“I want to take care of you.”
“You want me wet and naked.”
“That too.”
I squeeze a few drops of her favorite oils into the tub and turn the taps. She stands there shifting from foot to foot. Uncertain and sweet. “Are you mad at me?” she asks in a low voice that I can barely hear over the rushing water.
She balls her hands into fists at her sides giving away her vulnerability. “No, baby doll. I love you too much.”
Her lower lip trembles. “I’m sorry.”
“I understand why. But, no more. I don’t want you struggling or worrying about anything alone ever again.”
“I love you so much. And I don’t want to… I don’t want you to be…”
“You matter the most to me.”
A brief, beautiful smile flickers over her lips and she tips her head toward the tub. “Will you be joining me?”
“Fuck yeah,” I answer, twisting the taps off. I sit on the edge of the tub and pull her between my knees, resting my forehead against her stomach. “How do you feel? Tell me everything.”
She runs her fingers through my hair. “Sick in the mornings. Well, all the time really.”
“How’d I miss that?” She always spends so much damn time getting ready in the morning. I never considered she might be locked in here because she was sick.
She shrugs. “What can you do? Hold my hair back for me?”
“Yes. If that’s what you need me to do.” I tease my fingers inside her underwear and drag them down her legs.
“I so appreciated you asking the doctor if sex was safe, by the way.”
I grin up at her. “That was vital information.”
Her shoulders bunch up and she lets out a short laugh. “I had already warned her that would be one of your questions.”
“Did you now?” I tickle my fingers over her ribs and she laughs even harder. As she pulls away, I hook my fingers in her bra, keeping her in place.
My hand roams over her ass and she slants a look at me over her shoulder. “Is it time for my spanking, Mr. President?”
Only one person—this woman—has the power to erase all of my irritation and anxiety. I give each cheek a soft tap before unhooking her bra.
“Bath time,” I say, taking her hand.
“There’s no graceful way to climb into this thing,” she mutters as I help her into the tub.
Shaking my head, I release her hand. “Good?”
“Perfect.” She tilts her head. “Aren’t you joining me?”
Instead of answering, I slowly work my belt loose, then strip off my shirt.
“Oh my,” she mutters, staring up at me. “I don’t need the slow, seductive routine, just get in here.”
“What fun is that?” But I do hurry up because I’m eager to be skin on skin with her.
Once I arrange myself in the tub, I pull her against my chest. “You’ve had me worried,” I mumble into her hair.
“I’m sorry.” She turns slightly. “I haven’t known that long. You know how bad I am at keeping track of things.”
I laugh because that’s a bit of an understatement.
“When do you want to tell people?”
“Maybe after the next appointment? I want us to get used to the idea first.”
I’m ready to take action now. Plan a nursery, paint it, build some furniture, take some classes. Do whatever the fuck it is parents do when they get this news.
“Might be hard to keep it from Heidi and Murphy since they’re right downstairs.”
She sighs and drops her head against my chest. “I know.”
“Think about it.”
She sniffles and I squeeze her tighter.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
After a few minutes, I rub my chin over her shoulder and kiss her neck. “Washing your hair?”
“Not now.” She lets out a long yawn. “I’m sleepy.”
“Doctor said you need your rest.”
“Yes, dear. I’m aware.”
“Can’t help it. Get used to it, baby doll.” My words are light and teasing even though my thoughts threaten to drag me down.
Guilt will gnaw on my flesh and bones until there’s nothing left if anything happens to her.
The water cools and eventually we drag ourselves out of the tub. Rock’s quiet as he dries us off and leads us into the bedroom.
The matter of fact way he throws the covers back and nods for me to get into bed makes me tingle all over.
“You’re not going to the shop?” I ask.
“Not today.” He cocks his head and nudges me over to my side. “Are you going to the office?”
“I guess not.”
He slides in next to me and I poke my toes against his leg. “I’m chilly.”
He pulls the covers up but keeps staring at me, running his hand over my stomach.
“A watched tummy doesn’t grow,” I tease.
He rumbles with laughter. “I can’t wait.”
“For?”
The smoldering stare he responds with is pure caveman. “To see your belly carrying our child.”
“Aww,” I coo and run my fingers through his hair, smiling up at him. I know how much he means those words and it’s why I’m able to admit how I feel about everything.
“That part freaks me out,” I whisper.
He raises an eyebrow and strokes his finger over my cheek. “Tell me why.”
“I’ve struggled with my weight forever.” I run my hands over the few stretch marks I’ve already collected along my hips. “I’m not looking forward to adding to these.”
The sexy, simmering stare turns into a scowl. “What did I say the day we met?”
“A lot of things. You were quite talkative for a guy who just posted bail.”
He lets out a brief chuckle before turning serious again. “You told me you wore your wedding rings on your middle finger because you’d lost weight and I said ‘don’t lose any more.’”
“Oh yeah.” I smile at the memory. “Pretty obnoxious considering the situation.”
Rock’s not offended or embarrassed. He grins. “My point is, gain whatever you need to. I’ll think you’re sexy as fuck no matter what and it’ll be my pleasure to help you work it off when you’re done nursing.”
“Wow, you have it all planned out, huh?” I tease.
“That’s what I’m here for.” He pulls me closer. “Come here and let me hold you.”
Warm and snuggly in Rock’s arms, I’m hovering on the edge of falling asleep when he rumbles out a question that snaps my eyes open.
“Answer one thing for me. What if it had been bad news? Would you have told me then?”
His gentle tone doesn’t disguise the anguish in his voice.
“Yes, of course.” I take a deep breath and place my free hand over his. Bringing up such a painful time in my past isn’t easy, but I so desperately want Rock to understand my reasoning. Understand he’s not the reason I kept our baby a secret. I am.
“When I… miscarried, it took me by surprise. I went from being upset about the unplanned pregnancy, to getting married, and excited for the baby. Clay and I had just started preparing for this huge change and then it was ripped away.”
I swallow hard, remembering the ectopic pregnancy that almost killed me a few years ago. “Then after losing our baby the way I did. Almost dying. I honestly thought this,” I stop and squeeze his hand that’s resting over my belly, “might never happen. I didn’t want to give you this possible future and then have it yanked away.”
He swallows hard. “I understand.”
“That first time, Clay and I had heard the baby’s heartbeat at my appointment the week before. Saw the little life flickering on the screen.” I have to stop to catch my breath. “We thought the baby was healthy. The miscarriage completely blindsided me. The silence after I lost the baby haunted me for so long. I wanted to spare you that if I could.”
His arms wrap around me tighter, anchoring me to his b
ody and he kisses the top of my head.
“I want to be with you for every appointment from now on.” His low voice leaves no room for disagreement on the subject. “I don’t want you doing any of this alone,” he says.
“Thank you.”
He closes his eyes, the line of his jaw tightens. “You don’t have to thank me, Hope. It’s the least of what I need to do for you.” When he opens his eyes there’s nothing but love in them. He gently sweeps my hair off my cheek. “I know how scared you probably are, even if you won’t admit it. I’d do it for you if I could. I want to do everything I can to make this easier on you.”
“Having you know is a huge help.” I exhale a long, slow breath. “Sharing it with you has already made me feel so much better.”
“Good.” He kisses my forehead. “Take your nap. When you wake up let’s try some of those positions in the pamphlet your doctor gave me.”
“I think that was for later, when this gets in the way.” I rub my hand over my belly and wiggle my eyebrows at him. “Right now every position is available.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Terror claws at my insides, pulling me out of sleep.
It takes me a few seconds to figure out why.
I’m going to be a father.
Not the father-figure to a bunch of child-like bikers.
An actual father.
I can’t believe it. Can’t believe how much I want it.
It’s all the other stuff leading up to our child’s arrival that woke me. I almost lost Hope once. How the fuck did we let this happen?
Next to me she moans in her sleep and wriggles closer. My arm automatically slips around her waist and I settle my hand on her stomach.
That’s how this happened. I can’t keep my hands off her.