My heart drops. What happened within an hour that made him change his mind? I re-read all the texts. Is it because I took so long to respond? Is he having second thoughts?
My eyes well with a fresh round of tears.
I can’t do this. I can’t be so attached to Finn already that his rejection is like a knife between the ribs. I tap out a response I can’t even read through my blurry vision.
I saw
I lay my head on my forearms and give in to my sobs. I don’t understand what changed. His words were so short. Cold. As if me not going over there is more important than how he’s just made me feel.
When my phone buzzes again, I’m torn between snapping it up to read his response and pushing it over the side of the desk into the garbage. I can’t handle any other response than “just kidding.”
A knock on the door momentarily decides for me. I stand up to cross the office. Thank God for coffee—it’s never let me down. Well, except the time a barista served me decaf by accident, and I spent the following hours confused and lonely before I realized what’d happened. And yes, liquids can let a person down. Wine has. Wine has fucked me over in the past, but rarely coffee.
I open the door just enough for Benny to pass the decanter and machine through. “I’ll set it up for you,” she says instead.
“I can handle it.”
She purses her lips. “You look like you’re about to jump out your window. I’m coming in, or the coffee goes bye-bye.”
I roll my eyes and step aside. She sets the coffee maker on my desk and plugs it in.
“Wow,” I say. “I’m glad you were here. How would I have managed without you?”
She smirks. “Damn. I forgot a mug.”
I pull out two from a bottom desk drawer.
“I should’ve known,” she says.
“Yep. You should have,” I tease, passing them to her.
“So, what’d your dad say?” she asks as she pours the coffee. “I’ve never seen you cry.”
“I’m not crying.”
“Sorry. You’re right. I’ve never heard you cry. What’d he say to you?”
I take a comforting sip. “Can you keep a secret? Like, this isn’t office gossip, not even my dad can find out.”
She nods. “Hit me.”
“Rich and I broke up,” I say.
“Seriously?”
“Yes. Seriously.” She gapes at me. Am I the only one who sees Rich and I aren’t actually that good together? “I mean, I know Rich is great and all, but I don’t think he and I—”
She waves a hand at me. “No, it’s not that. I just can’t believe he’s why you’re bawling. Your relationship seems so cut and dry.”
“Oh.” I sit back against the lip of the desk. “So you’re not surprised it’s over?”
She looks into her mug. “Should I not have said that? Since you’re my boss?”
“No, it’s . . . it’s okay. It’s good. I was worried for a minute that everyone would think this was a mistake but me.”
She shrugs. “If you’re not into it, why does it matter what anyone else says?”
For a split second, I consider telling her about Finn. It’s not really the kind of relationship she and I have, and I’m not even sure how she’d respond, but it would be nice to let my hair down and bitch. To share how completely blindsided I feel by his sudden flip in personality.
I pick up my phone and read his message.
I’m sorry. I’ll explain next time I see you.
Next time I see you? Is he implying maybe he’ll see me, maybe not? This is a complete one-eighty from this morning. I didn’t peg Finn to be the one-night stand type. We didn’t even have sex.
“So how long’s it been since you were single?” Benny asks.
I’ve had my fill of men for today. I put the phone down and return my attention to Benny. “Do you want to grab a drink?”
The bartender sets three martinis on the bar, one in front of each of us. “Extra dirty,” he says. “From the dude in the suit.”
“Which dude?” Benny asks. “They’re all in suits.”
I slow-blink at the bartender, pointing at my half-empty drink. “But I haven’t even finished this one.”
He shrugs as Benny laughs. “If I finished all the drinks men bought me, I’d never be upright.”
“I think that’s the point . . .?” Cara says.
Benny elbows her. “You know what I mean.”
I could get used to this girlfriend thing. I’m on my third cocktail of the night, and each one has been paid for by a different guy. Benny has serious flirtation skills. It could also be the slight Latin accent that flavors her words. Or her long, richly brown hair.
“Cara’s sleeping with her manager,” Benny explains, “otherwise she’d be more fun tonight.”
“At the firm?” I ask.
“No, I work nights at a restaurant in Meatpacking. I’d never sleep with the misogynistic asshole lawyers I work for. Dan’s a misogynistic asshole, but at least he’s not a lawyer.”
“She’s exaggerating,” Benny says. “Dan’s sweet, she just doesn’t like people to know it.”
“Where’s your boyfriend?” I ask Benny.
“Pssh. What boyfriend? I’ve been playing the field since college.”
“Oh. Rich mentioned one.”
Benny frowns and puts a hand on my shoulder. “He flirted with me once while he was waiting for you to come back from a meeting. It was harmless, but I said I had a boyfriend just to make things easy.”
Rich hit on her? He rarely even attempts to flirt with me. “I’m sorry,” I tell her. “That must’ve been awkward, getting seduced by boss’s boyfriend. You should’ve told me.”
She waves me off. “I handled it fine.”
“Who’s Rich?” Cara asks. “The guy you just broke up with?”
Benny nods. “Her dad likes him.”
Cara cringes.
“That’s supposed to be a good thing,” I point out.
“Not in your twenties. Now’s the time to get back at dad for all the ways he fucked you up, and the men you date are your best weapons.”
“Huh.” I pick up my fresh martini. “I never thought of it that way.”
“So our mission is to find you a guy Mr. Fox would hate,” Benny says.
I’ve already accomplished that. Finn’s several years older than me and a struggling artist with an ex-wife. He also doesn’t put me in a box. Nothing about that would appeal to my dad. I shift on the barstool.
“Or maybe she’s already found one?” Cara asks, eyeing me.
I smile into my drink for a full second before I remember how Finn blew me off. “Actually . . .” I look up. “I need advice.”
“You already met someone?” Benny gasps. “You were fooling around on Rich! And that’s why you broke up. Did he catch you in the act? Were you buck naked, sprawled out on some burgundy leather couch I’m sure Rich has in his apartment—”
“No, no, no,” I sputter, trying not to laugh. I’m supposed to be pissed at the men in my life, but Benny’s right—Rich does love burgundy leather. “I didn’t cheat on him.” For the first time, I’m glad Finn had the sense to stop me so I wouldn’t have to lie about it. “This guy’s been pursuing me, but—”
“Sleep with him,” Benny says. “Those rules about waiting are bull.”
“I would,” I say. “In fact, we . . . we had this amazing night last night.”
“You whore,” Cara cries.
Benny shoves her so hard, she almost topples off the stool. “You don’t know her well enough to call her a whore, and by the way, she’s my boss.”
I force a smile. I think Cara’s teasing me—she’s laughing. But nobody’s ever called me a whore, joking or otherwise. “It’s fine. I can take it.”
“So, you banged,” Benny urges me on. “Then what?”
“I stayed over, but we didn’t bang. We just had a great night, like really really great.”