I flung my leg over the seat and settled myself onto the heavy metal, grabbed the handle bars, and squeezed them tight.
Trying to focus through the turmoil.
Through the betrayal of feelings that seethed inside.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I mumbled, pinching my eyes closed and trying to get myself together. I needed to reclaim my purpose.
What terrified me was that picture was getting vague. Distorted at the edges. Changing shape.
I forced myself to kick over the engine. The motor rumbled low, power vibrating through my body. I pulled back the throttle, revving it, doing my best to convince myself to pop it into gear.
Nothing.
No will.
Go, Leif. You’ve got to get the hell out of here before you lose your cool.
Yeah, that didn’t work because I climbed off my bike.
I stared at it before I turned to glare at the door that I’d just come through like it was going to swallow me up.
I couldn’t believe that I’d been so reckless.
That I’d allowed myself to feel this.
That I was actually just going to walk away like a fucking coward. No care for the girl who’d given herself to me. Who’d offered me care and kindness.
Love just because she was willing to let a piece of herself go even at the risk of getting trampled.
“Fuck it.”
Maybe staying here for a minute was exactly what she needed. Maybe Lyrik was right. Maybe they needed another set of eyes watching over them.
Offering a little good.
At least that was what I was telling myself when I jammed the button to close the garage, tossed open the door, and stormed back up the sidewalk.
I buzzed through the gate, legs carrying me faster than they should as I made my way along the edge of the pool toward the main house.
Truth was, I had no idea how to face what was waiting inside for me.
And still, I was unable to stop.
Damn the consequences.
Here I was, stepping into Eden. Just a quick deviation on my way to Hell.
I let my backpack slide from my shoulder and drop to the ground, never slowing, just picking up speed while that bitch Karma ran along beside me ranting in my ear.
She could fuck off right about then.
I punched in the code, threw open the door, and stepped into the great room.
No doubt, I appeared half deranged. Raging. Body shaking with a type of adrenaline that I didn’t know how to shake.
Violence, I got.
But this?
It was an entirely different thing.
Kids were in the living room, but I moved right for Mia who was in the kitchen. She gasped and whirled around, and she leaned against the refrigerator door for support.
The girl the best thing that I had ever seen.
Wearing a silky robe that was doing stupid things to my head and desperate things to my dick.
I eased her way, and those sable eyes that had already told me goodbye filled with caution and confusion, and it was clear from the moisture still clouding them that I’d made her cry.
“I . . . I thought you left,” she whispered over a harsh breath.
An entire gulf separated us. A sea that I didn’t know how to cross.
I choked down the panic that had chased me in here. “I couldn’t.”
“But did you want to?” Hurt bled from her words. Her delicate throat trembled.
“Felt like I should stay.” The words grated free, scraped from a block of stone.
She almost laughed, her head shaking.
“You felt like you should stay?”
It was an accusation.
“Yeah.”
Sweat gathered at the nape of my neck when she turned away like she couldn’t look at me.
Nerves going haywire.
I inched around the island.
That crazy energy banged.
My pulse got swept up in the force of it.
I stopped a foot behind her, not sure what the hell I really thought I was going to do. Tell her that I never wanted to leave. That I wanted to stay. That I’d be with her if I had the choice.
She swiveled back around.
“You don’t owe me anything, Leif,” she whispered below her breath to keep the conversation from the kids. “I knew what I was getting myself into last night. I was the one who chased after you.”
She gave a couple bumbling nods. No question, she was trying to convince herself that was the way she actually felt.
My head shook, and I eased a fraction closer.
“You know better than that, Mia.” Words came out gruff. “You said yourself that this has been coming. You and I were going to happen. One way or another.”
If I stayed in the same place as her, we were going to collide.
Diverting her gaze to the floor, she chewed at her lip. “But you regret it.”
Harsh, low laughter rumbled out, and I was moving forward, backing her to the counter without even giving a thought to what I was doing. My mouth hovered an inch over hers as I stared her down. “Yeah. I might regret it. But don’t think for a second that I didn’t want it, Mia. I’ve never wanted anyone the way that I want you. Not once. Not ever.”