“I wasn’t going to tell her anything because it wouldn’t have mattered.”
I heard the “but” at the end of his statement and waited for the other shoe to drop. The longer he took to spit it out, the more guilt I read all over his stupid face. “So, what changed?” I finally pried, keeping my voice casual.
At least I have weed.
“Let me guess,” I drawled when he said nothing. “You fucked her too?” I felt my heart beating out of control as I waited for him to admit it.
“She kissed me.”
I balled my fists and put all my focus on not using them on my best friend. “And?”
No way that was all they’d done. Rich had stayed with her for the rest of the drive up to Denver. I just assumed they’d been playing Scrabble or something since they were both Houston’s doormats.
“We didn’t have sex.”
“So what did you do?”
“Not all of us kiss and tell. Now come the fuck on. Time to go.”
I smiled even though he’d already turned away, and it wasn’t entirely forced. “I didn’t think you had it in you.” That made him stop in his tracks. “I didn’t think you’d cheat on your wife, fuck behind your best friend, and screw over your other best friend. Good job growing some balls, man.”
“Fuck you, Loren.”
“You did, remember? You’re just mad that I didn’t want seconds.”
Rich stormed off, and I smirked as I watched him go. Maybe now he’d finally give up this dream of us being friends again. The next time I was in L.A., I’d be sure to spit on Calvin’s grave. He hadn’t been from Portland like us, hadn’t grown up with us either. We didn’t owe him shit.
Sometime around one in the morning, I moseyed back over to where the buses were parked. Even high as fuck, I still noticed one missing.
Best couple of grand I’d ever spent.I woke up much earlier than I liked for a Saturday morning. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to the rocking of the bus that told me when we were back on the road. I didn’t leave the stateroom last night even after Loren made his presence loud and clear. I didn’t want to allow him to take his anger out on me—even if it wasn’t entirely misplaced. Guilt didn’t mean I had to be his punching bag.
By now, he and Houston probably knew what I’d done with Rich. I didn’t think that Rich would kiss and tell, but something had tipped them off. It was hard not to remember the thrill of Rich fucking my mouth and the power I felt when pleasing him.
Some have a natural instinct for sex. Some need to be taught to let go. The rest spend their entire lives fucking and never quite get it.
Anyone who knew what to look for would see right through me.
I’d been taught that sex outside of the marriage bed was a sin for which there could be no forgiveness. It contradicted the teachings of a merciful God, but my parents had been adamant. I’d burn in hell for all of eternity.
Whore.
Sinner.
Doomed.
How else could I rationalize dropping to my knees for Rich less than a day after spreading my legs for Houston?
I loved every moment.
Being with Houston and Rich had bared more than just my body. I hadn’t felt free until I let them touch me, hold me…use me. I had an agenda when I agreed to do this tour, and now there was something in it for me.
If I truly had a sickness, I hoped I never found a cure.
This time I wouldn’t be left alone. The three rock stars sleeping on the other side of the door wouldn’t use my body and then blame me for enticing them. They wouldn’t run into the light and beg for salvation. Houston, Loren, and Jericho had no interest in being saved. It was in the darkness that they thrived.
My thoughts were too chaotic to lull me back to sleep, so I dragged myself from the bed and relieved my bladder. With only one eye barely open, I shuffled out of the bedroom as quietly as I could. The last thing I wanted was to wake the prom queens. The windowless bunk area was still dark despite it being morning and filled with the loud snores of a slumbering bear.
Rich.
Now that I was back on the island, I planned to invest in a pair of noise-canceling headphones. Otherwise, I had a year of sleepless nights ahead of me.
I made it three more steps before I was stopped by a muscled arm lined with thick veins that shot out and blocked my path. The passage was narrow and the arm long enough for the strong, talented fingers to connect with my empty bunk. Staring back at me were eyes so dark that in the shadows of his bunk, I could only feel Loren watching me.