Slip of the Tongue (Slip of the Tongue 1)

I loosen my grip, but stay wrapped around him. He lifts his body so I can see. He’s only inside of me enough to tease. The rest of him is poised to enter. His size might scare me if I weren’t used to Nathan.

“Am I hurting you?” Finn asks, stilling completely. “I know it’s big. I haven’t even started, though.”

I realize I’m squeezing my eyes shut. My shoulders are hunched around my neck, my fingers dug into the cushion. Why did I have to think of Nathan right now?

I open my eyes. “All at once,” I say.

He clenches his jaw, desire flickering in his eyes. “It might hurt.”

“I want it to.”

He inches inside me a little deeper. I can’t take my eyes off the way we look together. He’s staring at my face. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Yes, you do. Think of how good it’ll feel to finally—”

He thrusts hard, boring into me with an unrestrained groan of pleasure. Pain rips through me. I bite down on my lower lip until the throb turns good. He stops, breathing hard. Sweat drips from his chest to mine.

“Go,” I say.

He pulls away and eases back in. We both watch my pussy take every inch. “Harder,” I say.

He looks down at me. “Tell me you want me.”

“Tell me I’m a slut,” I shoot back. I don’t know where it comes from. We’re each hot enough that Finn won’t catch the flush of my face. I’m not embarrassed that I want to be called that. I’m embarrassed it’s so important to me, I couldn’t keep it to myself.

“If it’s because of what we’re doing,” he says, moving in and out of me slowly. Even though it’s good, I need more. “I’m not going to call you that. You aren’t that.”

I grab his face. I love that he cares, that he wants me to feel comfortable, and I want to repay him for it. “I want you, Finn. Ever since you looked at me that way—”

“In the hall,” he finishes my sentence. “Like you knew me.” He understands. “Sadie, you looked at me like I was . . . I was someone you’d loved and lost—and then found.” He buries one hand in my hair and kisses me, his lips both firm and reverent. Apparently, sweet pillow talk is the way to Finn’s cock, because he finally fucks me how I want. His thrusts come harder, deliberate, almost violent. The couch rocks, its oak frame grating against the wall. I’m going to come, not just because it feels so good, but because it feels so wrong. Finn reminds me of Nathan in a lot of ways. He’s also different. New. Rough. Wrong.

Finn grips my chin. “Look me in the eye.”

I thought I was. Finn looks at me, is looking at me, the way Nathan does—or did. As if I’m the sun in his universe.

My chest tightens. Panic comes easier than my orgasm, and it builds fast.

Finn releases my face and smacks the side of my ass cheek hard. I’m startled back to the moment.

“You need this, don’t you?” he asks.

I mouth the word “please.”

He gets up on both forearms and drives into me. Relentlessly. Powerfully. He holds nothing back. He doesn’t worry about breaking me. He lets go. I let go, slithering under him. Nothing is more important than reaching the top of this hill.

I come, grasping his shoulders to keep from losing myself. He grimaces as I make deep imprints in his skin with my nails. Either he likes it, or he’s in pain.

He seizes my face in one hand and forces my head still. “Are you on birth control?” he demands, his eyes like the white-hot center of a fire.

“Yes,” I gasp, “but you’re wearing a condom.”

His face contorts. With his thumb, he applies pressure to my lips until I open them. I suck, taking in his tormented expression. “Jesus,” he says. “Shit.” The top of my head squishes into the arm of the couch as he loses himself in me. With his ragged, out of control pace, I can’t do anything more than lie there until he barks out “fuck!” and comes.

He collapses, spent and sticky. His thrusts lengthen, slow. I run my hand over his sweat-slickened back and massage his scalp, trying to calm him down.

He kisses the outer shell of my ear as if he’s aiming with his eyes closed. “You’re here,” I think he says. His voice is muffled by my hair.

“Are you?” I ask. Compared to the violent way he just came, the silence is deafening.

“I’m here. Give me a minute.”

He slides his arms under me and holds on like I’m trying to escape. I’m not. I have nowhere to go. The realization hurts like a punch in the stomach. Maybe I lied just now. Physically, I’m here, but part of me isn’t and may never be.

It takes Finn some time to recover from the way he devoured me. He mutters, raw and raspy. “Jesus, Sadie. I feel like I just came for the first time in years.” He sighs. “Too much of that could kill a man.”

My laugh is breathless—his heavy body is crushing my lungs. I can’t imagine sex taking down a man of his size.

He lifts his head. His hair is damp and smooth, like polished honey-oak floors. Some strands fall around his face in slow motion. “I’m sorry about that last thing.”

“I understand.” Between my ringing ears and fuzzy head, our conversation earlier this week isn’t entirely clear. Still, I remember the important details. “Kend—she lied to you about birth control.”

“You can say her name. Kendra.” He clears his throat. “I haven’t been with anyone since I met her. I guess I got a little scared at the last minute.”

“I don’t want that either, Finn. Believe me. It’s the absolute last thing I want.”

He thumbs the hollow of my cheek. “Why? Kendra begs me for another baby.”

“Perhaps Nathan and Kendra should get together, then.” I wince before I’ve even finished the sentence. Finn stares at me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s fine. Is it so far outside the realm of possibility at this point?”

I look away so he doesn’t see it in my eyes. The truth—I’d kill Kendra before she could have Nathan. He’s too good for all of us. Is he, though? Is he the man I married? I never thought I had it in me to cheat on him, but I’m not as surprised at myself as I should be. I’m not the angel he is, or was.

Finn pulls out of me, discards the condom, and fits himself into the tight space between my body and the back of the sofa.

As I move onto my side to get comfortable, he grabs me. “Don’t,” he says. “Don’t go yet.”

“I’m not. I’m here for now.” I stare at the apartment, weirdly familiar, like my own, and utterly different. The record player is squarely in one corner, partially hidden by bubble-wrap cascading off the entertainment center. The radiator kicks and sputters but keeps blowing. “Did he sit on this couch when he came to fix the heater?” I ask.

Finn kisses me behind the ear. “Let’s not go down that path.”

The image of Nathan in this room spasms and fades to black, like turning off an old television set. I don’t notice the sickness in my gut until it disappears. “Yeah. You’re right.”

“And you’re calm,” he says. “Not that I’m complaining, but I was worried you’d be more . . . not calm.”

I’m not sure what he wants me to say. A post-orgasmic stupor will only last so long, and then who knows? Right now I feel like a butterfly with damaged wings and a rare opportunity to return to my cocoon for a few hours. “I’m content,” I say. “It’s been a while since I was anything other than confused. I don’t see the point in fighting it.”

Finn nuzzles my hair. “That means a lot to me.”

I glance back at him. He sounds sincere, and though we’ve become close, there’s much we don’t know about each other. “Why? Why does this mean anything to you?”

He squints at me. If he’s attempting to peer into my soul, he might not find anything left after what we just did. “It feels right, doesn’t it? Like this is supposed to be. I question everything in my life, all the time. Kendra. Work. Whether I should’ve stayed in Connecticut. The only sure thing is Marissa. And t

hen you come along, and it’s like things fall into place. Suddenly, taking this risk, moving back to the city—it was the right decision.”

“But what about Kendra?”