He stopped walking. His broad shoulders tensed as he pivoted to face her. He didn’t want to have this conversation? Nor did she. But suddenly it was imperative. Somehow she had the courage. She was done hiding.
‘Leah—’
‘You don’t have to go today. You’re choosing to. Don’t avoid me, Theo.’ It was so obvious he was. Just as he avoided Dimitri.
‘It’s not you, Leah.’
Of course it was. Yes, they had some issues but they could handle them, couldn’t they? But not if he left. Not if he chose to shut her out again. She’d thought they’d really communicated, that he’d really felt something for her...but then he’d felt the baby and she was scared it had all become too real for him.
‘You know what?’ She drew in a breath of determination. ‘I’m not the same woman you met that night in London. I’ve got more confident. I’m not afraid to wear the colours I like. To say what I really think. To do whatever it is I want. You know why? Because just that once, you picked me. And that made me realise other people might like me too...and that it actually doesn’t matter if they don’t. It’s okay not to please everyone.’ She stepped closer to him. ‘You saw me, Theo, and you’ve believed in me ever since. You’ve listened to me up till now—please keep listening.’
‘Leah—’
‘You can’t hide that hurt in there for ever.’
An impatient expression flashed in his eyes. ‘I knew I shouldn’t have—’
‘What? Talked to me? What’s wrong with opening up to someone? Is it really that awful?’ For him, that rejection had run so deep. ‘I know you never wanted to marry anyone. I know you were just keeping Dimitri happy when you said you’d meet those women. You weren’t intending on going through with any seriously. I know you think you don’t want children. You only married me because it was the right thing to do.’
‘You claim to know so much, yet you won’t accept what I’m incapable of,’ he growled at her. ‘You need to understand that I cannot be anything more than what I am.’ His hands shook at his sides before he clenched them into fists. ‘I’m an emotional failure. I couldn’t give my mother what she needed. I couldn’t meet Dimitri’s requirements. I can’t meet yours.’
‘What requirements do you think I have?’ she asked him, desperately trying to understand what he thought she wanted of him. ‘I’m in love with you, Theo. And you know that. That’s why you’re shutting me out now.’
‘No.’ He tensed and backed away from her, shaking his head in pure denial. ‘You might think you’re in love with me. But you’re not.’
He didn’t believe her? His doubt slammed her momentum to a halt.
‘I shouldn’t have slept with you again.’ Turning away, he shakily ruffled a hand through his hair.
She was appalled. ‘You think you’ve been trifling with my emotions?’ Did he not accept how real this was?
‘Of course I have. You’ve not had...’
‘Any other lovers?’ she finished for him. ‘No, I haven’t. But that doesn’t make me an idiot, Theo. Don’t treat me like someone who doesn’t know her own mind, her own body, her own feelings.’
He closed his eyes momentarily. ‘Even if you mean them, I can’t carry that burden.’
‘It’s a gift,’ she pleaded with him to understand. ‘Not a life sentence. It’s light. Love, laughter, support.’
‘No, it’s not. You cannot deny there’s a responsibility on me. On my actions. I need to be careful because you’re vulnerable.’
‘All you have to do is act like a human. Not be cruel. You don’t have to love me back.’
‘Good, because I can’t return those feelings. Not ever.’
She flinched. His words hit her heart like burning-hot bullets. Was it only her? Or was it anybody who tried to get close who he pushed away?
‘I know you don’t want to be hurt,’ she said to him again, softly—more hesitant now. ‘I’m so sorry your parents were unhappy, but that wasn’t your fault.’
‘How can you say that?’ he roared. ‘They were only together because of me. They fought because of me. He died because of me.’
‘They were adults. They made choices. It was never you.’
‘Of course it was me.’ He rolled his shoulders. ‘She never wanted me.’ He glanced at her. ‘And that’s okay. Look at me properly, Leah—do I look like someone who’s struggling? I’m fine. I’m happy. I like my life as it is and I don’t need you—’ He broke off, his breathing sharp.
She shook her head, refusing to believe his rejection. ‘You told me it wasn’t my fault I couldn’t live up to my parents’ expectations. Why isn’t it the same for you? Why take the blame for their incompatibility? You were the innocent. You’re not responsible for everyone and everything. It’s not down to you to protect us all—not this baby, not Dimitri, not me.’ She gazed at him. ‘Maybe it’s just fate? Maybe we just lucked out with the parent thing. But you know what? We can’t change it—we can only accept it. And we have to appreciate what’s really good. We’re good, Theo. You and me. And I’m not going to raise this baby the way my mother raised me. We’re not them, Theo.’
‘No. And I know you’ll be a wonderful mother. But I’m still not capable of being what you want, Leah.’
‘You already are what I want. Just as you are.’
He jerked his head and his gaze dropped. ‘I can’t give your baby—’
His voice cracked.
‘Our baby,’ she whispered.
‘Stop,’ he snapped, fury unleashed. ‘Just stop. I have tried, Leah. But this? It’s never going to happen. You ask too much.’
She stared at him. He meant it, he really meant it. And she suddenly knew there was nothing she could say to change his mind. He didn’t think he could be enough for her.
‘I get that you don’t want this from me.’ She breathed carefully so she could still speak. ‘But you should talk to Dimitri, Theo. You should be as honest with him. Because you do love him.’
She might’ve been wrong to read anything more into their relationship, but she was certain about that.
‘I can’t.’ His chest rapidly rose and fell and he spun away from her, yanking open the car door. ‘I have to go.’
Leah stood still as his car roared off into the distance, shocked by the rejection buffeting her soul. She’d pushed him too far—asked for things he’d never wanted to give. Or at least, not to her. Should she just have done as he wanted, without saying anything? Should she have stayed silent and kept it all in?
No. That was what he did and look how well that worked.
Her invisibility was ended and the bittersweet irony was because that was thanks to him. He’d turned her life upside down all those months ago. But those changes had begun from that one magical night. He’d injected a confidence within her and she’d held that memory close. It had been like a bubble inflating her heart. And while he’d just stomped on it, it wasn’t going anywhere. She wouldn’t let his rejection destroy her; she wouldn’t revert to the person she’d been before meeting him.
She’d come too far. And what she’d asked for hadn’t been too much. It hadn’t been anything more than she deserved. It was what everyone deserved—to be loved, wholly and completely and unconditionally. For a few magical moments he’d made her feel as if she could have it all. They were good together in so many ways. But he was under no obligation to give her anything more than what he’d originally offered...if he didn’t care for her. He didn’t. But her heart ached, her whole body ached...because she so badly wanted to believe he did.
She desperately wanted to run away, but she refused to. She wasn’t doing that to her baby. Nor to Dimitri. Not even to Theo. None of them deserved that. They all—including her—deserved a family. And they’d make one—though it might not end up being particularly conventional. She’d do everything she could to ensure her child received love from
both its parents. Because he would love this baby, she knew he would, even if he couldn’t yet believe that of himself.
But she had to cope with her own heartbreak too. She had to get away from him to do that. The only solution she could see was for her to go to his island holiday home as he’d suggested from the start. Theo could work in Athens, keep an eye on Dimitri and whatever else he needed and she could avoid him.
It wasn’t his fault he hadn’t fallen in love with her the way she had with him. But she couldn’t stand to stay another night with him. She certainly couldn’t sleep with him again. That would destroy her. And she couldn’t trust herself around him. He couldn’t have absolutely everything from her because she did deserve more.
To preserve herself, she had to leave now.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THEO ROLLED HIS shoulders as he walked across the terrace. Dimitri was sitting by the pool, with a pile of reading material on the table beside him and one of Leah’s blankets draped over his knees. He looked tired and his eyes held only a shadow of the warmth that had been there this morning when Theo had returned with Leah.
‘You’ve been doing too much again.’ Theo frowned as he saw the tinge of greyness in the old man’s face. ‘You’re still supposed to take it easy.’
He looked towards the house, his chest tightening at the prospect of seeing Leah. The words she’d so passionately declared had echoed in his mind all day. Going to work had been pointless other than to simply escape her. But he couldn’t even do that—his mind had replayed the moment over and over. She’d stood there with such dignity like a tall, slender tree. And he’d cut her down.
He wanted to kick himself. He’d been such a fool to think he could have any kind of relationship with her. He’d known, hadn’t he, right from the start that she was gentler than most? She’d been a virgin, for heaven’s sake. No one had made her feel special or wanted before—of course she thought she’d developed feelings for him. He braced, holding off seeing her. Was she still hiding upstairs? Still crying? Was she too upset to sit with Dimitri and stumble over a few Greek words while working on a new pattern? He hated the thought of her being distraught.
It finally dawned on him that the place felt too silent.
‘You worked late,’ Dimitri muttered.
‘There was a lot of work that needed doing,’ he replied. And it had taken him three times as long because his concentration was shot.
I’m in love with you.
He shook off the memory. Again.
‘You’ve been married less than a week,’ Dimitri commented.
Theo didn’t answer.
The reality of last night had given him every reason to keep his distance. But the desire to see her, just to see, was too strong. It wasn’t sexual desire, it was concern. Just concern. He needed a glimpse to ensure she was okay. Then he’d retreat.
‘Leah?’ he called out as he entered the house, holding back the desire to run.
She didn’t reply.