CHAPTER TEN
TOR HAD SPENT much of the evening lazily watching his wife across the depth of the terrace, drinking in her natural animation, the shine of her naturally blond curls below the lights, the deep ocean blueness of her eyes and the amazing curves hinted at even below that perfectly modest sundress. Where she was concerned, he was like a junkie in constant need of a fix, he reflected grimly, because that lack of control, that burning hunger that continually seethed in him, bothered him. Something about Pixie revved his libido to absurd heights and, always a fan of everything in moderation, he had already tried and failed abysmally to switch off that reaction or at the very least turn it down to a more acceptable level.
And what did she want to talk about? He could think of nothing amiss and that put him on edge as well because he didn’t like surprises. In his past experience a surprise had rarely led to anything good and yet Pixie regularly surprised him in the most positive of ways. She was a terrific mother to his son, protective without overdoing it, loving and caring and willing to share Alfie. She was unsophisticated, naïve, utterly ignorant of the exclusive world he inhabited and yet she moved through that same world with disconcerting grace and assurance, relying on ordinary courtesy to smooth her path. When he least expected it, she impressed him, and she had done it over and over again.
On board the yacht again, Pixie walked ahead of him up to their master cabin, where most of their luggage had already been packed ready for their departure back to London. First thing in the morning they were being picked up by a helicopter, which would deliver them straight to the airport.
‘We can talk when we get back to London,’ she suggested rather abruptly, apprehensive about the confrontation that she knew awaited her. It cut her to the heart that Tor had not chosen to confide in her about the truth that he had not been Sofia’s father. That revelation on top of Katerina’s infidelity must have devastated him. Yet Pixie had believed that she and Tor were getting really close, but how could she go on believing that comforting conviction when he continued to hide such a dreadful secret from her? His silence on that score hurt her a great deal, showing a dangerous fault line in their relationship, making her feel more insecure than ever about how he still viewed Katerina.
Tor was frowning now, his lean, strong features taut and a little forbidding. ‘No, say whatever you have to say now.’
‘I’ll just spit it out, then,’ Pixie murmured reluctantly. ‘I found out some pretty shocking things listening to Dimitra this evening.’
‘But you said—’
‘I couldn’t explain unless we had privacy,’ Pixie interposed wryly. ‘For a start, Katerina’s parents are fully aware that their daughter was having an affair and was in the process of leaving you when she died. They tried to stop the affair, but she wouldn’t listen to them.’
Tor was stunned.
‘I can’t credit that...are you sure?’
‘Unequivocally. Dimitra actually said that pretending everything was fine in your marriage put more of a strain on them because they felt as though they were being forced to lie. But at the same time, she acknowledged that it was your right to maintain that pretence if that’s what you preferred. She didn’t have any axe to grind. I appreciate that you believed you were protecting them from distress by not telling them the truth but, really, I think it would have been easier all round if you’d just spoken up at the time,’ she confided gently.
‘You know nothing about it. I told you about the situation with Sev though,’ Tor bit out angrily, taking her aback because that anger seemed to come out of nowhere at her.
‘According to your ex-mother-in-law, Sev wasn’t Katerina’s lover,’ Pixie stated even more uneasily. ‘It wasn’t him, it was his brother, Devon.’
Tor stared back at her, his eyes dark with seething incredulity. ‘That’s not possible. Dimitra must have misunderstood.’
‘I don’t think so. They knew about the affair before you did and presumably, if they tried to stop it, they did discuss the man involved with their daughter,’ Pixie pointed out quietly. ‘Look, I know you hate all this being raked up again and I appreciate how difficult all of this is for you, Tor—’
‘How the hell could you?’ Tor demanded with ferocious bite. ‘You’re standing there giving forth about issues that are nothing to do with you and naturally I resent that.’
‘I resent being plunged into the middle of your secret, sordid past when I didn’t want to be involved in any way!’ Pixie fired back at him, embarrassment and pain at his attitude combining to send her temper over the edge as well. ‘As far as I’m concerned, I feel like Katerina might as well still be alive because you still think of her as your wife and protect her good name so carefully. Well, what about me? Where do I come in? I’ve only been married to you for a month and already I feel like I’m living in her shadow!’
‘Thee mou...that’s rubbish!’ Tor blistered back at her, bronzed eyes shot through with smouldering lights of gold disbelief at that charge.
Pixie raised a doubting brow. ‘Is it? Why are you still so guilty about her death that you took all the blame for it on your own shoulders? Were you a rotten husband? Were you unfaithful as well? And why didn’t you tell me that Alfie was your first child? I feel that that’s something that I should have known. Maybe because it’s the only thing out of all of this mess that relates to me personally. But you should’ve told me that Sofia wasn’t your daughter by blood. I understand and fully accept that you loved her and that you probably didn’t discover that truth until Katerina was leaving you, but I do believe that you could have shared that with me.’
Tor had frozen where he stood, shaken at that hail of spontaneously emotional censure emerging from mild-tempered Pixie. ‘I wasn’t a rotten husband and I wasn’t unfaithful. As to why I didn’t tell you about Sofia’s paternity...?’ He spread lean brown hands. ‘I can’t really answer that. Maybe because it was the last straw, the ultimate humiliation for a man to learn that the child he has been raising and loving is not his. Maybe I was still in denial because, yes, I did love that little girl a great deal. But I still don’t see how Sofia’s paternity has anything at all to do with you or Alfie.’
‘Well, that news doesn’t surprise me,’ Pixie retorted tight-lipped in her distress, furiously swallowing back the thickness in her throat and the warning sting at the backs of her eyes. ‘All along you haven’t once understood how I feel about anything because you don’t really care about me. So, let’s leave it there for tonight, Tor. I’m exhausted and I’m going to bed.’
‘That’s not true,’ Tor declared as she snatched up her toiletries bag and cosmetics from the en suite and walked to the door. ‘Where are you going?’
‘I don’t want to share a bed with you tonight. I don’t want to be anywhere near you,’ Pixie countered stiffly, determined not to reveal her distress in front of him. ‘I’ll sleep in one of the other cabins.’
‘That’s ridiculous... I don’t want that. You’re blowing this nonsense up out of all proportion,’ Tor proclaimed rawly.
But Pixie didn’t believe that. She was horribly upset, all her feelings flailing with pain inside her and he was the blind focus of them. And she didn’t even know exactly what she wanted from him, only that she wasn’t receiving it. Was she blaming him for not loving her as he had loved Katerina? She stopped dead in the empty cabin next door, stricken by that suspicion because that would be absolutely unfair to Tor. And she thought of what she had thrown at him without warning and almost cringed where she stood. When had she ever acted with so little compassion before? Where had her sympathy, her understanding gone?
Dear heaven, she had thrown in his teeth the reality that his poor little daughter had not been fathered by him. Had he even known that fact before she’d hurled it at him? Or had he only suspected that he might not be Sofia’s father and had she confirmed his misgivings with her attack? Her stomach tightened and swirled with nausea at that possib
ility. She was horrified. Kicking off the high heels now pinching her toes, she trekked back barefoot to the master cabin.
A dim light glowed on the deck terrace beyond the French windows.
Through them she could see Tor leaning up against the rail, luxuriant black cropped hair ruffling in the breeze, his jacket discarded, the fine fabric of his shirt rippling against his lean, powerful torso, and her mouth ran dry the way it always did when the sheer beauty of him punched her afresh. Lifting her chin and suppressing that reaction, Pixie went outside to join him.
‘Were you already aware that Sofia wasn’t yours?’ she pressed bluntly, her troubled face pale and tight in the low light.
Tor gritted his teeth. ‘Yes... Yes, I knew. When I tried to prevent her mother from removing her from the house that night she told me then that Sofia wasn’t my daughter. At first I didn’t believe her because she was hysterical. But afterwards...’ He breathed with difficulty. ‘I had the tests done because I had to know the truth and it was confirmed.’
‘I’m still really sorry I hurled it at you like that though,’ Pixie muttered shakily. ‘I also think that that little girl was very fortunate to have your love and care while she was alive. Like you, she didn’t know the truth, but you loved each other anyway. You were still her father, Tor, in every way that mattered.’
Tor drained the tumbler in his clenched hand, whiskey burning down into the chill inside him because he was still in shock from their exchange. ‘That’s a really kind thing for you to say in these circumstances. But I’m sorry that you were inadvertently dragged into my secret, sordid past tonight. Just go to bed now, Pixie. I’ve got nothing else to say to you right now...’