I refused to let him see that he was getting to me. Everything he’d just said was everything I feared. “You might be right, but you’re also the only one who forced me to listen to him as he fucked someone else.”
In his eyes, I saw his guilt and the acceptance that he’d screwed our chance before we ever knew we wanted it before he pushed me away.
I stumbled, but then gentle hands helped me find my balance. I knew they belonged to Rich. I wanted to pull away and hated myself for letting the seeds Loren planted grow. What if he wasn’t just screwing with my head?
Feeling my stomach roil like a storm at sea, I pulled away from Rich’s touch just as Loren turned back in the direction of the car. We had no choice but to follow.
I’d lost my appetite too.
None of us spoke during the drive back to the bus. There was no handholding, kisses, or secret touches. Houston didn’t look at me, not even to make me squirm. Rich, on the other hand, couldn’t stop watching me as if he expected me to shatter at any moment.
Maybe I would.
Loren’s anger and accusations filled me with bitterness and insecurity until I slowly came to my senses.
I could never have all three of them. I didn’t factor in Loren’s volatility, Houston’s mistrust, and the secrets Rich was apparently keeping. Feeling the wonderful ache between my legs, I conceded that the day hadn’t been all bad. It had been great until Loren ruined it by being a brat.
I was even willing to shoulder some of the blame.
Seducing them was the easy part. What happens in the unlikely event that sex is no longer enough? What if I fell for one of them or worse…all of them? What. Happens. Then?
The only thing messier than sex was feelings.
Do I ask three men used to playing dirty to share me? How would I convince them? How would I convince myself? I’m not sure many women would jump at the chance.
In theory, my body reacted in favor of it.
Reality, however, was a judgmental bitch.
I tried putting myself in Rich’s shoes after hearing that I wasn’t complete with only him. He’d try just to please me until it shattered him completely. Loren gave me the strong suspicion that he’d been an only child. He’s never had to share before. Why should he start now?
And then there was Houston.
Morrow suffered a complex that told him he must control what he could possess and eclipse anything he couldn’t. Hoping he’d claim me while allowing his friends to stake their piece was a fool’s dream.
Making the sensible choice wasn’t something I was used to.
I gave up my innocence, knowing what it meant for my soul. I left home accepting that I may never fit in. I joined Bound, knowing that my bandmates hated me. I’ve filled my existence with challenges. They gave me purpose, a reason to keep fighting until the bloody end, and a distraction from the knowledge that nothing was waiting on the other side. I could live now and forget it all later.
Once again, defiance was staring me in the eye, waiting for me to pick up the gauntlet. I learned Bound’s music. I earned their respect and monopolized their desires.
But I couldn’t do this.
I couldn’t do what Oni had hoped when she chose me. All I’d end up doing was piling my broken pieces on top of theirs. Pain was all I had to offer Bound. That and my guitar.“You won,” Braxton said to me the moment we were back on the bus.
Loren, Rich, and I crowded the door because she hadn’t allowed us a step further. She stood there with her head high and shoulders back, but it was the coldness in her eyes that bothered me. Braxton looked at us as if I’d never been inside her, as if she’d never felt Loren’s touch, and her clothes weren’t torn from fucking Rich mere hours ago.
She even bore all of our marks.
Staring at the spot where mine was starting to fade, I forced myself to stay put. No question she wouldn’t welcome my mouth on her right now.
“What are you talking about?” Loren demanded. He shoved past me to get closer to Brax as if he could stop her from saying or doing whatever came next.
“From this point forward, I’d like to keep it about the music.”
Loren stilled while Rich shifted next to me. My reaction was also nonverbal. I let my suspicion show as I regarded Braxton. I never took her for a schemer. It had to be a ploy to get us under heel because the only alternative was that she was completely fucking serious.
“When has it not been about the music?” Loren pushed through gritted teeth. Brows dipped and nostrils flaring, his breathing turned heavy from the exertion not to grab Brax and shake her until she was pliant. He’d calmed down on the drive home and even looked like he wanted to take it all back. He didn’t count on Braxton deciding for everyone that it was too late.