Holly whispered to me, “But we’re not classy bitches.”
“We are.” I turned back to the host as he hurried to us. “Hello.” I cleared my throat. “Smith party.”
Veronica snapped her fingers. “Party of classy bitches right here.”
Park laughed on my right. “Working for you is so awesome.”
I unintentionally burped and waved it away. “And see, Park, Saint wants you to cut your trip.”
“Oh my God.” Holly widened her eyes as she stumbled next to me. “This is your assistant Park?”
“Yeah.”
“You brought your assistant?” Holly laughed. “You think Saint and I are going to let you get any work done this week?”
“I was hoping so—”
“Never!” Holly did an evil laugh. “We’re going to the Santa Clause village every day.”
“The hell we are.”
“Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!”
“All right.” I shushed her. “Fine. I get it. A bunch of hoes will be there.”
Holly jabbed her finger at my chest. “Your butt is ours this week!”
“Yes, Holly.” I giggled. “I’ve got it.”
Somehow we made it to the table without getting kicked out for being loud and boisterous. I could feel the alcohol kicking in, but I hoped food would keep it down.
Too bad, dinner started with drinks in glasses made of ice. Even with the gloves on, my glass kept slipping in my hands. Therefore, I chugged it fast.
Man. . .I’m about to be tore up.
“This place,” Holly slurred, “Is the very epitome of who I am.”
I smirked. “You’re a cold bitch?”
“No.” She widened her eyes. “I’m white as hell. This winter I’ve been unable to tan.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I’m pale as fuck, Ivy. Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying.” I held my hand to my heart. “I swear.”
“You always were a bad liar. That’s okay because I’m like a winter goddess.” She raised her ice glass in the air. Some of the red liquid spilled from it. “To winter goddesses, everyone!”
We all raised our glasses with her. “To winter goddesses!”
The waiter came over to our rowdy table. I apologized a few times through giggling. Every time he tried to take our drink order, he gazed at Holly’s dildo crown as if unsure of what it could be.
Holly pointed at her crown and slurred. “It’s a bunch of dildos!”
I took her hand and whispered, “He’s got it, Holly. Let’s keep our voices down.”
Holly winked at the waiter. “You like it! Don’t you?”
“Okay.” I grabbed his attention. “We just need the food I ordered for everyone weeks ago and lots of water. This table is cut off from alcohol.”
“What?! Don’t cut off the alcohol.” Veronica was bent over the edge of the table twerking again.
I shrieked. “What are you doing?”
“Emma said she didn’t know how to twerk.” Veronica sat back down. “I told her that I would show her.”
I pointed at her. “Stay seated. We’ll show her how to twerk when we leave.”
Veronica pouted and pointed back at me. “I love you, girl!”
“Okay.” I motioned to lower her voice. “I love you too.”
“No, Ivy! I really love you!” She kept pointing. “You take good care of Holly!”
“Okay, we really love each other.”
Emma stood and rocked her crotch in and out.
I held my hands in the air. “Now what are you doing?”
“Twerking.”
Anna and Holly laughed.
“Just sit down, Emma.” I waved my hands in front of me. “No more twerking in here. We’re classy bitches.”
Holly raised her hands in the air. “To classy bitches!”
“Oh, no.” I shook my head. “Shhh.”
Everyone else yelled. “To classy bitches!”
Luckily, the older couple next to us laughed.
The woman leaned our way. “Congratulations. Who’s the bride?”
“Me! The one with dildos!” Holly’s eyes watered. “Thanks so much for saying that too. That means so much to me.”
“Oh, God.” I covered my face.
“I’m just consumed by love tonight.” Holly bawled.
Check, please.
Regardless, the food was delicious and served swiftly. I believed it was to keep all of us from getting frostbite and perhaps to get our drunk asses out of there! The first course was a creamy mushroom soup with buttery bread. The main course was grilled reindeer fillet with a buttery sauce, roasted root vegetables, and a potato cake. While I didn’t know people ate reindeer, I decided it was one of my new favorite meats.
Unfortunately, Holly refused to eat hers. Next, she held her hands in prayer and sang Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
I showed her my knife. “If you don’t be quiet. . .”
She lowered her voice. “I love you.”
“Love me without any more craziness this evening.”
They served dessert on ice plates. It was chocolate fondant with berries. I ordered us coffee and staggered off to the bathroom. That was when I realized I was even drunker than I thought. Somehow, I pissed in that cold-ass bathroom. The walls were made of ice. At least the toilet was porcelain. My butt was freezing and I was ready to get out of the whole restaurant.
When I returned and sipped my coffee, I realized it was full of tequila. I swallowed and glared at them. “Who spiked the coffee?”