It didn’t look like nothing. He gazed at her. The soft swell of her belly was bigger now, the secret within her starting to show. Bared like this she was so beautiful, but so very vulnerable.
‘You’re sore?’ He carefully placed his palm just below hers and caressed the curve of her belly. Her skin was so soft and warm he went all the more gently. But mid-sweep he felt a jab against his palm. He stilled and held his palm firm and felt it again—the smallest of punches. It hit him with stupefying power. He glanced up and intercepted her wide-eyed gaze.
‘You can feel that?’ she breathed.
His throat completely constricted, so he merely nodded mutely.
‘It’s like this at this time. I think it’s got day and night mixed up.’ She still whispered, as if afraid speaking would silence the tiny communication.
It? Their baby? Another punch felled those walls that had barely begun their rebuild within him. He was feeling their baby. It was here. Alive and kicking.
He licked his lips and struggled to get his brain back. ‘Does it hurt?’
‘Not at all.’
‘It’s...’ He didn’t know what it was. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what he was feeling.
‘Like something out of a sci-fi movie,’ she whispered with a chuckle.
She jolted a smile from him—he could never hold back a smile when she laughed.
‘It doesn’t seem real, does it?’ she whispered.
He shook his head. But it was. Real.
He pulled his hand away and motioned for her to get back into bed with him. He held her gently and listened to her breathing, hearing the change as she relaxed and drifted back to sleep. No such bliss for him. Adrenalin coursed through his body. There was a baby on its way. Stupid, but while he’d known that, he’d not really believed it. He’d not felt it—not literally, like just now. But not inside himself either. Now the fact hit him as if he were being buried in a box by a load of wet cement—he was going to be a father.
And he had no idea how he was going to do that. All he knew was that he didn’t want to be like his father. Or even his grandfather—unable to communicate. He never wanted his child to hold in a bottomless well of hurt the way he had.
He wasn’t ready. He’d never be ready. In fact, he didn’t want this at all.
He didn’t want the responsibility of his child’s happiness weighing on him. He couldn’t handle Leah’s either. She had her own loves and passions and she should fulfil her own dreams. He couldn’t bear it if she ended up resenting him...he never should have tied her to him. Yet he couldn’t fight that need curling within him to claim them both, protect them both—
Panic pushed his ‘problem-solve’ button, but the only possible option he could come up with was his original plan. They shouldn’t live together. He could ensure their safety and financial security best if he was away from them. He couldn’t live with them both and let them down. He couldn’t live with himself if he did that—especially not now he knew her so well. She deserved better than the little he could provide emotionally and he couldn’t stand to see disappointment or disillusionment build in her eyes because of what he lacked. He’d never be able to meet their greatest, deepest needs.
Distance simply had to be restored. Except, at the thought, regret like nothing he’d ever known rose within him.
But Theo was used to holding himself together and doing what was necessary. And this was necessary.
* * *
Leah woke and found herself alone again. Her heart dropped—she hated waking without him. The yearning inside was for more than his touch now; she wanted him to open up to her more. To share more of himself. The hurt he’d faced broke her heart. She’d hardly been able to breathe as he’d told her. And all she’d been able to do was listen, then to hold him. He didn’t realise what he gave. Or how much more she wanted.
She found him pacing out by the pool. Her steps slowed as she saw he was already dressed. He looked too smart in his suit and with a remote expression in his eyes. A shard of glass pierced her heart. She knew what he was about to say.
‘We need to go back to Athens.’
And there it was. She looked at him and then back at the view towards the mountain behind him. ‘Okay.’
Disappointment bloomed within her chest.
‘It’s work—’
‘It’s okay,’ she repeated.
She didn’t want him to explain or try to make excuses. This was the reality and she shouldn’t expect more from him. But the last few days had been so lovely—not just their time in Delphi, but leading up to the wedding. She’d had snatches of a future—of dreams and hope for happiness with him.
‘I need to work, Leah.’
‘Why?’ Anger took over the hurt. ‘You’re supposed to be on your honeymoon.’
‘I’m responsible for a lot of people. I can’t let them down.’
‘Of course.’ It was that loyalty and sense of duty again. The relentless drive to do what was right for everyone but himself. ‘And you tell me I seek approval too much.’ She couldn’t hold back the bitter twist to her lips.
‘This isn’t about seeking anyone’s approval—this is about other people’s livelihoods.’
‘It’s always about other people, isn’t it, Theo?’ She looked at him. ‘What about you?’
He looked at her. ‘You don’t need to worry about me.’
‘No, you wouldn’t want that, would you?’ she said. ‘Someone to worry about you. Someone to care.’
‘I can look after myself, Leah.’
And that was the way he liked it?
He felt duty to many people and for her no more than any other. But she rebelled at that thought. There was more between them than mere sex now and she was sure he felt it too. Yesterday had been the most magical day. She wanted that Theo back—the one who’d let her in. But he’d shut down when he’d felt the baby move. He’d tried to hide it, but he couldn’t. He’d not touched her properly since and not talked to her either. Fatherhood was a duty that he was determined to fulfil, but that was all. He didn’t actually want it.
* * *
‘You’re back sooner than I thought,’ Dimitri greeted them when they landed back at the compound. ‘I have a present for you.’ He led the way inside, clapping his hands together in almost childlike excitement.
Leah stared. A huge photo of Theo and her from their wedding now hun
g in pride of place in the centre of that collection of Savas portraits. Leah was aghast.
It was an arty shot, filtered with black and white, but somehow they’d coloured in the silver of her dress...the techniques made her look ethereal and so staggeringly glamorous she couldn’t quite believe it was her. And with his sharp suit and solemn visage, Theo looked like a fallen angel. But the appalling thing was their pose—while Theo was staring straight into the camera, her face was turned towards him. She was smiling at him and there was heavenly adoration in her eyes and there was no hiding it from anyone who bothered to look. She didn’t want to see Theo’s reaction yet she couldn’t stop herself staring as he studied the picture. He didn’t break that remote countenance and he didn’t say a word.
Disconcerted, she glanced at Dimitri and saw the satisfaction in his eyes as he surveyed the portrait. This was what the old man had wanted, wasn’t it? Someone to love his grandson. What he didn’t realise was that it wasn’t enough. Theo had to want that love. And he didn’t.
She hated disappointing Dimitri almost as much as Theo did. She could understand why he worked so hard to keep the man happy. But the same was true in reverse. Dimitri would do anything for Theo. He was desperate to see him happy and content. They loved each other but they were too lacking in communication skills to admit it. And Theo lacked the trust to be vulnerable enough to share the truth of the past.
So she forced on a smile and faced Dimitri. ‘It’s beautiful, Dimitri. Thank you.’
He patted her arm and walked through to the lounge, leaving them alone.
‘I need to get to the office,’ Theo muttered.
‘Theo?’ It was that huskiness that compelled her to follow him. She followed him out to his car, pushed past the embarrassment of that portrait. ‘Don’t go.’