Or it interferes with club business somehow.
“Yeah, why?”
He shakes his head and lets out a humorless laugh. “I guess she gave Sway an earful.”
Fan-fucking-tastic. That’s all I need. The president of our downstate charter up in my business. Just because he bankrolls Stella’s independent porn company doesn’t give him the right to know every intimate detail of my life. “Jesus, why? She seemed relieved.”
“Guess when she thought about it, she was pissed. Either way, it’s a good thing. She doesn’t want us doing security for her movie sets anymore.”
I burst out laughing. The one time Rock and I handled security for Stella’s set, he spent the day in a foul mood. I may or may not have aggravated the situation further by telling him I was considering co-starring in one of her films. “Well, shit. You’re welcome, Prez.”
“Don’t get too cocky. He says it’s gonna cost him and he’ll be looking to you to cover it.”
“Fuck that and fuck him. That’s bullshit.”
“That’s what I told him.” He cocks his head. “But with slightly more diplomacy.”
By diplomacy, I’m guessing he used one or two fewer fucks. “Sorry. I know things are already awkward and tense between you two. I didn’t mean to make it worse.”
He waves off the concern. “Not your fault. I think he’s still getting pressure from National. It’s making him lash out.”
“Jesus. I would not want to be on Priest’s radar.” Our national president isn’t someone you want checking up on you.
“Neither do I and Sway’s making that difficult too.”
“How so?”
“Who do you think Priest will tap if he decides it’s time for Sway to retire?”
“You?”
“And who do you think I’ll nominate?”
There’s no question. “Me. Fuck, Prez. I don’t want to run his charter. Except for Rooster and Steer, maybe a few others, I don’t like or trust his guys.”
“Neither do I. And I can’t send you down there alone, so that means I’ll have to run things up here with even fewer people.”
“Fucking hell.”
“Yup.” He slaps my shoulder. “Anyway, does that mean you and Lilly?”
“We’ll see. That’s what I was talking to Hope about. Making Lilly feel comfortable up here.”
“You think she has a problem with the club?”
“It’s the only thing I can come up with for why she didn’t tell me about Chance.”
He nods but doesn’t seem offended. “This life isn’t for everyone.”
“I know.”
“That might make your life difficult.”
“I’m aware. That’s why I was talking to Hope.”
“Good.”
“Actually,” I glance over at the clock, “I’m supposed to meet her in an hour.”
“Get going then.”
Lilly
Hope: Think we can get together this week sometime? Mara would love to see you too. Maybe the three of us can have a girls’ afternoon?
A mixture of guilt and relief swirls inside me after reading Hope’s text.
I’d like that.
“Is this your doing?” I ask as Z slides into the booth across from me.
I hand over my phone and he quickly scans the text.
“Not really.” He turns to Chance and raises his hand for a high-five. “Hey, buddy.”
“What does “not really” mean?”
“You two were friends long before me. She’s glad you’re back.”
“Hmm…” That answer makes me think he must’ve spoken to Hope since I left him fuming in the Crystal Ball parking lot. I drum my nails against the table and Z places his hand over mine.
“Were you waiting long? I had Murphy drop me off so I can drive back with you.”
“Nope. We only arrived a few minutes ago.”
“How was the hospital?”
“Same, minus the mistress. They’re probably letting him out Monday or Tuesday, though.”
“That’s good.”
“We’ll see.” The last thing I want to do is discuss my dismal afternoon. “How was the rest of your afternoon?”
“Fine.”
“Thee! Look!” Chance says, leaning over to tug at Z’s sleeve. He waves his placemat with the wildly colored-in picture of a clown on it and Z spends time praising Chance’s coloring. Once or twice he flicks his gaze my way and winks.
So sweet and charming. This big, scary biker who I knew was trouble the minute I saw him but still couldn’t resist.
Chance practically bounces out of his seat, pointing to the games. “Play, Mommy!”
“After dinner.”
He pouts but cheers up when Z starts coloring with him again.
Dinner consists of cardboard-tasting pizza and wilted salad. Not the kind of junk I usually feed Chance, but I figure it’s a special occasion.
“Are we good to go play now?” Z asks after he polishes off the last slice of pizza.
Chance nods at me eagerly. “Peeeease?”
“Go easy. You just ate.”
“Promise!”
“Are you coming?” Z asks, hanging on to a squirming-to-get-to-the-action Chance.
“No, you two go ahead. I’ll watch.” I need to start giving them time alone together and honestly, I hate these kinds of loud, noisy arcade games that I’m terrible at.
It’s almost closing when I find Z and Chance on one of the motorcycle racing games.
Naturally.
I can’t help stopping in my tracks to watch them together. Apparently, they found another father/son team to race against. The other boy is a little older than Chance, but they seem to get along. Z and the other father seem to be taking the competition more seriously.
“Mommy!” Chance calls when the game’s over. “Look! We won!” He bounces up and down next to Z and points to the screen.
“Good job.” I high-five him and say hello to the little boy Chance is talking to.
“What’s your name?”
“Jason.” He tips his head back and taps his dad’s leg. “My daddy.”
“Arthur,” he says, holding out his hand. His gaze roams over me in a way that makes my skin crawl and Z’s quick to slip his arm around my waist.
“Lilly. Looks like you guys had fun,” I say to the little boy.
“Yup!”
Chance yawns and Z picks him up.
“We should probably get going.”
“Here!” Chance says, waving his tickets in the air. “Jase, can have mine.”
“That’s very nice of you, Chance,” I say, handing the tickets to the little boy who jumps up and down.
“Great, more cheap trinkets,” the guy jokes. “Thanks, son.”
“That was very nice of you, Chance,” I say once we’re in the parking lot.
He gives me a shy smile. “I know.” His head swivels back toward the door. “Where’s my daddy?”
I almost choke and stumble. Z stops moving for a second and I wish I could melt into the pavement.
“We can talk about that later, Chance,” I finally say when I recover.
“Okay.”
Z’s surprisingly silent as he opens the the back door of my car. “Did you have fun?” he asks Chance quietly as he buckles him into his seat.
“Yes!”
He’s asleep before we even hit the highway.
I glance back. “Maybe taking him for rides in the car to get him to go to sleep when he was a baby was a bad idea.”
Z glances over. “Why?”
“I’m kidding. He used to have a hard time falling asleep, so I’d take him for a drive down to the ocean. When he gets his license, I don’t want him to fall asleep every time he gets in the car, you know?”
I’m joking, just talking to fill the silence, really, so I don’t notice Z’s hands tightening on the steering wheel until his low, angry voice asks, “Are we ever going to talk about what happened?”
I don’t have to ask. I know exactly what he’s referring to. I turn to stare out the window. “What can I say that’s going to make it better?”
“Nothing, but I’d still like to understand you more.”
“I’m a selfish bitch. Does that help?”
“I don’t believe that for a second.”
Somehow, I think he’s telling the truth. Which means eventually he’s going to figure out my truth.
And I’m not sure how I feel about that any more.
Eighteen
Lilly
My father’s been out of the hospital for a couple days now. And what a couple days it’s been. If it wasn’t for Z helping me with Chance, I probably would’ve lost my marbles by now.
“Where’s your son?” my mother asks. I’m fairly certain she hasn’t used his name once yet.
“With his father.”
“Oh.” She perks up. “I didn’t realize. Well, when do we meet him?”
Never.
Not because I’m embarrassed of Z. Because I don’t want to expose him to my family and their harsh judgment. Honestly, it will be too humiliating for him to see the way they treat me. And the way they treat Chance isn’t something he’ll tolerate quietly.