“I—I’m not sure I should answer that.”
What?
“Don’t you think I need to know?”
“No, baby girl. I don’t.”
“Why not?” I barked and drew the attention of the couple sitting at the next table. “Was it money? Is that why you killed him?”
Normally, he would berate me for the disrespect, but he only sighed. “If anyone deserves a chance to go to college and have a better life, it’s you. Money shouldn’t stand in the way of that.”
“Dad, I would never have wanted you to sacrifice your freedom orkill your friendfor me.”
Something in Daddy’s eyes changed, and when he spoke, I didn’t recognize him. “Art wasn’t my friend. I learned that the hard way and I dealt with it,” he claimed icily.
“Why would you say that?”
He shook his head. “You aren’t to blame for my decisions. I don’t regret it and neither will you.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“Maybe not. But it’s the only one I can offer you.”
“Well, it’s too late. I already regret it, and I already feel responsible. What if they give you life? You won’t be there to see me graduate. You won’t walk me down the aisle. You won’t meet your grandchildren. You’re not supposed to be in here. You’re supposed to be free.” I dropped the broken shield, and for the second time since they took him away, I cried.
He tried to offer a smile and failed, but just like the fighter he is, he tried again. This time, his full lips lifted into an easy smile.
I only wished it had reached his eyes.Chapter OneSome mistakes aren’t worth the lesson.
MIAN
One Year LaterI took onelast pass at my hair with the flat iron and topped my primping off with a single coating of strawberry lip-gloss. After careful inspection for my best friend’s benefit, I swapped making kissy faces at the mirror for a nice eye roll.
“I can’t believe you’re really going to go out with him,” Erin squealed. She’s been my best friend since the sandbox and claims she’sMarilyn Monroe reincarnated.
“What’s not to believe?” I faked being insulted since the truth was more likely to lead to an argument and an hour of “I don’t get you, Mian.”
The truth? I was already rethinking this date.
“Because this isn’t like you. He’s a senior…” She then emphasized, “…incollege,” as if I wasn’t already aware.
“We’re just going to grab dinner and catch a movie. We’re not getting hitched.”
“He’s the quarterback at Weston and his family’s loaded and powerful.” There was peaceful silence, but I didn’t bask. My count made it to five. “You should let him fuck you.” She then dramatically groaned to make her frustration obvious. “I don’t even know why you’re hanging on to your v-card.” Her face twisted, and for a second, I thought I was the one trying to sell my body for mediocre fame. “I know you’re a romantic or whatever, but theoneprobably won’t come around for another ten years or so. You might as well give it up now so you’re already experienced if he does.”
I stared until she turned away to fix her already perfect hair in the mirror. I tried but couldn’t think of a response that wouldn’t end our twelve-year friendship. Erin had always been reckless and self-destructive, and sometimes, I believed corrupting me was her one true goal in life.
“I’m not holding on to anything,” I corrected. “I’m just not willing to jump into bed with any willing guy.”
“Guys, Mian.” And then she elaborated. “You’re hot which means they’reallwilling.”
“That doesn’t mean I have to be.”
“Ugh. You’re so stuck up,” she whined. “So, what are you going to wear?”
I nodded to the jeans and blouse I had thrown on top of my bed and took one last look in the mirror. I was happy to skirt that ‘stuck-up’ comment. My father always taught me to make smart choices in life despite his. Erin didn’t know my father’s hopes were all I had of what he had left behind. Making them a reality was the only way I felt close to him.
“No, you are not wearing that. That’s not even sexy!” The red was about as racy and sexy as I was willing to go. I wasn’t committed to this date, but I was willing to play the part to get her off my back.
“I’m not planning to jump into bed with him.”
“But that doesn’t mean you don’t have to play the part,” she argued. Erin and I may not stay on the same page, but we somehow read each other well.
“What part is that, Erin?” I couldn’t keep the bite out of my tone if I tried. We were polar opposites. Our friendship didn’t make sense, but it held on.
“The part that says, ‘I’m not a total bore.’ You used to be spontaneous and sexy. Ever since your father got knocked, it’s like you lost your sense of humor. Life is still worth living, you know?” I watched her pick up the snow globe my father gave me on the first anniversary of my mother’s death when I was too afraid to admit how much I missed her. She carelessly shook it and then turned her nose up at it as if it wasn’t the most important something to me.