Once I'm outside and alone, I suck in a deep breath, trying to calm down. My heart hammers in my chest, and it doesn't help that Ryan looks sexy as sin. He’s wearing a navy button-up shirt, tucked into black slacks with a belt. As I eyed him up and down, undressing him, I remembered what it was like to be with him. I'd be fucking lying if I said I didn't still want him.
Leaning against the railing, I can hear off-key singing in the distance. As I look up at the night sky, I close my eyes and suck in a deep breath as I lose myself in my thoughts. Hearing my name being called pulls me back to the present.
At first, I think I’m imagining his deep baritone, but then glance over my shoulder and meet Ryan's eyes. He shuts the patio doors behind him and moves closer.
We stand inches apart in silence.
"Can we talk?" I hear the brokenness in his tone that Cami was referring to. “Please.”
"I have nothing to say to you," I admit, crossing my arms over my chest.
“That’s fine because I just need you to listen.” Ryan takes a step even closer. I shiver, realizing how cold it is out here. His warm hands touch my arms, and he briefly rubs his palms up and down.
“Just five minutes?” he asks.
There's no way I'll be able to deny him when he's right in front of me. Sucking in a deep breath, I nod. "Okay."
Ryan opens the doors and leads me inside. I follow him into his father’s study.
Wood is burning in the giant fireplace, and two loungers are positioned in front of it. Ryan takes my hand and leads me over, so I take a seat.
For a second, he paces and runs his fingers through his hair. He looks exhausted, like he hasn't been getting much sleep. Immediately, I begin to worry about him and how much he must be working and not sleeping. He finally sits down next to me, leaving hardly any space between us.
His mouth opens and falls as if he’s searching for his words before he finally exhales.
"I'm truly sorry, Kendall. Before I explain anything, I owe you an apology. I should've never ever said those things to Eli. It's inexcusable, and I didn't mean them. I panicked and wanted to change the subject, so I thought dismissing us and acting like I would’ve before you and I ever got together would get him to talk about something else. It wasn’t the place or time, and I already knew you weren’t happy with me by how awkward things were between us. Please believe me when I say I respect you way more than that, and I don’t think you’re a spoiled princess. Well, a princess maybe, but not a spoiled one." He grabs my hand and squeezes, but I remain silent as I take in his words.
"I never wanted to hurt you." He still has my hand in his, but I can't find the strength to pull away. “I never want to hurt you, period. Ever. I felt awful the moment I said those words and would do anything to take them back because they’re not true. I think you’re amazing.”
I nod, lowering my eyes. "Thank you for your apology. I appreciate that," I finally say. “For all of my life, people have assumed I'm nothing more than a pretty face with my family’s money. After showing you my true self and really getting to know each other, I expected more from you, so it really hurt to hear you say those things about me.”
"I completely understand. You had every right to be mad at me, but I just wanted to explain and apologize. I've been trying to reach you. I've left voicemails and texted you a dozen times. Thinking you probably hated me nearly has destroyed me these past few weeks," he admits.
I lick my lips, trying to find my confidence. "I blocked your number, Ryan. I didn’t want to hear from you,” I admit. “It was easier for me not to know when you were calling or to read your texts so I could get over you. My heart was breaking, but as much as it hurt, I wanted to move on."
He lowers his gaze and shakes his head. "I don't blame you. My heart’s been breaking the second you said goodbye the day I dropped you off."
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t know where we stood. Those two weeks at the cabin were the best of us, and I thought it was over now that we were home. Instead of just asking you, I froze. Like an idiot.” He chuckles.
“I did too,” I tell him honestly. “I wasn’t sure what to say or if you wanted to even have a discussion, so I just pretended it wasn’t an issue.” I shrug, feeling flushed and stupid now that I say it aloud to him. “I was nervous and lost the courage to tell you how I really felt.”