time.
It had definitely come as a surprise to me when Dad told me he was in love with Howard’s mom, Katie. I was happy for him, that he was finally moving on with his life, which was why I was so careful to keep the thing between Howard and me under wraps. He was going to ask her to marry him, and I didn’t want to ruin things for him.
So why doesn’t he show the same kind of consideration for me?
I wanted to be the team’s General Manager. I was definitely qualified for the position, and I could always apply to ano
ther team if I wanted, but that wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to work with any team besides the one that I loved, the same one Dad had put so much effort in, and the same one Mom supported with us even though she didn’t know a thing about the sport or love it nearly as much as Dad and I did.
Dad was very influential. He had a lot of money that he’d worked for years and invested like crazy to earn. He didn’t even need to be the team coach, but he loved being hands on with the players. Why couldn’t he think that I felt the same way, even though I’d told him over and over already? He’d offered to let me do whatever else I wanted besides the one thing that I asked him for, but I just wasn’t interested.
If Mom had been there, I didn’t doubt that she would have mediated for me. Without her, I just didn’t know how to get through to him. Then again, if Mom was around then we wouldn’t even be having this argument and it wouldn’t be a big deal that not only was Dad hooking up Howard’s mom, but I was hooking up with Howard too.
Chapter Four
Howard
Fuck!
My alarm woke me up. I groaned as I rolled over and got out of bed. Even when I had nothing to do, I tried to be up early in the morning, but today was special, so I couldn’t just hit the snooze button and go back to sleep.
The team was getting together to practice. The season would be starting soon. I technically didn’t have a team, but I was really invested in this one. I’d have to keep trying to talk Ben down, but I’d leave that to another day. I got showered, then got dressed and headed out.
I wasn’t the only one up this early. Actually, when I turned up for practice, everybody else was already out on the field.
“Dude! You finally made it!”
Brad, one of the other players, saw me coming out onto the field and ran over with a grin. The others followed behind him.
“Sorry, I think I’m the only one who’s late.”
“Nah, not just you,” another player said. “Coach isn’t here yet.”