Zero Regret (Lost Kings MC 13)

I raise an eyebrow. “Are you?”

“Does it hinder my plans a little? Sure, but I want her to be happy.”

So many questions form in my mind. I don’t think I could get them all out before Lilly returns. Even if I could, my pride won’t let me. I don’t want to beg some other man for information about my woman.

“Lilly said she’s moving a couple hours south with you?” he asks.

“Yup.”

“That’s good.” His gaze shifts in the direction Lilly disappeared. “You’ll be there to watch out for her.”

My curiosity overrules my pride. “What kind of doctor are you, anyway, Ted?” Somehow the subject hadn’t come up all night.

“Emergency room.”

“That’s how you met Lilly?”

He hesitates and then nods.

“Was she in an accident?” The more I’ve thought about it the more unlikely it seems the woman I know could have tried to kill herself. So maybe it was an accident she caused and feels guilty about?

His eyes widen for the briefest second before his face settles into something more indifferent. “Not really.”

“Meaning?”

“Come on, Z. You know I can’t discuss stuff like that.” He’s not saying it to be a dick. The guy actually seems stressed he can’t share. I’d like to say I respect him for keeping Lilly’s confidences, upholding his doctor oath and all that bullshit, but at the moment it’s making my life difficult.

“She said she discovered she was pregnant out there.”

He leans forward and takes a sip of water and finally meets my eyes. “She loves her son more than anything.”

There’s a lump in my throat that makes it hard to respond. “I know she does.”

Both of us turn and notice Lilly approaching the table. She stops to talk to our waitress and Ted taps my hand. “She’d never give me details and I don’t know if she ever discussed it with her therapist…afterward. But something forced her to leave here.”

For a while I figured that something was me, but given everything Lilly’s said since she returned, that theory makes no sense.

“But she only came back because her dad was in the hospital.”

He snorts and shakes his head. “I doubt it.”

“Oh good, neither of you are bleeding.” Lilly’s cheerful voice interrupts us.

Time’s up. If I want more information, I’ll have to shake it straight out of the source.

Chapter Ten

Z

“Did you have to be so mean to Ted?” Lilly teases on the way home.

“Mean? I thought I was a delight.”

She laughs so hard she has to fight to catch her breath. “You’re an MC president now, you can’t say things like, ‘delight.’”

“Babe, I can say anything I want.”

More than ever I need to have that conversation with Lilly.

“Wait.” Lilly taps my arm. “You missed the turn for Alex’s place.”

“No, I didn’t. Chance is staying with Alex tonight.”

“What? When did you—”

“You and I need to talk.”

“Z,” she protests. “You should’ve told me.”

“But then you would’ve tried to talk your way out of it.”

“No, I wouldn’t. I shouldn’t impose on my brother—”

I reach over and grab her hand. “It was the most civil conversation we’ve had.”

“Well, I guess that’s good,” she grumbles and yanks her hand away from me and crosses her arms over her chest. She turns and stares out the window and we both fall silent.

Space and distance. I’ll give her those for now. Once we get to the house, I’m going to hit her hard and fast with the questions I know damn well she doesn’t want to answer.

For the next few miles, I absorb the silence and prepare myself for the fight ahead of us.

Lilly

I’m going to throw up.

Between Z running back and forth from the downstate club and me preparing for the move, we haven’t had a lot of time to sit down and have a heart-to-heart.

Or to dredge up every one of my nightmares from the last few years.

I kind of hoped Z would forget and we could skip this.

Wishful, foolish thinking.

By the time he pulls into the driveway I’m shaking uncontrollably.

“Lilly, we’re home.”

“Not home anymore,” I whisper.

“Anywhere I’m with you is home.” He steps out of the car before I can respond and opens my door a few seconds later. “Come on.” He holds his hand out and I take it. As I step out of the car, he pulls me against his chest and slides his hand down my back and over my ass. “You look so fucking hot tonight.”

I lean up and kiss his cheek, then whisper in his ear. “So do you.”

In response, he growls low in his throat. “Don’t try to distract me, woman.”

“You started it.”

“March your ass inside that house.”

Maybe it’s the lovingly cocky way he says it, but I’m more turned on than annoyed with the command.

Inside the house, I walk directly into the kitchen and flip the burner on under my tea kettle. Z stands in the doorway watching me.

Neither of us seem to know where to take the conversation.

“Do you want some tea?”

“I’m fine.” He comes closer and pours a glass of water. “Meet me in the living room when you’re done.”

I take so long that he finally calls out to me. “Come on, Lilly.”

My tea is still too hot to drink, but at least the cup warms my hands, even if my insides are turning to ice.

Sitting next to him, I tuck one foot under me and wait. He sets the tea on the coffee table and takes my hand.

“Tell me about this.” He traces his finger down my arm.

“I already told you.”

He laughs softly. “Nice try, pretty girl. You didn’t tell me a damn thing.”

I bristle from the accusation, even though he’s right. It annoys me that he insists on worming his way into my personal, private hell.

“There are some things I’d like to keep to myself,” I whisper.

His features soften, almost twisting in pain. “Not this, Lilly. I need to know.”

“I’m not going to do it again.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.”

We sit there locked into a battle of wills that I already know I’m going to lose. Because of Chance, I owe Z the truth.

Fear and panic claw at my throat, stealing my words. As if my brain knows I’m about to betray all my secrets and is signaling my body to revolt.

I’m in charge.

Deep breath.

I can do this.

Z’s incredibly patient while inside I’m at war. I unburdened myself in California. I had to at the time. But those people didn’t care about me. They didn’t know me before. I was nothing more than a job.

I don’t want to burden Z with this pain.

And just like back then, I’m afraid of what he’ll do when he finds out. Afraid of the trouble he’ll get himself into because of me.

I’d never forgive myself.

Chapter Eleven

Z

“We’ve got all night, Lilly.” It’s not a threat. I want her to understand that I’m here. Waiting and ready for whatever she has to tell me.

She swallows hard and meets my eyes for a brief second. The pulse at her neck is jumping and she seems to be having trouble breathing.

“Come here.” I pull her into my arms. “Easy. Just breathe. Nothing you have to tell me will ever push me away.”

She sniffles and nods. After a few seconds, she seems to pull herself together. Resilient and brave, that’s how I’ve always seen Lilly. Strong. That’s what I was trying to make her understand by giving her the pendant earlier.

As if she heard me, she reaches up and traces her fingers over the mermaid at her throat.

“After Rock and Hope’s wedding…when we said we were going to—”

“Move in together?” I finish for her, because fuck, that was a big step for me and the way things went down afterward still stings.

“Yes.” She runs her hands over her legs a few times and blows out a breath. “The next day at work, I got assigned a special project, which meant long hours for me. That was unusual at that time of year because the legislature isn’t in session, but I was flattered to get the assignment.”