The Not - Outcast

“Your story can save lives. What you went through, it’s not normal. I mean, it is, but it’s not. From where you were, to where you are now. You’re one fucking rad bitch, and you need to tell people about it. About you.”

“I’m messed in the head.”

“Everyone’s messed in the head. Some are just worse than others, and some deny it, some don’t even know about it. I’m just saying, you’re a fucking beacon of light. You were for me.”

“So, you want her to do what? Do a speech at the event in an hour? Capitalize on our private moment?” Cut’s voice came from the hallway, and it was low, and I heard the danger there. He was pissed, beyond pissed.

Melanie turned to face him. “No. I’m only saying she shouldn’t hide anymore, and she’s been hiding. All this time.”

He didn’t respond, but his gaze went to mine. He had his phone in hand. “The team’s PR department is already fielding calls about the articles. They’ve moved to get what they can pulled down, but they’re getting a lot of questions about you. If they’re getting calls like that, then I’d assume Come Our Way is getting a ton, too.” A pause. The edges around his mouth strained. “A national news channel already picked it up.”

Oh, whoa.

I couldn’t. I just frowned. “Is this normal?”

“No.”

“Cut’s never seen with a chick, and now they’re finding out about you, I’m not surprised at all. You’re made of golden gooey aura and shit. Everyone else will find out now too.”

The door opened and Sasha came inside, carrying an outfit, her makeup bag, and she had a bottle of vodka with her. She stopped in her tracks, reading the room. “Apocalypse?”* * *Sasha was filled in, and in typical Sasha fashion, she had a lot of one-word comments.

Finally. Fuck. Fierce. Frenzied.

She didn’t elaborate on what the last word meant, no one asked, and we all moved on. It fit in with the theme, but Sasha was behind Melanie’s sentiment. She agreed with the ‘golden gooey aura’ and I needed a moment.

KC’s Dirty Rag didn’t take down the article, but the other news site did. My very, very personal essay was removed, but I knew it was out there. Fucking Internet.

“I keep my life private, and I keep my image about hockey.” Cut came to my bedroom’s doorframe.

Sasha and Melanie were using the guest bathroom to get dressed, and both were two drinks in. They had the sounds of Queen filling the apartment, and both were on the operatic part.

I’d retreated to the bedroom thirty minutes after Sasha’s arrival because it was a lot. Just…a lot.

Looking up, I said, “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head, coming inside and shutting the door behind him. He’d changed, too, so he was wearing an all-black tuxedo. It was that kind of event, and he looked very 007-esque. When I was in a better mood, I’d be teasing about calling him a certain spy’s name in bed, but I wasn’t there yet. We hadn’t moved to the funny part of the day’s events.

“But when I first saw that image, I didn’t think about me. I thought about you. You were the only thing on my mind, and I was so damned scared that you’d pull away from me because of it.” He came forward, standing right in front of me. His eyes were pinning me down, holding me captive by the sheer need in them. He looked almost ravenous. And his voice came out choked, “I cannot lose you. I feel like I just got you. And there’s a feeling in me, like I’ve been searching for you since high school, since maybe that first time I saw you at the locker. I don’t know if that’s true, but I cannot lose you. You understand me? But having said that, I agree with your friends.”

I closed my eyes, my head going down.

But he kept on, his voice so soft and yet, so clear to me. “I’m doubling down on what I said in the parking lot. I’m doubling down on everything. I’m not a person who thinks anyone deserves anything. I’ve always had the mindset that you earn it, that no one is entitled to anything. Except with you. You’re the only one who is entitled to everything good that’s coming your way. And now I need to tell you that I got another call. The team’s PR would like to officially represent you. They did more digging and informed me how prestigious the grant was that you got.”

That damn grant. I was starting to regret being awarded it.

Well, not really.

I thought about the guys who come to Come Our Way, and never. I’d never regret winning that.

“I don’t want it. I don’t want any of it…except you.”

“Your friends are right. People are going to salivate over you. Your entire story is worth telling. You’re worth telling. You’re worth showing off to the world.” He moved closer, bending down so he was kneeling before me.