Kissmas Wishes (Love In All Seasons 3)

“It is special,” she says, insisting on it, but I can hardly focus. I certainly can't hear her. Sammy's barking, angry that we’re arguing, and I don’t blame her. I feel like howling myself.

“Just not special enough to be honest with me.”

“I didn’t know how to tell you.”

I feel beat up — there is a reason I stick to the wood; why I’m a self-declared Grinch — because I can’t get hurt when I’m alone.

“I brought you a Christmas tree, it’s outside. So, Merry Christmas, Maple.”

“Just like that?” she asks, her voice cracking. “You're not even going to stay here and hear me out?”

“What do you have to say?” I ask her. “You asked me to come fix up your house so you could get it ready to sell. You could have told me that any time over the last three weeks. I was doing this for you, not to add market value to your granny’s property.”

With that, I call for Sammy and head to my truck. I’ve been lied to enough in my life — I won’t stand here and let Maple break my heart. Truth is, she’s already broken it.MapleThe moment Filson drives away, I know I've made a huge mistake. The mistake I’ve been headed towards for the last three weeks. I groan as I watch him leave, his cute dog, Sammy, looking out through the back window of the cab.

If I have any hope of a future with this man, he needs to know everything. The whole story start to finish, and my embarrassment shouldn't keep me from telling him the truth. But somehow it was easier to tell Jody and Isaiah, even Shirley Matters, the reality of the situation. Somehow explaining the situation to Filson — the person whose respect I most desire— was too hard. And now I am left with nothing but regret.

Shame courses through me and I wonder how long I'll feel this way like I’m teetering on the edge of good enough. I wish I was enough right now for him.

I blink back tears and close the front door. The Christmas tree is left forgotten on the front porch. I hear Shirley walking back into the living room and I wipe my eyes quickly and spin to face her, knowing that I can't change what just happened. That is a part of our story now whether we like it or not.

I’ll just have to figure out a way to explain. I’m scared though because when he left the house, it didn’t look like he was very interested in an explanation.

“Well, that was an unexpected visit,” Shirley says primly, holding the phone she's been using to snap pictures of the house.

“Right. Sorry about that. Uh, Filson and I, well, he's been here helping me fix up the house.”

“Well, he's done a fantastic job. It looks in tip-top shape. I'm sure we can find a buyer in no time.”

“Well, that's great too because honestly, I have to sell by New Year’s Day.”

“I really wish you’d called sooner,” Shirley says.

I wanted to; I think. But then I would come home and see Filson on his back, under the kitchen counter fixing the pipes and I would have this deep longing for things to stay just like this. Forever. The only reason I called Shirley this morning was that the bank left a threatening voicemail.

I know my clock is ticking. And living in denial isn’t going to help anyone.

“That means we're gonna need a cash offer. Someone who's willing to close quickly. Ideally, we’ll find a buyer who isn't going to require an inspection.”

“There are buyers who won't request an inspection?” I ask doubtfully.

“Well, yes. Snowy Valley is a tourist town. And this house is on Jingle Bell Lane. And sure, it’s a little rundown, but Filson did a lot of improvements. And the gingerbread trim on the front of the house along with the big porch… well, it makes it just a peach of a place. I think I can get this on the market and get it right back off.”

Even if we can't close by New Year’s, I think if everything is in writing that maybe the bank might be forgiving. Or maybe that's just hopeful thinking.

“Do you think I can get a fair price for the place?” I ask.

“Sadly, the market has been down the last year and a half or so, which isn't ideal but if you want to sell quickly, we’re going to have to list this place aggressively.”

My heart sinks. “Meaning low?”

She nods. “I think with what you owe on it and the market value, you can still come out ahead with a few thousand dollars.”

A few thousand dollars won’t be enough to float the soup kitchen. But it will cover a month or two of rent while I find a new job.