Come Alive (The Cityscape 2)

“Flirt,” I accused.

“You know I don’t give a fuck about them,” he replied without missing a beat, his voice low with bass.

I bit the inside of my lip. “I thought you were leaving.”

“Not while Steve is around.”

There was a thundering knock on the door behind us. Another group flew by me when David let them in, and Gretchen grabbed my hand. “This is bananas,” she said. My eyes scanned the expansive suite quickly as I let her drag me onto the roof. Outside, an elongated swimming pool ran the length of the deck, glowing turquoise on the otherwise dark roof. Glass partitions edged the perimeter, allowing for an unobstructed panoramic view.

“Look,” someone called, “you can swim out over the city!”

Gretchen dropped my hand and rushed off, giving me a chance to admire my surroundings. What I’d seen with David on our previous trip to the roof was nothing compared to now. The pool jutted off the side of the building, hovering over the world below. As if you were floating. The opposite end of the pool showcased the first floor of the suite.

“Beer?” David asked from next to me.

“Where’d you get that?”

He leaned in. “My secret.” He twisted off the cap and handed it to me before taking a swig from his own bottle. “Cheers.”

“Thanks,” I said hesitantly, trying to read his fluctuating mood.

We slowly followed the edge of the pool toward the group, as if we didn’t actually want to get there. He looked into his beer bottle. “My family . . . They really liked you. Jessa too. She says you have an amazing energy or something.”

“I liked her also. A lot. Too much.”

“And that means . . . ?”

I cleared some hair from my shoulder. One of the girls squealed ahead of us. “Just that I had a strange urge to tell her all my secrets.”

“Secrets, huh?”

I nodded fractionally.

“That girl has a way of getting people to open up.”

“Must run in the family.” I cursed silently, knowing the comment hedged dangerous territory.

He didn’t respond right away, but eventually asked, “Do you feel like I’ve opened you up?”

“Ah, well . . . Maybe a little,” I said, embarrassed.

“I only wish it were more,” he said casually. Even in the dark I could feel him peering down at me, trying to see me clearer, the way he sometimes did.

Without even looking at him, I said, “That’s the problem.”

“What?”

“The way you look at me. The way I look at you. It gives too much away. That’s what your sister told me. For Christ’s sake,” I said, turning to face him. “She thought we were dating.”

“So I can’t look at you anymore?”

“Just don’t like at me like that.”

“Like what exactly?”

“She said . . .” I paused, not sure I should proceed. “She said she’d never seen you look at anyone the way you look at me.”

He took an audible breath but didn’t respond. We stood back from the crowd, watching them in silence.

“Are you really going to stop seeing Dani?”

He tilted his eyes upward to the sky and groaned. “I shouldn’t have said anything. But yes.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I do want you to be happy, I just . . .” I bit my lip to keep the words from coming out. “You know.”

“No, I don’t know,” he clipped. “I didn’t do it for you anyway.”

“I know.”

“This is too much, Olivia, you know that?”

“What is?” I asked, taken aback.

He shoved a hand through his hair. “Nothing. Just never mind.” With one last look, he turned and walked away.

I fought with myself, angry that I was doing this to him, to all of us. I wanted to go after him and make things better, but his departure had an air of finality. Instead, I took the last few steps to where everyone else had congregated. Steve smiled shyly at me and commented on how inspiring the skyline could be. I looked across the roof at David’s shadowy figure. He faced Lake Michigan while taking a long pull from his beer bottle.

“Is that your boyfriend?”

I looked back at Steve. “No, just an overprotective friend.”

“Oh,” he exhaled, looking relieved. “I’m glad. I know this is forward, but I was hoping you might like to go out sometime.”

“I’m married, Steve.”

“Oh, geez. Sorry, I didn’t realize.”

“It’s all right. My husband isn’t here tonight,” I said with a friendly smile. “Anyway, where did you say you work?”

He stepped backward. “Actually, I think I might go get a refill.”

“There might be drinks up here,” I said, showing him my beer.

“Er, I . . .” His sentence trailed off as he mumbled something and then fled.

“Oh, okay. Goodnight!” I called after him. I laughed at the unfailing powers of a wedding ring. Well, almost, I thought, and my laugh vanished.

I peered down at my hand, wondering pointlessly how things might be different if the ring weren’t there. I slipped it off and studied my hand without it, expecting to feel different somehow.

“Where’d Steve go?” Gretchen demanded, and I furtively slipped the ring back into place.

“He left.” I frowned. “Who cares though? The question is, where’s Greg?”

“That is a good question, smarty-pants. I should go find him,” she slurred, pulling out her cell phone. “Yeah, he texted me like five times.” She held the phone up inches from my face. “See?” I nodded, and she poked the girl next to her. “I’ve seen enough, let’s go get another drink.”

“And look for Greg,” I reminded her.

“Yep. Let’s go.”

The girl announced that they were leaving. Gretchen gestured for me to follow, and I glanced back at David. The group retreated as a unit with Gretchen leading the way.

“Come on, Liv,” she called over her shoulder. “It’s time to go.”

“Time to go,” I repeated quietly to myself. Go, Olivia . . . . Go.

CHAPTER 14

THERE WAS A PART OF ME that wished David would tell me he was done and put an end to this. Then I wouldn’t have to ride this rollercoaster of emotions every day. Despite what he might have thought, none of it was a game to me. I felt overwhelming guilt that I was hurting both Bill and David. That I was standing in the way of both their versions of home.

Why did I keep returning to this ridiculous concept of home? Is it not enough to have love and be happy? At thirteen years old, my home had broken in half in one fell swoop, and I’d never found that sense of belonging, that sense of security again. What was it about David that had me longing for that?

Bill was the only future I had ever known. He was supposed to be my rock, my love, my life. I wondered if knowing he was supposed to be all those things was still enough. Would I have eventually realized my doubts even if David hadn’t come along?

Do I have doubts?

I blinked from my daze to find I was glued to the same spot. The voices in the penthouse suite faded away. I looked across the roof at David’s almost invisible silhouette. The ache to be next to him was deep. To feel his hardness through the softness of his cashmere sweater, to rescue him from disappearing into the black horizon.

I clenched my hand around the beer bottle, fighting against what threatened to devour me. Did I even have a choice? It felt so much bigger than me, this thing. I wanted to bask in his warmth, feel his mouth on my neck; I wanted to see him gaze at me again like I was the only girl he couldn’t resist. Because he was that person for me. Of all the men I’d dated, and, ashamedly, that included Bill, David was the one who I felt in my core, as though I only existed as an extension of him. I wanted to fall just so he could catch me.

I set my beer down and walked to the edge purposefully. With each click of my heel, my mind chanted mistake, mistake, mistake, but my heart

. . . .

He stood unresponsive with his back to me and his hands in his pockets. I stopped and took a deep breath before slipping my arms around his stomach. My cheek pressed against his back.

He inhaled sharply, but after a second, said, “Don’t.”

“I can’t not,” I whispered back.