Come Alive (The Cityscape 2)

CHAPTER 19

I NEARLY COLLIDED WITH BILL in the foyer. “I was just coming to look for you,” he said.

I fought for a deep breath, suffocating in his proximity. “I – I just have to run to the bathroom,” I said, backing away.

“Didn’t you already go?”

“There was a line.”

“What are you talking about? I was just over there. No line.”

I could feel David, sticky against my thigh, fingers digging into my face, and I needed to get far away from Bill. My heart stopped when I noticed he was peering at my dress. He reached out, but I jumped back.

“Is that blood?” he asked.

“No,” I hissed as I blew past him toward the staircase. I cursed as I hastened up it to find somewhere private. As soon as I locked the bathroom door, there was a knock and the knob jiggled. “Hey? Did you hurt yourself?”

I went to whip the door open, but stopped myself. I loosened my shoulders and eased it ajar. “I’m fine,” I said calmly.

“You don’t seem fine.”

“Well, I am. I don’t know what that is,” I said, motioning at the stain, “but I’ll be sure to complain about it when I return the dress.”

His expression was accusing and taunting, except that it wasn’t. He really only looked confused.

“What?” I asked defensively. “Why are looking at me like that?”

“You’re acting weird,” he said.

“I just need to use the restroom.”

“You’re turning on me again.”

“Can this wait until we get home?” I asked. With a look that told him the discussion was over, I closed the door.

Once alone, I gathered up the dress and splashed water on my naked lower half. With a decorative, perfumed hand towel, I tenderly wiped myself of cum and the blood from David’s hand. I was soiled. Used. Degraded.

With shaky hands, I repaired my hair. Red scratches smarted from the bark and soreness crept into my spine. I gave myself one moment to crouch down and put my head in my hands. I breathed through the urge to break down there on the bathroom floor. Oh, David. How could you? How could I? What the fuck am I doing? I’ve completely lost control.

Downstairs, I weaved through the ballroom and spotted Bill seated at our table. “I’m sorry,” I told him. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you.” And I was sorry. Terribly, terribly sorry; so sorry, that I was tempted to tell him everything right then and there. The lies were rotting my insides, and they might very will end up poisoning me.

He took my hand, and I sat down next to him. “I thought things would improve after talking to Mack,” he said.

I plucked my hand from his and crossed my arms. He sat back in his chair, waiting for an answer. “Well, that’s because there’s something else going on.”

He looked uncomfortable. “Um, what?”

“It’s – I’ve been . . .” I looked around, unable to believe that this was tumbling out of my mouth now, here, in the middle of a fundraiser. “I’ve been having doubts. The house, for instance. In Oak Park. All those things you described – birthdays, holidays, kids in the yard – I just can’t see it like you can, and that scares me. I think about it – a lot, and it gets in my head.”

His eyebrows folded. “I’ve told you before, once everything starts to happen, it will all fall into place. You have to trust me, babe.”

“No,” I said, wringing my fingers in my lap. “I really don’t see it. Especially the kids. I don’t know if that’s – that’s what I want.”

A shriek of laughter across the room caused us both to flinch. Bill’s eyes drilled into me, searching for something. “How can you even say that to me? And here . . . ?”

“I’m sorry,” I said again.

He set his elbows on the table and put his face in his hands for a long moment. When he looked up, he seemed calm. “This is why people fall in love and get married. To have a family. That shouldn’t be news to you. I’m not giving up on my dream because you don’t feel like it. You’ve gotta get on board. And I don’t want any more sulking, k? It’s enough, for Christ’s sake.”

“I’m not sulking. I’m really confused.”

“That’s enough. You had better snap out of this, and soon or – or I’m gone.”

“You’d leave me here?” I asked, taken aback.

“I mean I’m done,” he snapped.

A woman took the stage. The sound of her finger tapping the microphone scraped over me.

“You’re done?” I repeated. “With me?”

“Sorry to interrupt your meals everyone, I just have a quick announcement.”

“You’re being unfair, and – ”

“Earlier this evening we received a very generous donation . . . ”

“ . . . quite frankly, really selfish. You’re not acting like the woman I married, and you haven’t been for a while.”

“. . . fifty thousand dollars . . . ”

I gasped. Fifty . . . thousand? Done? Leaving?

“ . . . an anonymous attendee.”

The room erupted into applause, but I sat gaping as Bill plastered a smile on his face and stood. He was threatening to leave me?

I knew without looking of David’s position in the room; I couldn’t help that. It was as if I had a sixth sense that felt only him. I turned to him without thinking. He sat rigidly still and motionless as he watched the stage. He was the donor.

My gaze returned to Bill as the ovation concluded. “What are you saying?” I asked under my breath.

“Never mind.”

“No,” I prompted quietly. “Are you threatening to leave me?”

“No, I just – ”

“It sure sounded like – ”