Battle Ground (The Dresden Files 17)

* * *

Molly’s car was being driven by one of the Sidhe who I couldn’t quite tell was male or female, and who could presumably kill me a dozen times while I tried to figure it out.

“You hear nothing,” Molly told the Sidhe, and the being shuddered a little and nodded.

“Literally,” Molly said. “That’s my Winter Law voice. The driver is effectively deaf until I say otherwise.”

And then she rolled up the privacy curtain between the front and the back.

“Your driver reads lips?” I guessed.

“I find it best to assume,” she said. “The Winter Court is just that kind of place.” She folded her arms and crossed her knees, which looked very nice in the sharp, rather conservative dress suit she wore. “I can’t believe she’s just selling you off like a horse to Lara.”

“Thanks?” I said.

She waved a hand in a vaguely apologetic gesture. “You know what I mean. It’s unconscionable.”

“For most of humanity’s history,” I said, “it was standard practice. Marriage of a couple, symbolizing the actions of a state, bound together in an act of ritual high magic. And it was practiced so long because it worked.”

Molly eyed me. “Who exactly do you think you’re teaching, here, Socrates?”

I lifted a hand in acknowledgment. “I’m . . . tired, Molly. Sorry.”

She grimaced and looked out the window. “No. I shouldn’t have pushed.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe Mab is doing this to you now. The dirt’s barely settled on Murphy’s grave.”

No.

It hadn’t.

I stared out the window for a while, just sort of letting the world happen to me. Molly spoke, I think.

“You haven’t heard a word I said, have you?” she asked me, a while later.

I blinked and tried to recall, but I hadn’t really been tracking too well. “Sorry,” I said. “I mean, I’m not sorry. I’m hurt, and I deserve consideration for it. But I’m sorry that’s a pain for you right now.”

Molly gave me a faint, grim smile and shook her head. “No. I get it. Losing someone you feel that way about. Having them taken away. It changes you for a while.”

I looked at her and winced.

I started to apologize.

She saw it coming, and smiled and shook her head firmly, even while tears formed in her eyes. “We’ve dealt with that already. That was pain and it happened and it was real and necessary, and now it’s in the past.”

I cupped her cheek with my hand. She closed her eyes and leaned against my palm.

“Harry,” she said. “She was a good person. I’m sorry.”

I nodded several times and couldn’t say anything. Or see anything.

“But listen. I don’t expect you to be fine. I expect you to maybe behave like an ass for a while, because you’re hurting. And while we would all be grateful if you didn’t, if you do sometimes, you’ve . . . earned it. There are people around you who understand what it’s cost you to do the things you’ve done. And if you’re grouchy while you heal from the wounds you’ve taken, it’s unpleasant and understandable.” She looked up at me. “So, yeah. It’s okay if you’re a mess for a while. That’s how you heal from stuff like this. And when everything shakes out, I’ll still be your friend.”

“Oh, thank God,” I said, and even if I laughed, I mostly meant it. “This Lara thing Mab’s throwing at me. I can’t deal with it.”

“I don’t think Lara was thinking things would happen at that pace, either,” Molly said, her tone dry. “The year was for herself as much as for you.”

“Whatever,” I said. “It’s a year. I don’t have to figure everything out right now, today.” I settled back in my seat and swept a hand at my eyes. “Good thing. I’m not really up for it at the moment.”

“And I’m still pushing,” said Molly, her tone even more wry. She took my hand between hers and held it firmly. “You’re my Knight as well, Harry. And I owe you a great deal. I am on your side. When you’re ready to act, I’ll be there. And until then, I’ll be here.”

“Thanks, Molls,” I said.

She smiled at me fleetingly. Then she bit her lip and said, “How do I look?”

Her hair was styled back into the natural golden brown color she’d been born with, and fell in a long, natural cut. She wore minimal makeup and muted lipstick. She looked like she’d gained weight and . . . were those the beginnings of crow’s-feet at the corners of her eyes?

“This is approximately what I’d look like, if I wasn’t . . .” she said. Then she flailed her hands and said, “How in the hell do you go to your parents and say, ‘Hi, Mom, Dad, I’m a faerie princess. The evil sexy kind’?” She looked up at me, and her eyes were a bit desperate. “Harry, this was a bad idea. You can make excuses for me, right? We’re really Catholic. We can be polite around problems right in the middle of the room for generations if we need to.”

“No, you can’t,” I said, gently, and squeezed her hands back. “That’s not worthy of any of you.”

“They’re not going to understand,” she said.

“Especially if you never talk to them about it,” I said.

“It’s the look,” she said. “The look my father is going to give me. The disappointed look.” She shook her head. “Fighting Corb and his buddies didn’t scare me. But that does.”

“If you love them,” I said, “you kinda have to build that on something real. That means telling them the truth. It’s not a very good way to build real love and trust. It’s just the only way.”

She released me and waved both hands as though plagued by a swarm of insects. “Yes. I know, I know, I know.” She sniffed and started blinking her eyes clear. “I just wanted a moment to imagine myself panicking and running away. It seemed so restful.”

The car slid to a stop outside the Carpenters’ home.

“Moment’s over,” I said gently. “You ready?”

I offered her my hand.

She took it and gave me a faintly puzzled smile. “You never push me about things like this, Harry. But you haven’t relented. Why not?”

“Because I’m in your corner, kiddo,” I said. “Including backing you on this whole Winter Lady gig. But it occurs to me that what has made you a successful Winter Lady hasn’t got anything to do with what Mab gave you.” I nodded toward the house. “It’s mostly about what you learned from them. I know you’re all about the job right now. But keep yourself, Molly. It’s easy to lose perspective if you don’t have somewhere solid you can plant your feet from time to time.”