Her eyes tell me that yes, yes, she does. She sits on her bed, looking up at me for an explanation. I exhale, knowing she deserves the truth but also wondering where that might leave us.
Looking around her space, I gather my thoughts. Her bedroom has been upgraded since we were kids. The narrow twin bed has been replaced with a queen. A white bedspread reminds me of her innocence and my balls ache with want for her. Her walls are pale pink and her lampshades are cream, a rug under our feet thick and soft. A far cry from my lonesome cabin.
I step toward her and when she places her fingertips on the edge of my jeans, at my belt buckle, I decide to tell it like it is, utterly and completely, because there is everything to lose in this moment and nothing to gain by holding back. She is the one I’ve always wanted. A miracle has come to Snowy Valley and brought us together.
That miracle is right now, right here. She’s mine for the taking and God, I want to take her.
But before I get that, she deserves the truth.
I swallow deeply and take her chin in my hand and I tilt it up. I wish I knew she’d wanted me all this time.
What a fucking fool I’ve been.
“When you asked me to take you to the school Christmas dance, I thought it was out of pity.”
She frowns. “No, I —”
“The hard truth was I didn’t have money for a suit, and God knows my father wouldn’t have helped. And then there’s the fact I couldn’t afford tickets, let alone to take you out to dinner.”
“But Granny and I could have —”
I cut her off again. “I know you could have. That’s why you’re so damn sweet, Maple. You’d have understood. But you gotta understand where I’m coming from. How could I explain to the girl I’d been dreaming of for nearly ten years that I couldn’t give you what I thought you deserved? I didn’t want you linked to my screwed-up life.”
She blinks back tears. “But all I wanted was to hold your hand, Filson.”
“We were kids, Maple. I was ashamed of my hard reality and there you were, the brightest star I ever saw.”
“I was crushed when you told me no, I thought there was something wrong with me.”
My heart breaks at her honesty. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I knew I messed up after you turned and walked away. But my pride got in the way. And so, I kept on pulling back until I was a distant memory for you.”
“Granny and I, we missed you.”
I run a hand over my beard, hating what I put her through. How is it some wounds never seem to heal? Maybe the healing was waiting for this moment, right here, right now.
“I have lots of regrets, Maple.” I close my eyes, still in shock that I’m standing where I am, with her. It’s the last thing I expected when I woke this morning.
“I don’t want any regrets tonight,” she whispers, looking at me all dewy-eyed, hope still lingering on her lips, in the space between us.
I lean down and kiss her, our bodies moving to the bed, our hands roaming to those places that have always been off-limits until right now. “Neither do I, Maple St. Claire. Neither do I.”MapleThe thing about finally being with my lifelong crush is that it’s even more perfect than I could have imagined. All those long, lonely nights leading up to this moment could not have prepared me for the reality.
I’ve stayed a virgin all my life, but it was always because in my heart no man could even roughly compare to Filson Barre. He may be rugged and reserved, but he is also ridiculously sexy. And now, here he is. In my bed.
He didn’t reject me because something was wrong with me.
He turned me down because he didn’t know how to say yes.
Now though, we’re older. Wiser. And I have literally nothing left to lose. Everything is about to go down in flames… We might as well enjoy the heat this house has to offer while it’s still mine.
“God, you’re perfect,” he murmurs leaning over me. His beard tickles my cheeks and I revel in the sensation of being this close to another human. To this particular human. Filson.
Tonight, he is mine.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” I tell him as he kisses my neck, his hands running through my hair. I’m intoxicated by his kisses, my skin hot and prickly, and we are both still fully dressed. “I need to see you,” I whisper. “All of you.”
Filson looks down at me and I feel him. His thick shaft against my belly. His breath against my ear. I whimper involuntarily.
“Then let me give you what you need. No more noes. Today, only yeses.”