Fuck. Pressure. So much. But there’s a twinge and it starts to feel…good.
Dark, dirty, and really fucking good.
“Oh my god.” I swear I have a better vocabulary than that, but at the moment that’s the only phrase that rolls off my tongue repeatedly.
I’m so full, ready to explode.
Blood thunders through my veins. Beads of sweat roll off my forehead. My entire body is strung so tight with the need for release. My little moans and soft noises morph into screams as my body convulses with pleasure.
I collapse, but Z continues his punishing thrusts. He works a hand between our bodies to play with my clit until I’m sobbing and shaking, begging him to have mercy on me.
His fingers dig into my hips as he pumps one last time and climaxes with a shout.
He sinks his teeth into my shoulder, gently biting down. “You’re going to fucking kill me.”
I can’t catch my breath long enough to dispute it.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Z
Guilt, remorse, shame, they’re not emotions I’ve ever been in touch with. And I’m not feeling any of them after Shadow’s death. If anything, I’m relieved that we cut him out before he did more serious damage to the club or got someone killed. Maybe some small guilt prickles at me for not recognizing he was a problem sooner. But fuck, if Sway didn’t see it after years around the guy, how could I?
It’s been a while since I visited anyone in prison. Grinder’s the only member of the upstate charter who’s incarcerated. Since he got moved out of the maximum-security facility he’d been at for years, it’s easier to pay him a visit.
The Pine Correctional guards toss a few suspicious looks my way. Eventually they approve my visit and I’m shown into a small room. A few minutes later, Grinder shuffles in, shackled and cuffed. The guard at least frees his hands.
Grinder waits until the guard leaves before speaking. “Zero. It’s been a minute. How are you, brother?”
“Not bad. Waiting for you to come home, old man.”
“Shouldn’t be long now.” He coughs. “Least that’s what they tell me.”
“You all right?” What a stupid question. Of course, he isn’t. The man’s had almost two decades of his life stolen. For a crime he didn’t even commit. I have no doubt he’s committed plenty of crimes since he’s been inside. That’s just the nature of what you have to do to stay alive, but he shouldn’t have gone to prison in the first place.
“Looking forward to getting out. Probably won’t recognize anything.”
That’s true. The world’s changed a lot since he was a free man. “We’re all here for you, brother. Club will help with anything you need.”
“Not looking for any handouts, Z.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it. Can’t wait for you to come home. That’s all.”
“Haven’t seen Rock in a bit. He okay?”
“Yeah.” Rock’s twitchy with the information he shares about his personal life. Makes sense in our world. Grinder’s Lost Kings MC family, but he’s also part of a different world right now. Still, I think knowing about Rock’s family will make Grinder happy. “He and his wife just had a baby.”
He sits back. “Really? That’s good. I’m happy to hear that. How’s Teller doing?”
Interesting that was his first question.
“Good.”
“He and Murphy were coming pretty regularly to visit.”
Shit. I’ve had those two so busy between helping me out and taking care of their responsibilities upstate, they probably haven’t had a minute to spare.
“There’s been a few shakeups in the club. I’m actually running downstate while Sway’s been in the hospital.”
“Downstate?” He gives me a blank look. Downstate didn’t exist when Grinder went inside. “Right. Right.” He touches his head and grins. “Surprised Sway’s still alive. Figured Tawny would’ve shot him by now.”
I almost choke. “Yeah, we all thought so.”
“You settle down?”
“Funny you ask. Yeah.” I clear my throat and pull out a small picture the guards let me take in. All my other personal shit had to be left in a locker out in the waiting area. “Have a son too.”
“Shit.” Grinder’s eyes shine as he takes the photo. “That’s great, Z. Damn, looks just like ya.”
“Right? He’s a fun little dude. I can’t wait for you to meet him.”
He nods and hands the photo back slowly. “No matter what, you do whatever you have to do to protect ‘em, Z.”
The emotion in his voice stops me cold.
While I thought the news might cheer him up, give him stuff to look forward to, now I’m questioning my judgment. Grinder always wanted a family. Hell, he was a surrogate dad to most of us in the early days. Then he got tossed in prison, his wife left him, and all his plans for his life went up in smoke. Bragging about how well everyone’s doing seems fucking cruel now.
“It’s good to have something to look forward to, Z.” As if he knew where my mind went, he gives me a shadow of the shrewd biker smile I remember.
“You got plenty to look forward to, brother.” We talk a little longer until the guards tell us time’s up.
A heaviness I didn’t expect follows me out to the parking lot. Never felt this way after visiting a brother inside. Maybe it’s the weight of running my own club. Of wanting to do whatever it takes to keep my brothers out of prison. Or the ache of leaving a brother behind. A brother who’s already lost so much.
All the connections we’ve developed over the years have never been able to help Grinder.
Still bothered, I head North.
Not that Crystal Ball will help, but I stop there first.
The only person that could shake off my black mood today stands against the back wall, arms crossed over his chest, watching the room like he’s dying for one of the customers to step out of line so he can kick someone’s ass.
“What the fuck you doing here, brother?” I shout, slapping Rock’s shoulder.
He growls something foul at me, motions for Blue to take his spot, and jerks his head toward the front door. “The fuck you doing here?” he asks when we’re outside.
“Wanted to check on things. Talk to Dex for a minute. Never expected to see you here.”
“Dex is out. We’re short, so here I am. Wrath’s taking over for me when Furious closes.”
“Fuck, I better get out of here before he shows up. He’s liable to kill me.”
He chuckles. “Hope is supposed to stop by and have dinner with me later.”
“She mad?”
“Nah.” His mouth twitches into a smile. “She knows I’d rather be home, elbows deep in diapers, than dealing with this nonsense.”
“Some nights that can be arranged here, Prez.”
He slaps my chest. “What’s on your mind?”
“How?
??d you know?”
“You look like you’re thinking too hard.” He taps the side of my head. “Smoke’s billowing out of your ears.”
“Har, har. Went to visit Grinder. It left me with a shitty feeling, ya know?”
He’s slow in answering. “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. It’s not easy seeing him in there.”
Actually, it’s probably harder on Rock. He and Grinder went inside together. Rock got out after a few years. Grinder stayed behind. Rock almost never talks about that period of his life.
“Made the mistake of telling him about Chance. Thought it might cheer him up. Knowing there’s new blood in the family or whatever, but I think it bummed him out.”
He nods slowly. “He held onto the hope that Rosie’d be waiting for him when he got out a lot longer than most would’ve.”
“Fuck. I should’ve kept my mouth shut.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. Anything would bum him out right now. He’s been getting jerked around by the parole board for a couple years.”
“Nothing we can do?”
“Glassman’s at his wit’s end. There’s not much we can do to move them along. A charming quirk of the criminal justice system Hope tells me.”
“Something we can look into? Maybe crack some skulls?”
“With all our free time?”
“Come on, Rock.”
“I’ve tried. I haven’t brought it to the table every time because it’s depressing as fuck. But believe me, I’ve tried. I don’t want to make things worse for him, though either.”
“I hear you.” I cock my head and study him for a minute before asking my next question. “Did he know about you and, you know, your relationship to Teller?”
The question seems to throw Rock. “No.” He stops. considers the question more thoroughly. “I don’t think so. How could…who the fuck knows? Lately, if I’ve learned anything, it’s that even the impossible is possible.”
“Amen to that.”
“You didn’t tell him, did you?”
“Fuck, no. I wouldn’t talk about it with anyone but you, brother. You know that.”
“How’s everything else downstate?”
“Calmer now. With all the chaos of coming in the way I did, I don’t think I realized how fractured the club was with Shadow in the VP seat.”