Come Alive (The Cityscape 2)

But didn’t I? I wanted a place to call home, somewhere that was mine, where I felt safe enough to let go of the past. To stop worrying about how things could disappear or break or end without warning. What he had described sounded like a place to be where I was. In the present. It sounded like a home – a warm, loving home with a steadfast husband and not only a child, but children. Plural.

“All right,” he said, and I lifted my eyes back to his. He made a show of getting out of his chair. “One glass of champagne to celebrate, but then I really do need to get back to work.”

~

After Bill had gone to bed, I stayed up at the kitchen table, staring into the abyss. I envisioned over and over again the life he had described. Someone else’s life. Dread surfaced in the form of chills over my skin. I had promised those things to Bill in front of everyone we loved years ago. I never knew if I wanted them, but I had promised them forever with two words: I do.

What scared me most was that I might give him those things because I was supposed to. And had David never come along, I might not have questioned the path I was on.

Because now, something else was developing inside of me. Maybe there was another way to love. A selfless, open way, where you took the good with the bad and the ugly with the beautiful. A way where, in order to experience bliss, you had to risk pain – you had to risk everything.

I can’t think of this now, I decided. Tomorrow, with fresh eyes, things will be better. I rose from the table and went to bed.

~

As Bill and I waited for our realtor’s call, things became increasingly stressful. The harder I tried to forget David in that house, the clearer I saw him. Each night after Bill had fallen asleep, I found myself somewhere in the house, staring straight ahead.

In our bathroom, I had sat against the tub, tormenting myself with the meaningless details of my new life. Like what time I would wake up to catch the train to work. And was there a coffee shop on the way? Would being a mom mean that I’d have to cut my hair shorter? I wondered how to change a diaper, what types of friends I would have in the suburbs, whether or not there was an animal shelter nearby.

A different night, on the couch with the TV muted, I worried about the bigger things. I wondered if Bill expected me to quit my job, and how had we never discussed that? Or how often Gretchen and Lucy would make the trip to see us, or at what point we should start saving for a college fund . . . or this, or that.

And David. David. David. There was no night to think of him, because he was always there, telling me there were other options when I just didn’t want to admit that there could be.

CHAPTER 10

HE WAS A BLUE-EYED, blond-haired prince in the lobby of Chicago Metropolitan Magazine. A mischievous smile kinked one corner of his mouth, complementing the gleam in his eye. My mouth, on the other hand, hung open as I blinked in disbelief.

“Olivia Germaine,” he crooned.

I shook my head as a smile forced its way onto my face. “Greg?”

“The one and only.”

Before me stood the Greg, my ex-best friend and legendary breaker of Gretchen’s heart. I took a tentative step forward, and his arms opened for me. My mouth was still agape when we hugged. “What are you doing here?” I asked.

He pulled me back by my shoulders and held me at arm’s length. “It’s so good to see you. You look fantastic, even better than I remember. A little thin, but – ”

“Greg.”

He slid his hands down my biceps. His eyes, though equally as captivating, were not the same blue as Gretchen’s. They were carefree pools, colored like the sky. “A position with my company opened up here, and I jumped at the chance. I got here a few months ago.”

“Shit,” I muttered, rubbing my forehead. “Gretchen is going to flip.”

“She already knows.”

“What?” I screeched, and he stepped back. “She knows? She hasn’t said anything to me.”

He nodded once. “She doesn’t know I came to see you.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’ve started things up again – ”

I sucked in a sharp breath and grimaced. “Oh my God.”

“I missed you guys like crazy, Liv. Gretchen – I was stupid to give her up. I want to make things right. I came to Chicago for her.”

I shook my head rapidly. “Why didn’t she tell me?”

“She doesn’t think we’re ready. But I just couldn’t wait to see you and Lucy.”

“A few months, you said?”

“Yes.”

“Well that explains why she was dateless to Lucy’s wedding.”

He nodded. “We fought over that. I wanted to be there, but she refused. She’s worried I won’t stick around.”

“Oh, Greg,” I said, steepling my hands over my mouth. “Please be careful. If you hurt her again . . .”

“Was it bad?”

“Awful. I don’t think she could take it.”

“I can tell. She’s different – harder or something. But I’m not going anywhere this time. I still love her.”

“You do?” I asked, dropping a palm to my heart.

“I do. And you guys, too.” He reached out and touched my cheek. “I’m sorry I left. I never should have. I miss all those late nights in the dining hall, goofing off when we were supposed to be studying for Bio.”

“I missed you too, but Greg?”

He dropped his arm. “Yeah.”

“What makes this time different?”

“I realize now what we had. Not just me and Gretchen, but all of us. Friendship, love. It’s important. I gave it all up for my career.”

“For your career?”

“Yes, Liv. For the job in Japan.”

“Is that really why? I always thought you left for other reasons. Because you were scared.”