Twenty feet.
Fifteen feet.
“Kiss me.”
Ten feet.
“You’re such a horny duck.” He smirked.
Five feet.
“Kiss—”
He kissed me.
My face in his hands.
My feet lifted onto my toes.
My heart in the jar on the top shelf—crashing to the ground.EpilogueAfter two months of sex—so much sex—holding hands in the town square, flirting over lunch at Spoons, and ignoring the judgmental glances from some of Epperly’s residents, it was time for me to leave for Texas to get Bella settled into her dorm.
I took my house off the market since it wasn’t getting any lookers anyway. Kael and I agreed there was no reason to live together, even if we shared the same bed most of the time … even if there was an extra toothbrush at his place and mine. Autonomy mattered to us. Space mattered. It not only mattered; it made our time together mean more.
After my boys moved, they’d come home to visit. And there was this shift. They weren’t home to hole-up in their rooms or hide in the basement; they were home to visit me. We shared more meaningful conversations. Our time together was intentional, not just a convenience of shared space.
With Kael, we made the choice every day to be alone or be together. Our time together was always intentional, always meaningful.
“You should come with me to Peru next month,” I said while packing my bag for Texas.
Kael rubbed Meadow’s belly from their sprawled out positions on my bed. “Have you ever taken a trip all by yourself?”
“No. I got pregnant in college and raised four kids. I don’t feel like I’ve been going to the bathroom by myself for that long. And honestly … Meadow occasionally follows me in there to watch me do my business. I think she feels it’s only fair.”
He chuckled. “Then you definitely need to take a trip by yourself. It’s an incredible experience. It’s healing. It’s a confidence booster. It’s the opportunity to let something be only about you. You’ll learn to trust yourself more—to rely on yourself. It will edge you out of your comfort zone. And you’ll get to know yourself in a way you’ve probably never had the chance to do.
“I took my first solo trip out of the country when I was twenty-four. It changed me. I matured. I found a deeper meaning to my life and learned to create my own happiness. It forced me to make new friends and redefine the meaning of family … and in some ways the meaning or purpose of my life.”
I zipped my bag. “Either you are a true believer in this ‘solo tripping’ or you desperately want to get rid of me for a while.”
He sat up and pulled me to stand between his legs. I rested my hands on his shoulders, knowing he meant every word—wondering if my marriage would have ended had Craig valued my emotional health and championed my independence so much. The problem with marriage and most of the vows people made to each other was there weren’t the actions to back them up. It was like my kids apologizing all the time, but their actions didn’t reflect those apologies.
My wedding vows with Craig should have been more specific:
I promise to encourage you to take trips by yourself, not burp before kissing you, and always use complete sentences that don’t end in“ya know.”
“Love, honor, and cherish” were just too broad.
“I’m not broken,” Kael said.
“What do you mean?” I glided my hands up to his neck and teased the hair at his nape.
“I have as much capacity to love as any other human being. My choices don’t reflect my abilities. I’m not bad at love or broken. My feelings aren’t less intense or less sincere. It’s because I love you that I want you to love yourself. People love to quote Richard Bach’s ‘If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours; if they don’t, they never were.’ But my philosophy is a little different. To me, the ultimate love is freedom. It’s not releasing someone; it’s respecting their right to never be caged in the first place, never belonging to anyone but yourself. When people so desperately want out of a marriage or relationship, that implies they feel imprisoned with a need to escape. I don’t want to ever be anyone’s prison.
“Stay or go. It should always be your choice, Elsie. It doesn’t mean you can’t have love or choose to be monogamous in your sexual … endeavors.” That irresistible smile overtook his whole face.
“Are you choosing to be monogamous in your sexual endeavors?” I trapped my lower lip between my teeth.
“Yes. You leave nothing of me for other women. And somehow you’ve managed to possess my thoughts even when we’re not together.”
Love was risky.
Life was risky.