He sat up. The room was dark. Woman with the black hair. What was that around her neck? He had to pack now. Go to the airport. The doorway. The thirteenth one. I understand.
Aunt Viv sat beyond the living room door, in the glow of a single lamp, sewing.
He drank another swallow of the beer. Then he emptied the can slowly.
"Please help me," he whispered to no one at all. "Please help me."
He was sleeping again. The wind was blowing. The drums of the Mystic Krewe of Comus filled him with fear. Was it a warning? Why don't you jump, said the mean housekeeper to the poor frightened woman at the window in the movie Rebecca. Had he changed the tape? He could not remember that. But we are at Manderley now, aren't we? He could have sworn it was Miss Havisham. And then he heard her whisper in Estella's ear, "You can break his heart." Pip heard it too, but still he fell in love with her.
I'll fix up the house, he whispered. Let in the light. Estella, we shall be happy forever. This is not the school yard, not that long hollow hallway that leads to the cafeteria, with Sister Clement coming towards him. "You get back in that line, boy!" If she slaps me the way she slapped Tony Vedros, I'll kill her.
Aunt Viv stood beside him in the dark.
"I'm drunk," he said.
She put the cold beer in his hand, what a darling.
"God, that tastes so good."
"There's someone here to see you."
"Who? Is it a woman?"
"A nice gentleman from England ... "
"No, Aunt Viv--"
"But he's not a reporter. At least he says he's not. He's a nice gentleman. Mr. Lightner is his name. He says he's come all the way from London. His plane from New York just landed and he came right to the front door."
"Not now. You have to tell him to go away. Aunt Viv, I have to go back. I have to go to New Orleans. I have to call Dr. Morris. Where is the phone?"
He climbed out of the bed, his head spinning, and stood still for a moment until the dizziness passed. But it was no good. His limbs were leaden. He sank back into the bed, back into the dreams. Walking through Miss Havisham's house. The man in the garden nodded again.
Someone had switched off the television. "Sleep now," Aunt Viv said.
He heard her steps moving away. Was the phone ringing?
"Someone help me," he whispered.
Three
JUST GO BY. Take a little walk across Magazine Street and down First and pass by that grand and dilapidated old house. See for yourself if the glass is broken out of the front windows. See for yourself if Deirdre Mayfair is still sitting on that side porch. You don't have to go up and ask to see Deirdre.
What the hell do you think is going to happen?
Father Mattingly was angry with himself. It was a duty, really, to call on that family before he went back up north. He had been their parish priest once. He had known them all. And it had been well over a year since he'd been south, since he'd seen Miss Carl, since the funeral of Miss Nancy.
A few months ago, one of the young priests had written to say that Deirdre Mayfair had been failing badly. Her arms were drawn up now, close to the chest, with the atrophy that always sets in, in such cases.
And Miss Carl's checks to the parish were coming in as regular as always--one every month now, it seemed--made out for a thousand dollars to the Redemptorist Parish, with no strings attached. Over the years, she had donated a fortune.
Father Mattingly ought to go, really, just to pay his respects and say a personal thank you the way he used to do years ago.
The priests in the rectory these days didn't know the Mayfairs. They didn't know the old stories. They'd never been invited to that house. They had come only in recent years to this sad old parish, with its dwindling congregation, its beautiful churches locked now on account of vandals, the older buildings in ruins.
Father Mattingly could remember when the earliest Masses each day were crowded, when there were weddings and funerals all week long in both St. Mary's and St. Alphonsus. He remembered the May processions and the crowded novenas, Midnight Mass with the church jammed. But the old Irish and German families were gone now. The high school had been closed years ago. The glass was falling right out of the windows.
He was glad that his was only a brief visit, for each return was sadder than the one before it. Like a missionary outpost this was, when you thought about it. He hoped in fact that he would not be coming south again.
But he could not leave without seeing that family.
Yes, go there. You ought to. You ought to look in on Deirdre Mayfair. Was she not a parishioner after all?
And there was nothing wrong with wanting to find out if the gossip was true--that they'd tried to put Deirdre in the sanitarium, and she had gone wild, smashing the glass out of the windows before lapsing back into her catatonia. On August 13 it was supposed to have happened, only two days ago.
Who knows, maybe Miss Carl would welcome a call.
But these were games Father Mattingly played with his mind. Miss Carl didn't want him around any more now than she ever had. It had been years since he was invited in. And Deirdre Mayfair was now and forever "a nice bunch of carrots," as her nurse once put it.
No, he'd be going out of curiosity.
But then how the hell could "a nice bunch of carrots" rise up and break out all the glass in two twelve-foot-high windows? The story didn't make much sense when you thought about it. And why hadn't the men from the sanitarium taken her anyway? Surely they could have put her in a straitjacket. Isn't that what happened at times like that?
Yet Deirdre's nurse had stopped them at the door, screaming for them to get back, saying that Deirdre was staying home and she and Miss Carl would take care of it.
Jerry Lonigan, the undertaker, had told Father the whole story. The ambulance driver for the sanitarium often drove limousines for Lonigan and Sons. Saw it all. Glass crashing out onto the front porch. Sounded like everything in that big front room was being broken. And Deirdre making a terrible noise, a howling. Horrible thing to imagine--like seeing someone rise from the dead.
Well, it w
asn't Father Mattingly's business. Or was it?
Dear God, Miss Carl was in her eighties, never mind that she still went to work every day. And she was all alone in that house now with Deirdre and the paid help.
The more he thought about it, Father Mattingly knew he should go, even if he did loathe that house, and loathe Carl and loathe everything he'd ever known of those people. Yes, he should go.
Of course he hadn't always felt that way. Forty-two years ago, when he'd first come from St. Louis to this riverfront parish, he had thought the Mayfair women genteel, even the buxom and grumbling Nancy, and surely sweet Miss Belle and pretty Miss Millie. The house had enchanted him with its bronze clocks and velvet portieres. He had loved the great cloudy mirrors, even, and the portraits of Caribbean ancestors under dimming glass.
He had loved also the obvious intelligence and purpose of Carlotta Mayfair, who served him cafe au lait in a garden room where they sat in white wicker chairs at a white wicker table, among potted orchids and ferns. They had spent more than one pleasant afternoon talking politics, the weather, and the history of the parish Father Mattingly was trying so hard to understand. Yes, he had liked them.
And he had liked little Deirdre, too, that pretty-faced six-year-old child he had known for so brief a time, who had come to such a tragic pass only twelve years later. Was it in the textbooks now that electric shock could wipe clean the entire memory of a grown woman so that she became the silent shell of herself, staring at the falling rain while a nurse fed her with a silver spoon?
Why had they done it? He had not dared to ask. But he had been told over and over. To cure her of her "delusions," of screaming in an empty room "You did it" to someone who wasn't there, someone she cursed endlessly for the death of the man who had fathered her illegitimate child.