A Baby on the Greek's Doorstep

And that was true. The tormenting belief that he could have wrongly believed his half-brother, Sevastiano, had betrayed him for so many years sickened Tor. In retrospect it struck him as unbelievable that he had chosen not to confront Sev. Did he blame his pride for that silence? His desire to let sleeping dogs lie for the sake of family unity?

Yet the instant Pixie had named Devon, pieces that had never made sense to Tor had locked together neatly to provide a much clearer picture of that secret affair. And suddenly, for the first time, it had all made sense.

Devon was Sev’s English half-brother and he would already have been a married man when Katerina had first met him. No doubt that was why she had gone ahead and married Tor, because she had been unable to foresee and trust in a future with a lover who already had a wife and children. Easier access to Devon would explain why she had been so keen to live in London as well.

And Sevastiano?

Tor swore under his breath, recognising that his older brother would have been placed in an impossible situation, stuck in the middle between two half-brothers: one who had never really made an effort with him—Stand up, Tor, and own your mistakes, he urged himself—the other whom presumably he’d had a warmer relationship with because he had grown up with Devon.

How could Sevastiano possibly have chosen loyalties between them?

* * *

Dismissed, and feeling like a sleepwalker, Pixie went back next door, undressing where she stood, deciding that, yes, she could go to bed with make-up on because she didn’t care, she really didn’t care just at that moment. Her eyes were prickling and throbbing, the tears she had been holding back burning through her defences and finally overflowing, a painful sob tearing at her throat. He had thrown her own unjust words back at her...his ‘secret sordid past’. And she should never have said such words to him when the sordid aspect had related to his wife’s behaviour and had had nothing at all to do with his.

Why had she done it? Why had she dragged up all that messy stuff from the past and thrown it at him as though he were the worst husband in the world? And the easy answer twisted inside her like a knife and made her groan out loud because there was nothing very adult or admirable about her envy of Katerina, her possessive vibes about her son’s status or her embittered attitude to Tor’s grief over the death of his first wife.

In reality, she was a nasty jealous cow and now he knew it too. She had unveiled herself in all her immature, selfish glory for his benefit, all because she had admitted she loved him and he had ignored that confession. That disappointment had wounded her and put her in the wrong state of mind, releasing turbulent emotions that had quickly got out of her control. She had said things she didn’t believe, demanded truths she wasn’t entitled to receive and roused memories of a tragedy she truly hadn’t wanted to bring alive for him again. And she had told him that she loved him and then acted in a very unloving way. Her eyes burned and ached as she recalled his tense chilliness towards her out on the terrace. Well, what had she expected from him? Bouquets and praise?

* * *

Tor stayed up thinking for most of the night and when dawn lightened the skies, he felt amazingly light as well. It had been so many years since he had felt like that that it was almost like being reborn. Reborn? Tor winced at that fanciful concept, but he was still smiling, still wondering how he had got everything so wrong for so very long and if it was even possible that he could have set a new record for sheer stupidity.

Pixie rose heavy-eyed in spite of the exhaustion that had finally sent her to sleep and grimaced at the tackiness of waking up without having removed her make-up. It sucked to have mascara ringing her eyes and smears of make-up on her pillow and she fully understood too late why she shouldn’t have done it in the first place. She was in a funereal mood, eyes swollen and red behind strategically worn sunglasses, mouth tight, a wintry outfit chosen to suit her mood.

Tor surveyed her approach for an early breakfast, noting the jeans and the black sweater and how much they enhanced her petite yet curvy figure that drove him crazy with desire. Then there was the glorious glitter of her silky curls in sunlight and the sweet delicate lines of her troubled face. An uphill climb then, he recognised grimly, exactly what he deserved because he had done everything wrong, got everything wrong, merited nothing better.

In comparison to both parents, Alfie was brimming with energy and love. He bounced in his high chair with a huge smile at them both, held out his arms pleadingly to his mother, who for the very first time failed to notice his need, and succumbed to his father instead, who not only noticed but also swept him up and made him giggle and smile and gave him kisses.

‘He needs to eat, Tor,’ Pixie breathed curtly.

‘He wanted a cuddle,’ Tor breathed with perfect assurance. ‘He’s a very affectionate child. Sofia was much more reserved in nature.’

Disconcerted by that reference, Pixie lifted her head. ‘She was?’

‘Yes. Katerina kept us apart. I thought she was a possessive mother. Even when she kept me out of the delivery room when she was born I assumed the wrong things,’ he told her, taking her utterly aback with those revelations. ‘I didn’t smell a rat.’

‘A rat?’ she echoed, nonplussed.

‘I wasn’t a suspicious husband,’ he clarified wryly. ‘But right from the beginning, she tried to keep me apart from Sofia. She knew she wasn’t mine and she felt guilty.’

‘Oh...’ Pixie replied, her confusion only deepening at what could be driving his desire to be disclosing such facts when he had never been that confiding in relation to Katerina before.

‘I didn’t see it at the time. I didn’t even see it afterwards,’ Tor admitted starkly. ‘I wasn’t very good at seeing that sort of thing...in advance, as it were...or even in retrospect.’

‘No, you’re not very switched on that way...empathy-wise,’ Pixie extended awkwardly. ‘You’re obviously very efficient in the business line, but in personal relationships you kind of lose the plot a little.’

‘Or maybe don’t even see the plot to begin with,’ Tor added.

Pixie steeled herself to say what she still felt she had to say. ‘I wasn’t fair to you last night.’

‘No, you got it right,

’ Tor broke in grimly. ‘I got it wrong.’

That silenced Pixie, who had been trying to make amends without embarrassing herself. She didn’t understand. She didn’t want to get it wrong again either, though, and it was the fear of doing that that kept her quiet throughout their trip to the airport and their subsequent flight back to London.

‘I want you to think about whether this house is right for us,’ Tor remarked as the limo drew up outside the town house. ‘I didn’t buy it as a family house.’

‘It’s a blasted amazing house,’ Pixie told him sniffily, because it was enormous and fancy and everything she believed suited him to perfection. ‘It’s even got a garden out back. What are you talking about?’

Tor mustered his poise and a decided amount of valour and breathed in deep and slow to say, ‘Some day we may think of extending the family.’

Pixie sent him a wide blue-eyed glance of naked disbelief. ‘Oh, you can forget that,’ she said helplessly. ‘Seriously, just forget that idea!’

Another baby? Was he kidding? Whatever, his expectations were seriously out of line with her own. She would be perfectly happy just to settle for Alfie...and...er...what? she asked herself. And she couldn’t come up with a single goal because, in truth, without the love she craved, Tor had nothing to offer her. She was an unreasonable woman, she told herself squarely. He was gorgeous, amazing in bed and he did all the right things as if they had been programmed into him at birth. Seriously, he was the sort of guy who would never ever forget your birthday. It wasn’t love but it was the best he could offer.

So, who was she to say it wasn’t enough? Who was she in her belief that she ought to have more than the basics? This was a guy who had told her from the start that he didn’t think he could fall in love again...that he could give her everything else but that.

Tor had been honest.

She had been dishonest, accepting him on those terms while secretly yearning for exactly what he had told her that he couldn’t deliver. Appreciating that, she swallowed hard and struggled to suppress all the powerful hurt reactions that were making it virtually impossible for her to behave normally again with Tor. She had to stop acting that way, concentrate on the future he was holding out to her, not dwell on the downside, because everything had a downside to some extent. And that future Tor was suggesting included a larger family, which was something she would eventually want too, so why had she snapped at him when he admitted it?