My hands curl into fists. I can’t stop it. I’m so angry. At myself. At everything. “I had one similar to it on my desk at work,” I whisper.
He’s so still I can hear the crickets chirping outside.
“That…fucker,” I spit out, “gave it to me as present at a holiday party one year.”
Z remains quiet while I process the rest of my explanation into words I can actually say out loud.
I swear I still feel the pointy end poking into my neck. Not enough to injure me, unless I moved or screamed. In my peripheral vision, the bronze handle glinted under the harsh fluorescent lights.
All the shame and humiliation crashes over me in a tidal wave I’m afraid I won’t survive.
“I’m right here,” Z says. “I’ve got you, Lilly. Tell me.”
“He held it to my neck, while he…while…” I can’t breathe. My hands claw at my throat and I struggle to sit up. “‘Don’t worry. You’ll enjoy it,’ he said.” Hot tears burn down my cheeks and I furiously brush them away.
In this moment, I hate Z a little for making me remember all these sick details.
Behind me, Z’s tightly coiled body trembles with rage I can feel burning against my back. When he finally speaks, his voice is surprisingly gentle. “It’s okay. You don’t have to keep going unless you want to.”
“I can’t,” I whisper.
“It’s okay. Everything’s okay.” He wraps his arms around me and pulls me back against the pillows and holds me until I’m almost asleep.
“I want you so much,” he whispers. “Don’t ever doubt that.”
“I don’t want you to think I’m broken.”
He kisses my head. “Everyone’s a little broken, Lilly. Together, we create something stronger and better.”
“You really believe that?”
“I do.” He’s quiet for a few seconds. “I’m sorry I made you talk about it.”
“You needed to know. You deserved…answers.”
“I never wanted to hurt you to get them.”
All my remaining anger blows away. “I know.”
“Lilly?” One of his hands slides down my arm and clamps down on my hip. “I really want to make love to you.” he rasps.
Damn him. He’s going to make me cry again. While he phrased it as a statement, I hear the question in his voice. I don’t think Z’s ever asked in quite that way before. And as much as I adore the big, bossy, biker, I’m-going-to-fuck-you-now attitude he usually approaches me with, this reaches me on a much deeper level. It makes me feel cherished instead of broken.
“I’d really like that,” I whisper.
Achingly slow, he slips the strap of my tank top off my shoulder, dropping kisses along the way. He shifts his body over mine and pulls down the other strap. Ravenous, he kisses every exposed inch, catching my nipple between his teeth and tasting with swift lashes of his tongue.
I moan and arch my back, asking for more. While he’s consumed with kissing and sucking my breasts, I reach down and shimmy out of my shorts and underwear, kicking them further under the covers.
He groans in appreciation. “Slow down, Siren.” He may be trying to slow this down, draw it out, but his hands immediately work between my legs, cupping me. His fingers part my lips and he slowly strokes my clit a few times before pushing a finger inside me.
“Oh,” I sigh and roll my hips. So good.
Spearing my fingers in his hair, I drag him up for a kiss. “Please, I need you.”
His answer isn’t swift enough, so I reach down and shove his shorts down. In case he didn’t take the hint, I wrap my fingers around his heavy erection. Satin over steel. I shiver with the anticipation of how good he’s going to feel inside me.
He bites his lip and stares down at me.
“That what you want?” he rasps.
“Yes.”
“Take it.”
I press my hands against his shoulder and push. “I want to ride you.”
He quirks an eyebrow. “Yeah?”
“That’s what I want.”
Keeping his arm around my waist, he rolls to his back. “Show me how you want me.”
God, I want him like I’ve never wanted anything. So much, I can’t even put it into thoughts or words.
“Come here.” His low command spikes my desire higher.
I straddle his hips and press my hands against his chest, slowly rubbing myself over his cock, but not taking him inside me yet.
He squeezes his eyes shut. “You’re so fucking hot.”
“Too hot to look at?”
His eyes open. “I see you, Lilly. You’re my beautiful goddess above me.” His lips twitch. “I was trying to worship you.”
“Until I decided to play rodeo girl?”
“Until you got greedy.” He reaches around me and grips his cock, holding it steady for me to sink down. “Come on.”
I roll my hips one more time, loving the way he bites his lip again and groans. His magnificent muscles strain with the effort of holding back.
My legs shake as he slowly pushes inside me.
“Oh, fuck, that’s good, Lilly. Just like that.” He curls his hands around my hips, gripping me tight.
I take him deeper, watching him battle his need to hold me down and thrust up into me. Rolling my hips, I take a little more, growing slicker and hotter. I close my eyes and relish this feeling I’ve never gotten anywhere else, take pleasure in how my body responds to him.
“Lilly,” he says hoarsely. “I love your fucking pussy.”
I can’t help laughing and he groans. I take my time riding him, driving us both wild. He touches me everywhere. Possessive caresses up and down my back, over my hips, down my thighs, encouraging and exploring every inch of me.
“I’m close. So close.” He’s so thick and hard, orgasm isn’t far away.
His hands go back to my hips, not guiding or directing. More like he’s appreciating every movement.
I gasp and grind into him harder, taking everything. My legs tremble. Heat blooms over my skin. My vision blurs. A low moan pours out of me. The relief takes my breath away.
Under me, he flexes his hips, drawing out the exquisite pleasure until I can’t take any more.
“Lilly,” he rasps, his voice a warning that he’s about to lose control.
I roll my hips slower, run my hands down his chest. “What do you need, Z?” I ask in a playful tone.
“I need to empty my balls in you, woman.”
I burst out laughing and he flips me on my back, thrusting back inside so hard, I gasp. His feet dig into the mattress, fucking harder and harder. Pinned underneath him, I lift my legs, wrapping them around his waist.
He growls a savage sound and wraps an arm around one of my thighs holding me tight. All his earlier restraint shattered by his need for release. The power of his body relentlessly pounding into me, his harsh breathing, the way he’s so focused on me, all of it has me on the edge again.
My name rips from his throat and he squeezes his eyes shut. His movements slow to a deep grind as he fills me with heat. The sensation triggers me again. Together, we strain and grasp at each other.
His sweaty forehead touches mine.
“I love you,” he whispers.
“I love you too.”
Instead of pulling away, he wraps me up tighter.
“Z?”
“Hmm?”
I run my hands up and down his back, still enjoying the heavy weight of him over me.
“Am I crushing you?” he asks, opening his eyes. He groans and rolls to the side.
“No, I like it. Every time is better than the last. How is that possible?” I whisper.
His usual devilish smile makes an appearance. “You’re my magical, mythical woman. You can turn a man’s dick to stone just by looking at it.”
“Oh my God.” I flop against him and he curls his arm around me. “The stuff that comes out of your mouth.”
“You’ll never be bored.”
I flick my
tongue against his nipple and he groans. “Give me a minute to recover.”
“Recover in the shower. I’m sweaty and sticky all over.”
He glances down. “Never really had sex without a condom before you. Forgot how messy it is.” His voice falters on the last few words, as if maybe now isn’t the best time to bring up past conquests. I don’t want him to think he has to censor himself with me. I crawl up his body and straddle him again. Leaning down, I kiss his chest, swipe my tongue over his neck, and nip his earlobe.
“I like getting all messy with you,” I whisper against his ear. “Love feeling your cum inside me for hours after.”
He groans and grips my ass. “Fuck woman, what’re you trying to do to me?”
“Get you to shower with me.”