And Lucifer was said to be the most beautiful angel in heaven.
I’ve become so good at pretending that sometimes, I confuse myself. At times, I get lost in my own act, and for a mere moment, I bask in false happiness.
Then I remember. And my soul crumbles away slowly, as waves of an ocean of unhappiness wash over me.
Pulling my hand to his mouth, Dino presses light kisses to my knuckles. And my stomach flutters. Not from lust, but fear.
I’ve seen this many times before.
This is the calm before the storm.
At any moment, Dino will snap. And I will be punished.
My heart races as my body trembles. The blood drains out of my face, and suddenly, I’m parched. I swallow, but my throat sticks. My hand tightens around his in an attempt to mask my fear.
The black tinted windows of the car begin to rise, and my tongue thickens. I bite the inside of my mouth. Resolve works its way through me as I realize the storm is coming early today.
This is new. I haven’t been beaten in a car before.
My eyes close and I hold them closed, no matter how much my mind tells me to beg forgiveness for whatever it is I have done. My lightly shaking hands begin to tremble as I await the first blow.
The first knock is the most painful.
“It’s warm out. You cold, bella?” I hear the confusion in his voice. I turn to him, jaw set, and open my eyes. His eyes, strangely warm, search me, looking for signs of trouble.
It hits me that the storm hasn’t come. In fact, I had likely brewed it in my head.
Tears fill my eyes. I blink rapidly, shooing them away. My voice hoarse and strained, I respond and smile, but it shakes. “I’m not feeling the best today. Stomach ache.”
This is my life. This is me. Living in fear.
A weak, pathetic woman with a violent and dangerous husband.
His brow creases. “Want me to take you home?”
Sniffling, I shake my head. “No, it’s fine. I’ll lie down at the house.” I turn to look out the window. “It’ll be nice to see my old room.”
We drive on, only a short while from my father’s house, when Dino comments, “You’ve lost weight.” He side-eyes me. “I don’t like it.”
It’s hard to eat when you no longer wish to live. I’ve contemplated suicide more in the past month than in the entire six years of my marriage. The more I think about ending my life, the more advantages I see in the course of action.
No Dino. No worries. Only freedom.
Who doesn’t want freedom?
This time, I can hear the concern in his voice. It fills me with relief. I can play on this. “I just need rest.”
He presses a hand to my forehead. “You’re clammy. How long you been feeling like this?”
I respond immediately. “A week or so.”
His nostrils flare in frustration as he scolds, “Why didn’t you say anything? It could be serious.”
I roll my eyes. “It’s not serious, Dino. It’s a stomach bug.”
“You don’t know that.” He pauses a moment, before declaring, “I’m calling Dr. Rossi as soon as we get to the house. I’ll have her come by tomorrow.”
Oh, thank God.
After so many years of unpredictability, I’m surprised he played into my hand so easily. This is exactly what I wanted. I need to talk to Dr. Rossi, privately. Dr. Manda Rossi is the daughter of one of Vito Gambino’s associates. She knows everything about me, every gory detail. On more than one occasion, Manda has attempted to coax me into escaping Dino. Every time she’s called to my bedside as I lie battered and bruised, unable to move, Manda cries for me, with me. She is one of my dearest friends. Maybe my only friend.
“I’m sure it’s nothing, but if it’ll make you feel better, okay,” I utter submissively.
Dino holds my hand during the remainder of the journey, watching me closely, worry in his eyes, as if I’m about to expire.
If only.
As I watch Miguel Castillo eye-fuck Ling, who seductively licks her lips his way, I wonder why the fuck I’m sitting in an empty conference room putting up with this.
Then I remember.
Money. Lots of money.
Money doesn’t do anything for me. No doubt I like having it, but I can do without. The thing is, I have people who depend on me. More than half of my income is taken out of my many bank accounts before I’ve even had a chance to bask in my unseemly wealth, supporting my family.
My family is important to me. I love them unconditionally. And being the most successful of my uneducated kinfolk, I do what I can for them in whatever way they need it. Usually, they need financial assistance. And, thank the Lord above, I can help there.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out and smile at the display.
Speak of the devil.
I turn to Miguel. “Is there anywhere I can speak privately?” I nod down to my phone. “This is important.”
Miguel stands, holding his hand out to Ling. “I would be happy to take Miss Ling for a tour of the house.” Smiling like a kid in a candy store, Ling takes his hand and moves to his side. Miguel looks over at me. “The house is large. The shortened tour will take at least fifteen minutes.”
I nod my appreciation. “Perfect.”
Once I’m left alone, I answer. “I was wondering when you’d call.”
The irate woman on the line yells a rushed, “Are you out of your damn mind, Julius?”
It’s so good to hear from her I don’t even bother admonishing her for cussing at me. Instead, I smile. “I take it you got the delivery.”
“The delivery?” I hear the astonishment in her voice. “The delivery?” She pauses a moment before shouting, “A delivery is a bunch of flowers or-or-or a new DVD player. A fruit basket is a delivery, Julius. This is not a delivery. This was freight. Cargo! A goddamn shipment, Julius!”
Chuckling through my nose, I divert attention away from me. “Are you gonna yell at me all day, or are you gonna let me speak to my niece?”
“A car, Julius. It was a car.”
My smile dampens. “Why do you keep saying was?” After a moment of silence, I close my eyes, and grit out, “Tonya, tell me you didn’t send it back.”
A sigh, then a defeated, “No, I didn’t send it back. But I should’ve. And if she hadn’t seen it, I would have.” My sister sounds tired as she tries to argue with me. “You can’t do things like that, Jules. You aren’t responsible for us. You need to stop buying things for us—things we don’t need, mind you—because you have guilt. Unwarranted guilt.” Her voice softens. “You’re not responsible, sweetheart. You never were.”
My chest tightens at her softly spoken words. “You saying she isn’t going to need a car?” Silence. “She’s sixteen now. Any day now,
you’re going to take her, and she’s going to get her license. And before you argue, she will get her license. She’s smart. Like her mama.”
She growls and I know I have her. “But a Mercedes? What sixteen-year-old needs a Mercedes? Sixteen-year-olds need a bomb. A rust bucket. Not a fifty-seven thousand dollar car.”
I grin. “You went on the damn website, didn’t you? You probably calculating how many budget dinners you could afford with that money.”
She doesn’t laugh, but I hear her smile on her whispered reply. “Nine thousand one hundred and twenty-five.”
Laughing, I shake my head. “You’re not on a budget anymore, Tonya. You can live a little. Buy clothes, visit a spa, get your hair done, go see a movie without smuggling in premade popcorn.”
Sniffles. Then more sniffles. “I love you. You know that, don’t you?”
I sober immediately. If there is one thing I would never question, it would be my sister’s love for me. “I know it. I feel it. And I love you more, tater tot. Now let me speak to her. Gotta wish my girl a happy birthday.”
A quick shuffle of the phone sounds through the speaker before my niece, Keera, comes online, screeching, “Oh, my God! Oh, sweet baby Jesus! LORD JESUS! Like, oh my God! I can’t believe it! It’s amazing! I don’t believe it! Oh, Lord!”
Quelling my laughter, I try sounding like a father figure should. “You best stop using the Lord’s name in vain, Keke. Birthday or not, you hush now.”
Using her inside voice, she still rushes out her words, but uses a milder tone. “The delivery guy asked for me. By name. And Miosha was over at the time. My stars, Uncle Jay, she was pea green with envy. Like, super green. Before I’d even signed my name, the entire school knew about my new car. Popular people I’d never spoken to at school suddenly started saying hi to me. Boys are trying to talk to me, too. You have no idea what this has done for my popularity.” She adds a whispered, high-pitched, “Epic.”