Not What I Expected

On another eye roll, I turned, opened the driver’s door, and climbed inside.

Kael leaned inside and kissed me slowly. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

I smiled and rubbed my lips together while fastening my seat belt. “You too. Are you making a fancy dinner with all the trimmings?”

He shook his head and chuckled. “No. Not for two people. I bought a rotisserie chicken at the store yesterday to make soup.”

“Chicken noodle?” My nose wrinkled.

“Yep.”

“On Thanksgiving?”

Another chuckle. “Yes. On Thanksgiving.”

“That’s …” I gazed out at the woods. “Sad. That’s sad, Kael.”

“Sad would be popcorn and a turkey roll from Smith’s.”

My head whipped to the side. “Asshole.”

“Duck.” He smirked.

My phone chimed with a text, and I glanced at the screen.

Bella: You OK? It’s been over an hour.“Shoot. It’s Bella wondering where I’m at.”

He narrowed his eyes at the screen. “Tell her the truth.”

“You idiot. I’m not telling her the truth.”

“She didn’t ask for your location. She asked if you’re okay. Say, ‘yes,’ and tell her you’re on your way home.”

“And when I get home?”

“Tell her it’s the holidays, and holidays are filled with surprises.”

I grunted a laugh. “And later when she wonders about the surprise?”

“Oh, Mrs. Smith. I’m afraid you think your kids are more interested in your daily activities than what they really are. She’s eighteen not eight. By the time you get home, she will have forgotten that she was even worried about you for a brief moment.”

I texted her saying I was on my way home, but I shook my head while doing it. “My husband died in a car accident on a snowy night in December. Her concern is not that fleeting.”

“I’m sorry.”

After starting my Tahoe, I glanced at him and found a smile that didn’t scream “I killed my husband, and the least I could do is be a goose. But I’m not a goose. I’m a fucking duck!”

“It’s life.” I lifted a shoulder.

“I don’t mean for this to sound like anything but a sincere compliment. But you moving on enough to allow yourself…” his eyes shifted to the backseat for a quick second “…this. It says a lot about your strength to persevere.”

Yes. I was amazing. A true saint. The world’s best wife and mother. I deserved some sort of award. “That’s kind of you to say. And maybe a little biased since you’ve been the recipient of my strength and perseverance.”

“It’s not a bad gig.”

“Thirty. Single. Living life on the fly. Having sex with whomever whenever it suits you. Yeah … not a bad gig. Now go make soup for your dad.” I reached for the door handle, forcing him to take a step backward.

“Better bring your A-game tomorrow. I have some killer Black Friday specials going on.” He smirked.

“Santa Claus comes to Smith’s on Black Friday. Photographer. Free candy. Prize drawings. If I were you, I’d take the day off, so you and your staff don’t get bored.”

“Game on.” He winked and shut my door.

As I put my Tahoe into reverse, he knocked on my window.

“Yes?” I rolled down the window.

“Milk, Mrs. Smith. Don’t forget you left for milk.” He strode to his truck to get my milk.

That was close …Chapter SixteenWhen he turned the bedroom light on at five in the morning, an hour before I had to wake up, I felt like he was silently asking for a divorce. It was a ‘lightbulb’ moment for me.* * *“Dear Heavenly Father, we thank you for this time we have together and the food you’ve provided to nourish our bodies. As we approach the anniversary of Craig going home to be with you, may you continue to comfort our hearts. Amen.” I opened my eyes and shared a genuine smile with my kids and the three additional young women around the oval dining room table.

Bella wanted to set a place for Craig and light a candle in his memory. So we did.

“Can I make a toast before we begin?” Finn asked, pushing out of his chair and lifting his glass of sparkling cider.

“Sure,” I nodded.

He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “To Mom …”

I died.

My mind imagined a toast to Craig or an unexpected wedding proposal to his girlfriend. I never expected to hear my name come out of his mouth.

“Thank you for filling his shoes. There hasn’t been a single second since he died that I’ve felt even a tiny bit less loved. And while I miss him beyond words, I’m so proud of the way you’ve kept him alive in this house, at the store, and with your love.”

All the tears flowed freely, not only from my eyes but from everyone else at the table.

“To Mom,” my other three children chimed in.

Finn … he knew. He had always known. I never expected that from him. I think part of me imagined him holding an eternal grudge over the fight … the request for a divorce. He questioned my right to fifty-percent of things. My, how my young boy had matured in a year. I hated to think how much of it was forced upon him from his father’s death.