Beast Brothers

We ride in silence for a few minutes, and then I ask, "How about you? Do you have a girlfriend?"

He cocks an eyebrow. "If I had a girlfriend I wouldn't have gone outside with you last night."

I shrug.

"So I was almost your rebound guy?" he asks.

Now I'm the one flinching. I feel so bad about my thoughtless actions, and he's not letting me forget about it.

"Look, I can't apologize enough. I'm so sorry about last night. But can we please just forget about it?"

"It's not going to be easy to forget," he says.

I redden, and hope that he can't see me in the dim light filtering in through the trees. I'd never admit it, but I agree with him. Last night was pretty unforgettable. I steal a glance at him, expecting to see a smug grin on his face, but he looks thoughtful and serious. He's staring straight ahead and I can't help but drink in the sight of him sitting comfortably on the stallion, his body flexing and hips rolling with the horse's steps.

When he turns toward me, I quickly look down at Gracie and rub her head. "What do you think about the engagement?" I ask.

"I'm really happy for my dad," Billy says. "It took him a long time to get over losing our mom. I'm glad he found your mother."

"Yeah, me too," I say. "That must have been hard for all of you. Losing your mom."

"Yeah. Cancer sucks." His shoulders slump with those few words, and I wish I could give him a hug. We're quiet for a long time after that, but it feels like a companionable silence.

There’s a barbed wire fence running not quite parallel to our trail through the woods and eventually we reach a section where our path veers close to the fence. It’s at that point where something catches Billy’s attention. I see him pull on his reigns and say something to the horses, and then Gracie comes to a stop alongside Buck.

Billy hops down and walks toward the fence, using cautious footing and a fairly slow pace. I scan the area he’s approaching, and then I see it— a small tan animal huddled against the wire. I crane my neck for a better view and see white spots. A fawn.

Before he reaches it, Billy stops and looks around him, then he continues in a stooped position as if trying to make himself appear smaller and less threatening as he nears the animal. I wonder why it’s not running from him.

When he’s next to it and it still hasn’t run away, I realize the fawn must be hurt. I want to go to him, but I decide I’d better stay with the horses. Billy’s hunched down in front of the animal for several minutes, and I find myself holding my breath, hoping it’s okay. The forest, which has been quiet all along, now seems completely still. Even the horses aren’t moving.

Finally, I see movement, catch sight of the spots, and watch the little deer start to move away. It turns and looks back in Billy’s direction for a moment, then it bounds away, jumping gracefully over plants and logs in its path.

Billy returns to me, dusting dirt from his hands. “Did you see him?” he asks. “Poor guy was stuck in the fence.”

“You saved him!” I say. “Was he hurt?”

“I don’t think so. Mostly scared, I think. It didn’t look like he’d been there long.”

“He’s really lucky you saw him.”

Billy effortlessly remounts Buck and we continue. The trail loops around eventually, and we head back the way we came. I look around for the fawn, but I know there’s probably no chance we’ll see it again today.

It doesn’t feel like we’ve been out very long, but when we emerge from the forest, I see that the sky has changed. The sun is sinking on the horizon and dusk is approaching. We climb the slope again, and from the ridge we have a beautiful view of the sunset. Billy almost doesn't seem to notice it, so I ask if we can stop. The horses take advantage of the opportunity to eat the long grasses as we sit and watch the colors of the sky change before us. Pale blue deepens, then shifts to violet with streaks of bright pink. It's stunning.

"Does this happen every night?" I ask, as I watch in awe.

"Most nights, I guess," he says. "I don't even pay attention." He laughs a little, and sounds almost self-conscious. "We'd better get back while we can still see where we’re going.”

We're not far from the barn, but by the time we get there, the daylight is nearly gone and everything is in shadow. Nighttime here is so different from the city, where there are always streetlights, signs and cars illuminating the darkness.

Gracie stops at the barn's entrance, while Billy goes in and turns on a light. When he returns, he helps me dismount, and then he takes care of the horses, seeming to do all the pre-ride preparations in reverse. I'm impressed with the way he tends to the animals. He treats them with respect and affection. Billy seems like he can be a good guy when he's not tormenting me.

As we leave the barn, I slow down to sidestep soggy ruts created by the horses' hooves. "You sure do have a lot of mud around here," I say.

"What's the matter, city girl? Afraid of getting dirty?"

I start to protest, but Billy interrupts me. "Wait, what's this? Did you drop an earring?" He bends down to the ground and starts to reach for the item he's found.

I bend to look too, and before I know what's happening, Billy turns toward me suddenly and swipes a finger full of cold, sticky mud across my cheek. I sputter in disbelief as he erupts in laughter.

"How could you do that?!" I gasp.

After he catches his breath, he says, "What's the matter? You'd probably pay money for a mud facial in the city!"

"Yeah?" I bend down, grab a handful of the nasty muck and lunge at him, reaching for his face. He stops me before I even get close, and pushes my hands back against my own face, smearing the mud I'd gathered onto my chin and cheeks. I struggle against him, but he holds my wrists in his grip as if they're nothing. He's close, his taunting face just inches from mine. I'm sputtering and he's laughing, but soon we both grow still, and our eyes lock.

Memories of last night flicker through my mind and I feel a pull toward him. He may be a jerk sometimes, and the attraction that I feel may be entirely inappropriate, but it’s there nonetheless. I look at his lips and remember how they felt against mine. I remember how he tasted. I meet his eyes again and see desire reflected back at me.

What if he was to kiss me right now? Would I let him?

Billy rubs his thumb along the skin of my wrist where my hands are trapped in his. That little movement, so small it might barely be noticed, sends a shiver through me.

He holds my gaze as he slowly moves in closer. When he releases my hands, I reach for him and… smear my muddy fingers all over his handsome face. For one brief moment, I revel in his look of surprise. Then I turn and take off running toward the house at full speed.

Chapter 11

We have a quiet Saturday evening. After I get cleaned up, it's time for dinner, and later we all watch TV together. Billy is polite to me in front of our parents. He keeps his distance and doesn't try any more funny business.

I enjoy an extremely restful sleep, and am a little bit sad the next morning to know that I'll be heading back to the city later in the day.

I find my mom alone in the kitchen where she's having coffee. “Good morning, sweetie. Would you like some toast?”

“No big breakfast today?” I ask.

“We’ll be having a big Sunday dinner around noon. I need to get started on that, in fact.”

I eat a quick bite and then help her with food preparation. While we cook, we talk specifics about the wedding details, and make plans for her to visit me in the city to go shopping the following weekend. The morning flies by, and soon all five of us are sitting down together in the dining room at a table filled with roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, freshly baked rolls, and salad.

Things with Billy seem as they should be. He's friendly, but not inappropriate, and there's no covert touching under the table.

It bothers me that I kind of miss it.

I feel like I one-upped him during our mud fight yesterday, and I'm sure his behavior toward me

now is more the result of my running away from our close contact, than of my smearing mud on him. For a brief moment outside the barn, it felt like we might kiss. I felt the pull, but I couldn't let it happen. He probably thinks I faked the attraction, staring into his eyes and willing him closer, just so I could get mud on him. I'm happy to let him think that, even though it's not true.

He and I need to be friends, just friends, and have a healthy step-sibling relationship. So why can’t I keep from sneaking glances at him and noticing things no sister should notice on a brother, like how his tight shirt stretches across his chest and clings to his muscles in places as if it’s painted on?

I need to be careful not to get too close to him; I need to resist this attraction.

George's dining room is at the front of the house. During our meal, I hear tires crunch on the gravel driveway. I look around, and notice that Billy and Tommy are alert to the sound too, but my mom and George carry on eating. When a car door slams, however, my mother quickly rises and goes to the front door.

I hear her open the door, and then she calls out to me, her voice sing-song and syrupy. "Kate, you have a visitor."

A chill passes over me, and my stomach clenches with nerves and irritation. I can only think of one person who might be here to see me.

I push my chair back slowly and I swear that I can feel Billy's eyes on me.

My mom is holding the front door wide open, and as I approach I see Clay on the porch. He's holding a sizable bouquet of pink blossoms, and he has an irritatingly confident grin on his face.

"What are you doing here?" I ask. "And how did you even know where I was?"

"Clay wanted to surprise you, sweetie. He called me yesterday, when you were out riding." My mom sounds like she believes that his visit is the most romantic thing ever, like he just couldn't be away from me for two days, though as she talks I realize she's starting to register my displeasure at his arrival. I immediately regret not having told her what had happened between us.