Still. It was all cool.
I’d miss looking at Cut.
Gah.
I loved Cut. I think I loved him all my life.* * *So I went back to live with my mom.
She was nice, like I knew she would be.
Until she got bored, like I knew she would get.
Then she found a new guy, like I knew would happen.
So, the same old, same old happened.
This time I went to the shelter, but I wasn’t there long.
Something happened, so I stayed with Herb for a bit. Herb was cool.
He’s got a nice dog, too.
But somehow the cops found out where I was. I got picked up.
I knew not to ask Natalie or Deek, so that time I went to my uncle’s.
Things were good, until they weren’t.
Same old, same old.
But turns out, not this time.* * *I couldn’t believe they came for me.
I was more grounded this time. It was a whole year later. I was going into my senior year of high school, and this time I was with the normal kids. They got me meds. My uncle got me in to see a therapist who worked with me. There was a new county program where they paid for those services. There was group therapy, and yeah, okay, they sent me somewhere for a bit. But I came out, and it was like the world was shining brighter.
I’ve never felt like this.
People would say things, and I understood them. I responded, and they replied.
I felt like one of them, you know?
If you know, you know. If you don’t, that’s cool. That meant you’re blessed.
The place said I was misdiagnosed, and my symptoms were because my mom was a junkie when I was inside of her. And I got all that. It made sense, but it was awesome. I mean, it wasn’t. The reason I was there and all of us were there wasn’t cool at all.
Though, could I tell you a secret?
I was relieved. And I felt bad saying that. I’d never admit that to anyone else, but I was.
There were no more ups and downs, threats, screams, violence, the streets, shelters, cops, or fostering. From the time I lived with my dad, and the times I’ve been with my uncle, I got that I needed structure. It said a lot that a kid like me got that. Like, it said a lot.
“Cheyenne.”
Oh, boy. My dad. He looked wary to talk to me.
“Hi, Deek.”
He smiled, and he blinked a few times before he came the rest of the way to where I was waiting.
He reached for me, and like a normal person (who can read that this is what he wanted), I moved in, and he hugged me.
I hugged him back.
It was all so cool.
Then Natalie was here, and she smiled at me with all this gentleness. Who knew she could be like that? Not that she was mean mean, but she was at least slightly bitchy mean. If that made sense?
And holy crapola I’m-gonna-crap-my-pants crap!
There’s a little dude next to her, and he looked just like Chad. His hair even had a slight twinge of red in it.
I thought Natalie was reaching for a hug, but no way. I dropped to my knees, smiling wide at this little guy, and I reached for him (because I can now, because I’m a normal person now—there are so many benefits to hanging in the normal, cool crowd), and he came to me!
“Hey, buddy.” Keep it quiet, Cheyenne. Calm. Don’t scare the little dude away. “I’m your big sister.”
“I know!”
I always wanted a sibling.
A little dude to love and look over.
I was almost bowled over by his excitement.
“Hunter,” Natalie reprimanded him.
I didn’t know why, but he stared at her and then he must’ve remembered.
“Oh.” He lifted his arms, wound them around my neck, and squeezed me tight. He said in a rush, “I’msorryaboutyourmomIheardshewasn’tnicebutI’mstillsorry.”
Okay.
I replayed it back silently, put in the spaces, and I got it.
I eased back and held up my pinkie finger.
He was watching me. Wide eyes. Then, grinning, he lifted his pinkie, and we locked.
“Put it there, dude.”
Could I tell you another secret?
I didn’t like talking about my mom or the reason everyone was here.
There was sadness, and I felt it, but right now I was riding the wave of meeting my little brother. Now I’ve not only met Hunter, hugged Hunter, but we pinkie-duded each other.
Little Dude leaned forward and whispered in my ear, “Do you like koalas?”
I leaned back, giving him the biggest and brightest smile ever. “You serious? I love koalas!”
His whole face lit up. “Me too.”
I looked up, but no Chad. Or Cut. (I was really hoping Cut would come.)
As if reading my mind, Natalie coughed. “Chad’s at a hockey camp where he’s going to college next year.”
I stood, but I had to squeeze little dude’s shoulder.
He looked up, bumping into my leg, and I’m calling it. We’re going to be the best koala-loving friends.