Big Man For Christmas

The hurt in her eyes isn’t worth the jab. “That’s not fair,” she says quietly. “I love—loved him. And we were happy for a while. I thought he loved me.”

“I love you,” I say.

The admission cracks through the air like lightning. We’re both silent, no sound but the hiss of food cooking and the soft music. Carley is staring at me, lips parted, her eyes wide in disbelief.

“I love you,” I say again. “Forever. I’ve loved you since we were both in seventh grade. I never wanted to admit it, but I did. Maybe longer than that. And it’s not going to change. I don’t—” I step closer and stop. “I don’t think I could ever love someone else, Carley. Not the way I love you.”

She’s still just staring, and for once, I can’t tell what she’s thinking.

“I’m asking you, not telling you or commanding you. I’m just asking. Please stay with me.” My voice nearly breaks, and I wrap my arms around her. “Love me back.”

Carley rests in my arms for a moment. She’s so warm and fits against me so well that it makes me ache. But then she gently slips out of my arms again. “This needs to be stirred.”

She’s facing away from me now. Focusing entirely on the food on the stove. But that’s not an answer. “I’ll go with you,” I tell her.

“No. You love Elgin,” she says. “You’d be miserable in Chicago.”

“I love you more than I could ever love this town, Carley. I’ll be miserable when you leave. I have been miserable here without you and just didn’t have the words for it.”

Turning to me, she puts down the spatula she’s stirring with. “You’re just lonely now that your parents are gone.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is true, Casey,” she sighs. “I’m the one that got away. A novelty. I’m a brand new shiny thing along with an old flame tied up into one and that makes me something irresistible. You only think that you love me. But you don’t. You’ll get tired of me, and then you’ll be stuck with me and I’ll be trapped again. The whole fucking valley will be gossiping about our failed marriage in two years, and for the rest of my life stuck in this town I’ll get those looks. And you can’t tell me that you don’t know exactly which ones I’m talking about either.

“So no, thank you. Let’s just let this be what it is. Amazing, hot sex between two consenting adults.”

I think my heart is cracking in two. This might be worse than her avoiding me. At least then I had the opportunity to wonder what I had done or if I could have done something differently. Not be dismissed completely when I’m laying my heart on the line. “Is that really all this is?”

There’s no mistaking the sadness—the grief—in her voice. “It’s all it can be.”

“Then I’ll take it.” I feel numb inside, but I’m not going to waste time. I do love this woman, and I’d rather have any part of her than nothing at all. “And I’m not going to waste another minute on anything else.”

I switch off the stove burner and kiss her. She tastes like cinnamon and sugar—the glaze that she was making for the carrots. Carley kisses me back. It’s not a reflex, but a choice. She wants this too.

The music that’s playing slows down and there’s a love song playing like the universe knows exactly what’s happening and has given us the perfect soundtrack for it.

I slip one hand up under her shirt and let the other roam down over her ass. As long as I live, I’ll never get enough of her curves. They fit perfectly in my hands, and the softness under my fingers makes me hard.

Holding her against me, I capture her mouth. I draw her tongue out and brush it against mine, savoring the taste of her and the way we dance with each other. This time we undress each other, not bothering to be slow. We’re moving without a destination, naked in the living room. Together, we make it to the couch, and I fall onto it and bring her down with me, arranging her to straddle my lap. She fits me against her and sinks down, biting her lip as she stifles her moan.

I cradle her face in my hands. “I don’t think so. Don’t hide from me. Not after today. I know that you can scream, and I want to hear you. Let it out, Carley.”

Her mouth falls open as she begins to move, the moans coming from her low and throaty and so damn sexy I get even harder inside her.

Carley’s pussy feels so good, gripping me and slipping against my skin. My hands are on her hips. Pulling her down and making her rock deeper. Further. Everything. My orgasm is coming faster than I want it to. This needs to last, because once Carley walks out of my door, I have no idea if she’s ever coming back.