Big Man For Christmas

I can’t breathe, white light explodes behind my eyes as the orgasm fades and it feels so fucking good. And it just keeps going, that undercurrent of electricity still alive as Casey slams into me again. “Four,” he grunts out.

It’s going to happen. It’s inevitable. My body is too close to the edge, too overwhelmed to hold anything back. He fucks me hard and fast, until his rhythm falters. He’s close too, leaning forward so he can grind down into me, once again hitting my clit and lighting the spark that’s the end of it all.

He comes, heat filling me deep, and I come with him. We’re falling through a nova together, heat and pleasure all wrapped up in one. He releases my legs and nearly collapses on me, but I don’t care. I love his weight. I love the security of him on top of me, reminding me that he’s here. He’s not kissing my forehead and rolling away from me. I can’t imagine Casey every rolling away when touching me is an option.

And I fucking love that.

He’s breathing hard along with me, lips against my neck.

“I love you,” he says.

“I love you.”

He grins, shifting to the side so he can hold me. Together we move so we’re under the blankets, and I’m so exhausted and so happy, because tonight I’m not going to have to sneak out and leave. My family knows exactly where I am, and I don’t give a shit about getting caught this time.

Sleep already has its hands on me, but I want to stay awake to enjoy this moment. Try to bask in the fact that I’m happy and have chosen. “I was wondering…”

“Yeah?”

“Tomorrow at the fireworks. Would you be interested in reliving that old memory? Doing it right this time.”

Casey laughs softly. “You stole my idea.”

“Hmm, I think it was my idea.”

“Maybe we had the same one.”

I tuck my head in close to his chest, closing my eyes. “You didn’t answer though.”

“Yes,” Casey says with a chuckle. “I’m more than happy to fuck you in the woods during the fireworks tomorrow. And since we’re not using condoms, no blackberry bush can fuck it up this time.”

“Good.”

The fireworks are on Christmas Eve every year. I’ll be here on Christmas. I’ll be with Casey for Christmas. “I need to get you a Christmas present.”

“No you don’t.”

“Why not?”

Casey’s hands drift down my spine, stroking in slow, relaxing circles. “You already got me the best present. I got you.”

“Does that mean I should wrap myself up in a bow and let you unwrap me?”

“I definitely wouldn’t say no to that. But I already have your Christmas present.”

I hit him lightly in the chest. “If I’m your Christmas present then you’re mine.”

“Too late. I got you something anyway.”

“How did you know that I’d still be here?”

He sighs. “I didn’t, but I hoped that you would be.”

“What is it?”

“You’ll see tomorrow,” he kisses my hair. “Don’t worry, I won’t make you wait all the way till Christmas Day.”

I’m truly falling asleep now, that sinking feeling pulling me down into deep and luxurious darkness. “Not even a hint?” I ask. I think my words are slurring.

“No hints,” he whispers. “Where’s the fun in that?”

“It’s all the fun,” I say, running out of steam with my words.

Casey holds me just a little closer. “Sleep, Carley. You’ll know soon enough.”19CarleyFireworks Night is everything that I remember and more. A light snow is falling by the time the sun sets, and the lights on the Christmas village glow cheerily. It’s so much bigger than I remember.

There are craftspeople from all over the state. Leather workers selling amazing handmade journals and wallets stamped with beautiful designs. Handmade pottery in every color of the rainbow. Local honey. As well as jewelry, art, and there are a lot of amazing delicacies for sale along with the potluck provided by everyone in the town.

This morning I moved my suitcase out of my parents’ house and into Casey’s. The kids can have the good bed, and I get to spend time with him. My mother watched me without speaking, but there was still judgement in her eyes.

But I no longer care. This morning I woke up happier than I’ve been in years, wrapped up in Casey. He had to get up at dawn to do the work of the farm along with the other employees. In the time I’ve been here, I have yet to see the people that work for Casey since they’ve all been gone by the time I was around. But I heard them in the yard putting the cows out to pasture as Casey was kissing me good morning.

“It’s Christmas Eve,” I said. “You should stay in bed.”

He laughed. “I’ll be back soon enough, you sleep.”

And I did, stretched out in Casey’s giant bed. Until he came back hours later and kissed me awake, carrying me downstairs—naked—to a breakfast he’d driven into town and picked up. Because he is still the world’s worst cook. I can live with that.