Zero Apologies (Lost Kings MC 14)

“Shoving a senator’s cock down his throat would’ve still grabbed some headlines.” He smirks. “You did it the right way. Only way you could with him being under so much scrutiny.”

His gaze drops to the envelope. “What are you going to do with that?”

“I don’t know.” My fist curls, crumpling the corner of the envelope. “I feel like a fucking pussy who should just man the fuck up and read it so I know what happened. She has to live with it, so I should too.”

He nods.

“But I’m also afraid I’ll do something stupid.” My free hand curls into a fist. “And I can’t kill him again.”

“How much did she tell you herself?”

“Not much. She can’t or won’t talk about it. When she tried, it sent her into a panic attack. I don’t want to push her for no reason.”

“She have any bad reactions any other times?”

“Like, when we’re together? No, never.”

He sighs. “Maybe you should respect her wishes. Leave it alone. If she wants to tell you, let her, but if she ever finds out you read this without her knowing, she’ll feel betrayed.”

“I can’t show this to her.” A fucking letter-opener on my desk triggered her, no way would I let her read whatever’s in this envelope.

“I wouldn’t. She already knows the truth. Survived it. She doesn’t need to do it again to satisfy whatever morbid curiosity you have.”

The words sting but also hit the nail perfectly. My sick obsession to know everything so I can carry it for her is useless. Me learning the details won’t ever erase it from her memory.

“You want to put it in your safe?” He gestures toward the clubhouse. “Deal with it another time?”

That’d be an easy solution, wouldn’t it? But then I’d always have it in the back of my head. Not that anyone ever goes in my safe but what if someone else ever found it? Another thought occurs to me while I’m working this out in my head.

“You don’t seem surprised that some random dude I’ve never met before tracked me down and handed me a key piece of evidence that happens to give me a strong motive to off the senator.”

He cocks his head but, otherwise, his expression doesn’t change.

“Kind of a strange thing for some random government worker to figure out all on his own.” I scratch my head. “And to share with me that all other copies have mysteriously vanished. On the day I conveniently needed to come up here and run an errand for you.”

“What are you asking me, Angus?”

“Nothing.” Even if Rock managed to use his contacts to somehow make all this happen, he won’t tell me. “A big favor to call in. Tricky to find the right person at the right time…”

He hums an affirmative noise and shrugs. “Or maybe you ran into someone who actually owns a conscience.”

“He seemed to have strong feelings about the subject,” I agree.

He nods, then turns toward the land I had cleared to build my house. “What are you thinking?”

“Putting the building on hold for now. Priest made it clear he won’t be sending me home any time soon.”

“It can always be a vacation home for you guys.” He smirks. “But you might like something a little more secluded.”

“I’m really hating this.”

“The whole outlaw life consists of the paradox of wearing that three-piece patch on your back.” Rock’s low voice could damn near hypnotize a person.

“I guess.”

“Beholden to no one. Living outside society’s rules.” He pauses and lets out a deep sigh. “Except we’re bound by our rules. Club first. Sometimes we serve the club when we’d rather be free. On the open road, away from everyone and every responsibility.”

“That’s the dream.”

“This is the dream too. For the most part, we do live outside of normal confines. We don’t answer to anyone unless we choose to. We don’t give false respect to some asshole because we need to keep our nine-to-five, right?” He levels a harder look at me and lowers his voice. “We’re not afraid to do what needs to be done to right the wrongs society can’t. Not every man has the courage to avenge his wife.”

“Not everyone is capable of defending what they love as viciously as we do.”

“Exactly. We have a good life. After all the shit life threw at us early on, we finally have a true family. We built that.”

I swallow hard. He’s right. It’s what we talked about when we were teenagers. “We do. I trust you. I trust my brothers with everything in me.”

“Sometimes this life requires sacrifice.”

Chapter Fifty-Two

Z

As we walk back to Rock’s house, somehow a burden’s been lifted from my shoulders.

We go around to the back patio so Rock can check on a few things. “I like this.” I nod to what he’s basically turned into an outdoor kitchen. “You’ve been busy while I was away.”

He shrugs.

I tap my finger against the truck-sized grill encased in stacked-stone cabinetry and granite counters. “This thing work, or is it for showing off?”

“You expecting me to cook you breakfast or something?”

“That would be nice.” I slip the envelope out of my cut. “But I was thinking maybe more of a barbecue.”

He drills me with that steady gray stare. “You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

An hour later, the papers are nothing but blackened pieces of confetti.

“Are you grilling this early?” Hope’s soft voice reaches us before she slides the door open. “Hi, Z!” She hurries out and envelopes me in a warm hug. “What are you doing here?” She steps back and brushes her hair out of her eyes and pulls her sweatshirt around her tighter.

“Rock missed me and begged me to come up and play,” I answer with a straight face.

“Are you two going for a ride?”

“We weren’t planning to.” I glance inside at the clock. “I should probably get home.” After the day’s events, I’m itching to see Lilly. Get my hands on her. Make sure she’s happy. Do whatever I can to make her smile. “Can I say hi to Grace first?”

“Of course, you can.” She takes my hand and pulls me into the house.

Hope watches me with soft eyes while I cradle baby Grace and rock her from side to side. “I really want to see you and Lilly have more babies,” she whispers.

“Me too. Trust me, I’m trying.”

“Oh my gosh.” She covers her mouth, holding in her laughter. “How did I know you’d say something like that?”

I grin at her.

“God help Lilly,” Rock mutters.

Even though it’s me, Rock watches me closely with his daughter. “I don’t know why, but I get the feeling Grace isn’t going to grow up the pampered princess everyone expects.”

Rock’s intense expression doesn’t change. “Harsh world out there. I want her to be able to protect herself.” He meets my gaze. “But I’ll dismember anyone who hurts her.”

“Shit, maybe I need to rethink my father-in-law plans.”

Hope chuckles, not alarmed by Rock’s threat. “Hear that, Grace? Between your overprotective father and your overprotective uncles, you’ll be living with us forever.”

There’s a pang in my chest. I’d been planning for all of our kids to grow up together.

“Lilly’s supposed to bring Chance up next weekend. I hope you’re coming too?” Hope asks as if she knew where my thoughts turned.

“Probably.” I glance at Rock “We’ll see what the week brings.”

A few hours later, I’m pulling into the driveway and shutting my bike down. Felt good to be on the road but I’m damn happy to be home.

Lilly’s in

the backyard in red shorts that show off her sexy fucking legs, watching Chance and Alexa run their trucks over a freshly dug pile of dirt. “You letting them tear up my yard?” I tease as I lean down to kiss her.

“They’re having fun.”

“Where’s Heidi?” I ask when the kids get up to hug my legs.

She jerks her thumb over her shoulder. “Making babies with Murphy, I think.”

“That’s a visual I didn’t need.” I choke on my laughter. “In front of the little ones, really?”

“I’m sure they’ll hear worse.” She shrugs. “Murphy had a whole date night planned.”

“They’re definitely off making babies, then.”

“Baby?” Alexa asks peering up at me.

My chest squeezes as I squat down to pick up both kids. My son who I love with everything in me. My niece who takes up a large space in my heart and who I’d die to protect the same as anyone else in our family. “You want a little sister or brother?”

Chance and Alexa whip their heads around and stare at each other. I press a kiss to each of their little round cheeks. “I’m kidding. You guys don’t get a vote.”

Chance scowls at me while Alexa giggles and asks me to set her down.

“Uncle Z’s so mean, isn’t he, Alexa?” Lilly holds her arms out and Alexa eagerly scampers up into her lap.

Not thrilled having his mother’s attention on anyone else, Chance squirms until I set him down. He runs over and joins their party.

“You look good like that.” I lift my chin and Lilly raises her eyebrows.

“How was your day?” she asks. “Anything exciting in Empire?”

Her tone stops me in my tracks and I study her face for any signs she knows about the mystery guy I spoke to. She’s calm and smiling while she waits for me to answer.

“Hope said you stopped by,” she finally prompts

“Yeah.” I grab a chair and pull it closer to Lilly and the kids. “Went to check out the house site. Talked to Jasper and told him to put the construction on hold. Picked up a permit for the new clubhouse for Rock.” An image of the mysterious man in black materializes in my head and I shake it off. “I love you.”