“What’s it look like?”
His smile falters a little as he takes in the open cupboards, pan, orange juice on the counter. The energy in the room changes as his eyes land on the eggs. “Breakfast.”
“Is that okay?” I asked. “I wanted to do something nice for you.”
He blinks a few times and looks back at me. “Yes. God, yes. Thank you. I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned how much I love breakfast food.”
I laugh. “Good to know you can still surprise me after all this time.”
“Yes, all—what’s it been, twenty days?”
“Twenty-three. We met on the first.”
“You met me on the first. I like to think I knew you those few days I had your journal.”
I fluff the eggs with my spatula as Finn’s words fluff my heart. He’s more of a man than anyone I’ve been with, and yet so sweetly sensitive. When I look back, he’s leaning against the doorframe. “Sadie helped me unpack the kitchen,” he says. “And we had an inside joke about breakfast.”
“Oh.” I turn back to the pan before he can see the disappointment on my face. Finn’s never made me feel unwelcome here, but now I know—the kitchen belongs to them. I guess she woke up early enough to surprise him. “Sorry.”
“No, I’m not upset,” he says. “I’m really fucking happy.”
I glance over my shoulder. “Happy . . .?”
“I just realized when I walked in here—I haven’t thought about Sadie in days. Not that I’d been thinking about her with you, but little things over the past year have reminded me of her each day, whether I like it or not. So to go without that . . .” He crosses his arms. “It’s a relief.”
I’m not sure if I should feel as excited about that as he does, but I do. It isn’t easy to get over someone. I can’t fault him for being hung up on her after the way she hurt him. “I love you,” I tell him. I’m still testing out the words. They’re a little foreign.
He also looks a bit startled. “I have a Christmas present for you.”
My heart falls. It’s not the response a girl wants to hear to a declaration like that. I try not to deflate, though. Last night’s argument was foreign territory for us, and I don’t want to return there. I didn’t like having to stand up to Finn, but there are some things I can’t budge on. This time of year, I owe my dad my compassion.
“A present?” I ask with a smile, trying for optimistic. “What is it?”
He goes into the hall closet and returns with a small rectangular box wrapped in gold and green paper. The shape gives it away, and I wonder what kind of jewelry it is—bracelet or necklace. I don’t care. Either would be nice, although jewelry is the kind of thing Rich always bought because he didn’t know what else to get me.
Finn hands me the present. “Open it.”
“Now?”
He nods, so I untie the metallic ribbon and carefully unfold the paper so I don’t look as eager as I feel. The box is smooth black leather, somewhat untraditional for jewelry, but then I see Mont Blanc printed across the top. The top creaks open to reveal a slim, rose gold ballpoint pen. “Wow.”
“I thought that pink color would match the leather nicely. Of your journals.”
“It’s beautiful. I love it.” I look up at him. This wasn’t picked out by a sales associate. Finn really thought about what I’d like. But my dad has a couple of these pens—they aren’t cheap. “You shouldn’t be spending money on me.”
“I want to.” He cups my face, brushing his index finger over the tattoo behind my ear. “I love you too, by the way.”
The gesture warms my skin—and my soul. Acknowledging my tattoo when he says he loves me is accepting that my pain is part of me, and it doesn’t scare him. “I also have something for you.”
“I don’t need anything more than this,” he says and kisses me.
“Be that as it may, I already paid for it, and it’s non-refundable.” I wiggle my eyebrows. “It doesn’t come in a box, and it can’t be wrapped, but it’ll be delivered next week. Aren’t you curious?”
He narrows his eyes playfully. “All right. What is it?”
I grin. “A new website.”
“A what?” He shakes his head in disbelief. “No way. Can’t be.”
Finn’s website needed work. The photos took forever to load, and it was minimalistic, but not in a good way. The only thing worth keeping was his bio and the photo he posted with it. He told me it’d been taken at sunset on a family vacation to the beach. His bronze skin turns his enormous smile blindingly white. His hair is lightened from the sun, his eyes so green they’re almost gold. He’s male model material anyway, but in that photo, he’s Greek god status. “I hired one of the designers we use at the agency. He has a six-month waiting list, but I sweet-talked him into a rush job.”
“Okay, I lied earlier. I do need some things, and a decent website is one of them.” He laughs. “Thank you, Hals.”
We eat breakfast at the kitchen table with my feet in his lap. A few inches to the left, and I’d wake the beast—then I’d be Finn’s breakfast. But I’m already pushing it. I have to be at work soon, and I still haven’t showered.
Finn massages the arch of my foot with one hand and shovels eggs into his mouth with the other. “I’ll miss you,” he says.
I melt a little. “At least I start my period today. I can already feel it. So you won’t be missing much.”
He grunts. “I like you for more than what you’ve got going between your legs,” he says. “But don’t be naïve enough to think I won’t fuck you on your period. It’s called a shower.”
I half roll my eyes. “God forbid you go a few days without sex.”
“Yeah? And you weren’t all over me last night?” he asks. “Sitting on my cock while the neighbors watched.”
My heart skips with his sudden dirty talk. It feels extra filthy in the daylight over eggs and bacon. Lying by his side last night had been like floating on a cloud. Sheets so soft, my body calm and sated. Heaven. “Amen.”
“Hmm?” he asks.
“Nothing.” I arch my foot in his hand. “You’ll text me, right?”
“All day long.”
“Will you post?”
He nods as he chews. “I have some great ones from earlier this week.” He winks. “And the one with the red bow.”
I blush. We had fun with that ribbon, tying it on all sort of body parts.
Finn looked at me from the foot of the bed, camera in hand. “Spread out. Arms above your head.”
I did as he said, my insides clenching at his command. I was naked and turned on enough not to worry how my tits or stomach looked. He was in work mode and fully clothed, but once he got his shot, he’d fuck me.
When I was in position, he traded his camera for a fat, satin, cranberry-red ribbon we’d purchased at a giftwrapping kiosk. His eyebrows cinched as he secured my wrists together, tightening the bow just enough to pinch. “I wouldn’t mind finding you like this under my tree,” he said, getting onto the mattress.
I bit my bottom lip. “Maybe you will.”
He took the photo, the bow vibrantly red against my pale forearms, the ghost-white sheet.
Posing for him is an unrivaled sort of foreplay.
“You’ll send me a caption for that today or tomorrow?” he asks. “I want to post it on Christmas.”
I put my fork down. Finn’s been taking passages from my journal for most of our photos, but he wants something special for that one. An ‘enchanting’ caption he said. I’ve been trying, but I haven’t written anything decent since those couple days we were apart. The more I want to get it right, the harder it seems to be. “Sure,” I say. “I’ll give it some thought. Has anyone reposted since yesterday morning?”
“I haven’t checked.” He nods at my phone. “Why don’t you? Sign into my account.”
It takes me a moment to register his words. I try not to get too excited in case he’s teasing me. “Really?”
“My password is your name
and December, all lowercase. Halston December.”
I try unsuccessfully to hold back a smile. “My name?”
“Yep. I changed it. Easier for both of us to remember.”
I push my plate away and pick up my cell, suddenly giddy. “You’re sure you don’t mind?”
“Why would I? I meant to give it to you a while ago. You going to finish your breakfast?”
I sign out of my own account and type Finn’s username into the login page.
“Hals?”
“Huh?”
“You should eat more.”
I try the password. It works. My palms sweat around the phone, my heart racing even faster than it did while I opened my present. “I’m full.”
“All right.” He slides my plate over and gets to work on it.
A little red bubble pops up with Finn’s notifications.
Holy shit.