Big Man For Christmas

And I thought I was happy. I really did. But looking back, maybe I wasn’t. Maybe I was just existing comfortably in the status quo that he forced us into. What I interpreted as easing into a domestic life together was Tyler putting me into a box and keeping me there.

It only took one email for that all to break open. A stupid confirmation number. Tyler paid for our flights with points he’d saved up, and I needed the flight numbers to give to my parents so they could pick us up. He’d actually gone out to pick up dinner for us, and he’d left his laptop on the table.

Normally I didn’t mess with his laptop, but it was open. And there it was…

An email from Andi asking if he still planned on fucking her silly before he left to go to Tennessee for Christmas. As long as I live I’ll never forget the coldness and dread that dropped through me. A simple search of her email address revealed how long it had been going on. And as many emails as there were, I’m sure there were even more texts.

I was an idiot for not seeing how protective he was with his phone and that it wasn’t work that constantly held his attention when he had to take a call or text.

When he came back with the Chinese food, I confronted him, and he wasn’t bothered or surprised. He was sorry that he hurt me, but he didn’t think that it was something that should bother me. I wanted him to be happy, right? And Andi made him happy. He didn’t see any reason why he couldn’t have both.

I may have thrown his ring back at him and locked myself in our bedroom. I don’t regret that part. Or the many, many names that I called him. Or the fact that I didn’t come out till morning and he looked exhausted from having to sleep on the couch. The bastard deserved it.

The plane starts to sink from the sky, and I down the rest of my soda in preparation. This will be fun. Oh wait. I’m not looking forward to the pitying stares and the requests for me to relive what happened over and over. Elgin is a classic small town, and the second that I show up here without Tyler, there’s going to be tongues wagging everywhere. It’s one of the worst parts of my hometown, but also part of its charm.

The upside is that I seem to have a hold on my tears for the moment. Right now my frustration and my anger are more powerful than my sadness. I’ll lean into that and hopefully I’ll make it.

It’s comforting, landing in Tennessee. Even alone. There’s something deep about coming home that feels good. Healing. Hopefully the amount of time that I’m going to be here will take the edge off so I can face Tyler and moving when I get back to Chicago.

When I’ll have to move my stuff out of our apartment. Find somewhere to live. Start a whole new life without him in it.

We land and deplane, and I make my way through the Nashville airport to baggage claim. The bags start to spin around the carousel, but before I see my bag I hear my name. “Carley!”

I turn to find my mother walking quickly toward me, a smile on her face. Seeing her, I nearly lose control again. But I manage a smile as she pulls me into a big hug. “It’s good to see you, sweetie. Where’s Tyler?”

I stiffen. “He’s not here.”

“Oh.” She sounds disappointed. “Okay, when’s he coming in? I thought you guys were on the same flight.”

And with those words, any chance that I’m going to cry in front of my mother disappears. Shock and anger are fully on my side now.

“Do you not remember our conversation?”

I called her when I found out about Tyler, after I was locked in our room and I had yelled myself out. After Tyler had stopped pounding on the door to apologize, telling me that he was sorry that I was upset—not that he was sorry for what he’d done. When she answered, I was crying and heartbroken.

But the first words out of her mouth weren’t comforting. “Carley, Tyler Marks is rich, handsome, and the best man that you’ve ever been with. He’s going places and you need to go with him. So he made a mistake. Throwing a man like that away over something that can be completely overlooked is foolish. And a shame.”

At the time I’d been speechless. “This wasn’t a mistake, Mom.”

“Don’t be silly. Of course it was. He loves you. He’s going to marry you. You’re the one he chose. For the rest of his life. Nothing else matters.”

“Yes it does,” I said, choking on the words. To me, four years of cheating on me wasn’t just a little mistake. It was a deliberate pattern that I wasn’t going to live with. “It does matter. Tyler and I are over.”