Tillie nodded. “I think I will. He’s not religious—well, anymore—but he’s such a good man. I can see him finding his way back and accepting Jesus Christ as his Savior. But once saved, always saved. So maybe he just needs a good church family—a little nudge.”
Satan lived inside of me. In a tiny room down the hall from the sanctuary doors, I sat idle with Satan lassoing my soul. Evil words formulated in my head. I couldn’t stop them from having a voice, even if I didn’t let that voice out to the group.
Kael wasn’t going to fall in line and confess his sins. He wasn’t going to accept Jesus Christ as his Savior. He wasn’t going to be re-baptized in the church and put a ring on Tillie’s finger. He wasn’t going to re-virginize himself and wait for intimacy until their wedding night. And it wasn’t fair of Tillie to push him in that direction—to take advantage of his kindness.
And it wasn’t okay for her to … STEAL MY SEX TOY!
My hand flew to my mouth, trapping my laughter.
Laughing. At. Myself.
I couldn’t believe my mind went there.
These women were my friends. We’d been with each other through so much grief. We didn’t do anything but lift each other up and encourage each other to find life after loss. Tillie deserved only the best. She was in her early thirties, closer to Kael’s age. Of course, he would find her appealing. She was genuinely kind, like him.
I used to be kind. I wasn’t sure what happened.
“Sorry.” I cleared my throat and dropped my hand. “Sneezed.”
Rhonda relaxed her frown and nodded slowly. “Bless you.”
“Thanks.”
“How about you, Elsie?” Rhonda tilted her head to the side. “Anything appropriate you’d like to share today?”
Appropriate? Well played, Rhonda.
As if I would’ve ever had anything inappropriate to share. “I’ve been focusing on the store and trying to give it and our customers the love and attention that Craig used to do. It’s brought some peace and sense of true accomplishment to my life.”
“Oh!” Tillie perked up. “Kael had the nicest things to say about you and your store, Elsie. He said you have so much experience to offer since this is his first time in the retail business. He lost his mother last year. He said you remind him of her. It’s really sweet.”
His mother.
I reminded him of his mother. That was … cringe-worthy. It took the “Mrs. Smith” reference to a whole new level.
“Sweet.” My eyes widened as I bit my lips together. “Yeah, that’s … definitely sweet.”“When did you start drinking beer?” Amie asked.
Glancing at my watch, I shrugged. “Ten minutes ago.”
She rolled her eyes. “I mean … you’ve never been a beer drinker. Honestly, I think you drink wine on my deck just to appease me.”
I invited her for a drink at Welch’s Pub in the town square. I hadn’t been there in years. Craig hung out there a lot, as did most of the guys in Epperly. Beer and big screens to watch sports.
We were tucked toward the back at a round, high-top table. The loud chatter in the packed bar along with the country music flowing from the old jukebox made it a little hard to hear, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk.
I just wanted to drink.
“Tillie Cunningham had a fabulous date with Kael. They really hit it off.” I sipped the foam off the top of my tap beer.
“Okay. And that’s why you’re drinking?”
My gaze remained affixed to the football game on one of the screens just over Amie’s shoulder. “She said he talked about me. He said I remind him of his mother, who passed last year.”
She took a sip of her red wine. “Well, if he liked his mother, then that’s a high compliment.”
Cupping my hands around the large beer mug, I nodded slowly. “Yup. That would be a great compliment had he not fucked me twice at my house and once at his store.”
Amie spat out her wine.
I grimaced, glancing down at the red stains splattered on my white sweater.
“Oh my gosh! I’m sorry …” She snatched her tiny cocktail napkin and leaned forward, blotting my sweater. “I just … you … oh my god …” Her hands paused as her eyes shifted, our gazes locking. “You slept with him?”
Plucking the napkin from her hand, I shook my head and dipped the flimsy paper in my water glass. “We didn’t sleep together. We fucked. And yes … I now use the word ‘fuck.’ I drink beer and have meaningless sex. Started my New Year’s resolutions a little early.”
A slow grin worked its way up Amie’s face as her saucer eyes remained unblinking. “Well … welcome to the dark side. I … I don’t know what to say.”
I didn’t want to smile or laugh; I just wanted to drink beer and forget about my adventures in sinful freedom. But my stupid grin betrayed me. “Just say I’m justified in feeling a little—a lot weirded out by his reference to his mom.”