“No,” I stated, raising my eyes to hers.
She blinked at me. “There’s more?”
“This morning, I told him.”
“Told who?” she asked eagerly. “Told who what?”
“Bill.”
She gasped and covered her mouth. “Holy shit,” she muffled.
“He knows.”
“How did he react?”
“He wanted details.”
“Did you tell him it was David?”
“No. I don’t know how much I should tell him.”
“Everything. Wouldn’t you want to know?”
“I guess. I don’t know. Maybe not.” I shuddered, and she took my hand.
“He won’t leave you. It’s not like him. Don’t worry. It will be hard, but you guys will make it through this.”
“I hurt him so much. But it was as if I couldn’t help myself. David has this incredible power over me. When I’m with him, nothing else matters. And I just forget him? Yes, I hurt Bill, but that is not what’s breaking me.”
“Shit,” she said, massaging between her brows. “It’s not Bill you’re upset over.”
I shook my head hard. “I really am so distraught over what I did. Of course I feel awful. You have to believe me. But losing David feels . . . physical. It’s like somebody is squeezing my insides.”
“This is bad,” she whispered. “Are you thinking about leaving Bill for David?”
My chin quivered.
“Honey, if you need to cry – ”
“David and I had a fight,” I interrupted. “He did something . . . vile.”
“More vile than the ball?”
I nodded and took a deep breath. “He bought the Oak Park house.”
Her head tilted to the side, and I waited until understanding dawned on her face. “The house you and Bill tried to buy? David bought it?”
I confirmed with a short nod.
“Why would he do that?”
“I don’t know. It was a good deal, he told me himself. I guess he intends to flip it for a profit.”
“That can’t be all.”
“I agree. There has to be something else going on. A sick fascination with slowly picking my marriage apart, I don’t know.”
“Wow. Well what did he say was the reason?”
“I ran away before he could explain. I was shocked. And heart – ” my voice hitched, and I paused for a breath, “heartbroken.”
“Oh, honey. I am so sorry.”
“You told me so, right?”
She just shook her head. “I had no idea. I believe you if you say it’s more than just sex.”
“It was,” I whispered. “I shared things with him I’ve never even told Bill.” Shame, regret, sadness washed over me when I said, “I opened up to him.”
Her mouth parted. “You’re kidding.”
“Things with him are . . . different.”
“That’s shocking. And exciting. I’ve never heard you talk like this about Bill.”
“Bill has still never asked me about my scar. He doesn’t know about the hospital or what my mom did.”
“You’d think as a lawyer he would pay more attention to the details,” she said with a small smile.
“He knows it’s there. It’s small, but it’s not invisible. He just doesn’t know how to talk about it. It means opening up a whole Pandora’s box of complicated things.”
“But that’s what you do in a marriage. You let him help.”
“I don’t know that deep down he really wants to help.” I sighed and looked away. “The way he grew up, they didn’t talk about feelings. He’s used to trivializing them away. But it’s all coming out now.”
“He’s really gotten to you, hasn’t he? David?” she asked after some time.
“You have no idea.”
“What happens now? Do you need a place to stay?”
“I don’t know. We have a lot more to talk about when I get home. Thank you for listening, it’s a huge load off my shoulders.”
“I can’t believe you’ve been going through all this by yourself. It means a lot that you told me.”
“I know,” I said with a smile that could only be described as weak.
“Now that it’s over with David, does this mean you’re going to turn into a mega-bitch again?”
My laugh ended in a frown. “I don’t know. At least now I don’t have to keep it inside. But how do I move forward with Bill after what I experienced with David?”
She hesitated and lowered her voice as if someone might be listening. “You don’t want to hear David out?”
“What could he possibly say?”
“This is just seriously blowing my mind, Liv. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you this passionate, putting everything on the line for someone.”
“It’s best that we don’t see each other again. And after this thing with the house . . . Maybe things weren’t what I thought.”
“Do you really feel that way?”