Revealing the scars that lined my body.
Not physical.
Could get beat to shit and I wouldn’t give a damn.
It was all the rest that was torture. Making me question my sanity. This thirst to destroy becoming more than I could bear.
I stripped down to my boxers, panting by the time I had. I planted my hands on the vanity and stared at myself through the glow of the mirror.
I lifted my chin, exposing the ink imprinted on my skin. A black hawk tried to take flight on my chest, its wings rising up to wrap my neck in a vain attempt to soar. A shackle bound one foot. Chained. Unable to fly. Held down by the ghosts writhing across my stomach.
Ghosts that would haunt me forever.
My eyes took in the words written in the mix of it.
Love is the heart’s greatest deceit.
It was instant, the way the room spun, the way hatred and turmoil and hurt squeezed my ribs to the point of shattering.
Suffocating.
In a blink, I was struck by the past.
Taken hostage to the pictures that invaded my mind.I propped her on the bathroom counter. She giggled a sexy sound. “Royce. What do you think you’re doing?”
I nuzzled into her neck, her dark hair falling across my face. I inhaled. “Loving my wife. I missed the hell out of you.”
She tsked a coy sound. “How could you miss me when you were out chasing your dream?”
“Dreams don’t mean a whole lot if you aren’t there to share them with me.”
She giggled more. “Sweet talker.”
I was palming my hand across the huge swell of her belly. Joy rose, pressing full.
Was it even possible to feel like this?
Awe slammed me when I felt the little kick. “She’s moving.”
She pressed my hand closer to her stomach. “She hears you.”
“Think she knows how much I love her?”
My wife looked back at me with adoration. “How could she not?”I fought the memories, hands fisting on the cold granite. My jaw clenched so tight it pierced my head with a stake of pain.
My eyes slowly opened until I was staring back at my reflection.
I had to remember.
I had to remember.
Couldn’t forget the goal.
My purpose.
So how, after everything, was the girl across the hall the only thing I wanted?
I guessed I really was a bastard.ElevenEmilyThe stench of evil filled the room. Wickedness abounding.
Smothering.
Gagging.
Darkness consumed, a blind over my eyes. I yanked at the bindings on my wrists. Desperate.
A hand clamped down on my chin. “Shh, Emmy Love. Careful. You don’t want to go and hurt yourself.”
A whimper bled free. “Please, let me go. I’ll give you anything.”
Hot breath hit my ear. “Promise?”I jerked up to sitting, panting, skin drenched in sweat. My eyes jumped everywhere all at once, searching for a demon hiding in my room. Shadows leapt across the walls and danced on the floor, the silhouette of the two pygmy palm trees in planters on my balcony swaying through the silver rays of moonlight that poured in through the sliding doors.
I gasped in relief.
It was just a dream.
Just a dream.
A nightmare that I couldn’t escape.
Hunting me down night after night.
Sleepless.
Exhaustion weighed down, but there was nothing I could do but slip from my bed, unwilling to lie in it for a second longer.
I couldn’t take it.
I stood in the middle of my room. Once again, completely alone. Heart pressing so full at my chest, the hurt so big in the middle of the night that I was sure it might implode. I shuffled back over to the nightstand, flipping open my journal and gripping the piece of paper that I’d found this morning before we left Mobile for the next show.
It was a beige parchment, torn at one side, the strong handwriting denting the paper and making it look as if the words had been stamped there.
Emblazoned.
Have you been looking for someone
To fill up what you’re missing?
Who is it who’s gonna stop you
From the circle that keeps going ’round?In the dim light, I set it under the three lines I had written on the bus the first day Royce had climbed onto it. The day he’d invaded my space. I’d thought I’d been quick enough to flip the page closed. It wasn’t like it was earthshattering material, anyway.
But it was something.
And he’d remembered.
And—my nose curled in question—he’d written this. Written it and left it under my door.
Somehow, that made me feel like flyin’, too.
Comforted.
A feeling coming over me that maybe I wasn’t completely alone, after all.
Inhaling a deep breath, I padded around the bed and headed for the balcony doors. Sure I wasn’t going to get another wink tonight.
Quietly, I edged open the sliding door and stepped out.
The night was late, the drone of the city quieted as most had given themselves to sleep. Finding rest in the deepest hours.
Hugging my arms over my chest, I edged farther outside and tipped my attention above to the heavens.