The Not - Outcast

Other days, a light graze was all that was needed.

I found that. So in that way, I got my happily ever after.

It’s been ten years. Cut’s still playing hockey. My podcast grew until it was so popular that we were having regular celebrities as guests. The highest ratings were always when it was just the three of us: Melanie, Sasha, and myself.

Life was good.

Cut and I married two years after he won the Stanley Cup.

Two more years after and we fostered our first little boy. Next a little girl.

Then siblings.

Teenager siblings.

We fostered a family of five children, ages ranging from seventeen to seven. There was a nineteen-year-old. He wasn’t a foster, but he lived with us. He was the sixth in that family.

We adopted four children over the years: Rain, Emily, Brian, and Lewis.

We adopted four dogs as well: Cutter, Chadwick, Clitty, and Sucker. Rain named Clitty. (She wants to be a medical doctor.) Emily named Sucker. (She just wants to hit things. She’ll probably go into construction.) Cutter and Chadwick came together and got their names because Cutter wouldn’t stop humping Cut’s leg. Chadwick because he was kind of a douche dog. I never thought dogs could be douches, but he was. That was the phrase around the house, ‘Don’t be a Chad.’ It was the PG version of the other one, ‘fucking Chad.’

Come Our Way was going strong.

Reba, Boomer, and Gail doted on all the kids and animals. Dean was still around, but I had no idea how that happened. He did another few events that weren’t cleared by everyone, and the board hadn’t been happy when I notified them about it. He got reprimanded, was asked to take a leave of absence. He came back three months later with a more ‘teamwork’ attitude. We never had an issue after that.

He asked to use my season ticket again. I said no.

He’s asked a few more times. I always enjoy saying no. My whole ‘setting him up’ had been a one time feat, and I was glad that I never had to do it again.

Then we met his girlfriend and Dean’s new attitude made more sense. She was the sweetest thing. When she walked into Come Our Way, she was a child and animal whisperer. Where she went, they followed in a line. Literally.

Her name was Sunny.

Beep! Beep!

I was in Melanie’s favorite place in the world, the bathroom. Since she and Cassie got married, she swears she likes it even more. It’s her new Zen place. Though, I wasn’t on the toilet. I’d already done that business. Hearing my phone’s alarm, I turned it off and looked up at the counter. I was sitting on the floor.

The house was quiet, for once. All the kids were at Mama Alice’s house. They bought one three houses down from ours as their second home, which was really their main home since Dylan and Jamison both were living in states close to us. I didn’t understand why they kept their first home, but Mama Alice said it had something to do with not giving up any area to a Kathryn Moomoo Lady. The Etsy business was fierce.

I was digressing because I needed to get up. I needed to look at what I didn’t want to look at, and I needed to get ready for the wedding.

I couldn’t move.

I had a few years until I was forty, and this was the first time I’d ever taken this test.

I shouldn’t be nervous. I was.

I shouldn’t be excited. I was.

My heart was fluttering everywhere in my chest cavity.

My palms were sweaty.

I had to do some deep breathing exercises before I pushed myself from the floor.

One step.

I smoothed my hands down my pants.

Two steps.

I was there.

The bathroom wasn’t that big.

I was standing just over the counter, and—I just had to do it.

I looked.

The pregnancy test was right there, staring up at me. Positive.

Holy shit.

My legs almost gave out, and I grabbed for the counter.

I was pregnant. We were pregnant. I didn’t know how it happened. I mean, I knew how, but we’d taken measures so I wouldn’t get pregnant. We had many conversations and I’d been torn. Cut hadn’t. He wanted a child with me, but me—I didn’t want to bring someone into the world that would suffer how I did.

Did.

That was the operative word, because it was better. It had been better since Cut.

But then we got Benji. Then Amelia…and our own pregnancy talk got pushed aside.

But another Cut.

That’s where this test came about because the world needed another Cutler.

My throat was tightening up and I was crying. My lips were trembling.

I was full-out sobbing.

I was going to have a baby, one that came from my blood and Cut’s.

Fuck.

Wow.

Okay.

Fuck.

Wow.

Okay.

And repeat because… you guessed it. Fuoway. My new word.

Whoa.

A small knock before, “Shine?”

Shine.

If we had a little girl, her middle name was going to be Shine. If we had a boy, Cutler. I was making the decision now.